To have lost faith in people

[squashedbanana]

Going through a rough patch and when I need someone there's no one there. It's usually me, I am the one that will donate an evening to lend an ear to a friend in need, but now when I would like a friend to be there for me I feel deserted.

I spoke to my brother when I was feeling rather distraught, he was supposed to get back to me with the name of someone who could help but I didn't hear from him, not even to see how I was. I ended up finding my own person to help

Another friend who has supported me via text has rainchecked at the last minute the last two times we have been supposed to meet up, I haven't seen her for months

Another friend emailed me, asked how I was and said she was there for me, I emailed her back but have not heard back, maybe she was just saying that to be polite?

It just seems that people are so busy with their own lives, which I can completely understand, but I just feel forgotten about by friends and they are around when they need support.

Just feel rather grim having been let down again today by a friend I haven't seen in a long while and was really looking forward to it. I am not sure if I help myself as at times like this I just end up closing in on myself so end up not keeping in touch with friends anyway. It would just be nice if I felt I had a bit of a support network instead of muddling along by myself

Wasn't sure where to put this so have put it here in AIBU, am awaiting the flames! :o

Where are you Squashed? I'm sure there will be at least 1 kind mumsnetter in your area.

Perhaps talk it out on here, but in a different section, depending on what it is?

Yes squashed where are you? I would like to help if I can.

oh thank you! I wondered what the response might be as I thought I would come across as wallowing and self pitying

It does hurt stranded, I know that my friends aren't being deliberately hurtful, they're just so caught up with their own lives

I might do that birds just have to get over the thought of opening up publicly and putting myself up for possible judgement by people who don't know me

I am in London iwant

Thanks

op YADNBU

But unfortunately it is impossible to imagine just how wretched it is to feel alone. Unless you've experienced for yourself you really have no idea.

I know before if a friend text at the last minute to cancel plans I wouldn't have batted an eyelid. Now it makes me cry.

The difference is that when you are lonely and/or sad you so look forward to spending time with someone that when they cancel it is horribly disappointing.

A lot of people just don't think about things in that way, they have busy lives and are just getting on with them. You can't be cross with them, it really isn't intentional.

If they know how you felt they would be there in a heartbeat. Problem is if you're anything like me you will never tell them!

Start a thread on here OP, in whichever topic is most relevant. I did it and it is without a doubt the only thing that got me through. I even saved it so I can re-read it when I'm having a horrible day.

The support of total strangers is just amazing, and the best thing is that they are completely objective so will say what you need to hear. Some of it you won't want to hear but them's the breaks unfortunately.

If you want your faith in human nature restored pour out your soul to the Nsst of Vipers. Contrary to a lot of recent threads the majority truly are wonderful people.

Have a ((( ))), they're more mumsnetty than you think

You don't come across as wallowing or self pitying at all, you sound really understanding about why people cancel and they aren't doing it because of anything you've done.

I know what you mean about closing in on yourself, sometimes it just seems easier to do that than set yourself up for a fall.

Why not get a few emails off to people tonight? You don't have to say anything in particular maybe chatty ones that are easy for people to answer, just to keep your hand in so to speak?

Report your post and ask mumsnet to move it to the Relationships board where you'll get support from others who are, or have been, in a similarly lonely place when rl pals seem to be oblivious to your problems.

You know what squashed? I have two pieces of advice, having been in your situation. Ask the people you don't think would necessarily be great at this stuff. One male, borderline autistic friend of mine was the only person who came through for me in the toughest times. He is useless normally but when shit hits the fan, he is a genius and I never would have guessed. He hasn't been in touch in months but I know that all I have to do is tell him I need help, and he is there.

The other piece of advice is to seek out people who need a hand. Volunteer with disabled kids or homeless people. It will make you thankful.

Thanks, you're all so lovely and I have been given valuable advice

MDSS you are so right about a few things. I am sure my friends don't mean offence or to let me down and there are plenty of lovely people on here, I haven't been online really the past week, the craziness of the last week of term, but previously I found some great threads on here and witnessed a lot of wonderful support, and funny witty posts. Maybe it is time to dive into the 'viper's nest' properly!

MrsPratchett I had a friend like that, my oldest friend, we could go months or even years without talking but whenever I needed him he was there. Until last year when he turned up at mine, tried it on and I had to push him off me when he tried to kiss me, I haven't heard from him since. I am sure he was embarrassed, and though I felt annoyed at his behaviour I didn't want to lose a good friend over it, it seems I have lost him anyway

I am going to touch base with current friends and try and make new ones. I have met a few really nice people at baby groups and we always smile and say hi if we bump into each other on the street, I am just struggling to take the friendships outside of the weekly baby groups if that makes sense

Weird. Mine professed his love for me as well. We both pretended it never happened. He is happily married now thank goodness.

Hello. The OP's asked us to move this thread to Relationships. So that's what's about to happen.

I was in your position, I git rid of them in the end!

I think you need to see it as lost faith in some people for a short amount of time. One of my friends currently has small children and has become so wrapped up in them and their school etc, that she has become somewhat oblivious to people around her including her other relatives.
I know eventually she will grow out of it! I even see her sister cringe at times with her insensitivity.
I wouldnt give up on people until I was the last person standing!