Am devastated. This is long I'm afraid...
I've loved this man for four years. He lives in my town but we're from the same village orginally. He's 17 years older than me but in many ways my best friend and we are very similar. He works all over the world in patches - last year he was away probably about 20 weeks, so when he's here we spend a lot of time together.
I think he's always known how I feel about him, but he's never taken advantage, never embarassed me and has made comments indicating the age difference between us is an issue for him. But we've always had a very friendly, bickery relationship and our friends and his family jokingly call us a married old couple.
Thursday evening he returns home from abroad and we arrange to meet up in local pub with lots of mutual friends. He's in a really bright, jokey mood and at one point when our friends' attentions where on someone else, he told me he'd been talking with work colleagues about being away and love, etc. He said it was like a lightbulb moment and realised I was his soulmate and he loved me. I also applied recently for a job which would have meant eventually moving away and I think this made him stop and think. He's packing in the working away later this year so settling down aorund here. I couldn't respond cos my stomach was doing knots and I was half scared it was a horrible joke.
We left and walked to pub near my house and had a gin and tonic and he asked if he could come back to mine. I said yes, knowing what it would lead to, and it did. Not going to go into deep detail (it's early!) but we spent a lot of time talking, telling each other we loved each other, kissing, cuddling, and then yes, other stuff. It was the most open and honest and actually best sexual experience I've ever had. (Yes I KNOW how lame that sounds.) He said at one point this reason this was so great is that it was sex and love together, and I told him I'd never actually had that. (True.) He left as I had an early start the next day, and I went to bed the happiest person ever.
He made no contact yesterday at all. I sent him a cheerful good morning text and then in the afternoon a quick one to say I was popping into pub on way home if he fancied a quick drink. No response. I begin panicking. I rang a very good female mutual friend of ours and explained, swearing her to secrecy.) She was really excited for us, but said he's probably panicking about it and, knowing him as she does, scared of being rejected. So I text him before I went to bed saying I really meant everything I'd said last night and hope we can talk soon but it's up to him.
What has happened? Part of me is angry and thinks if he just wanted a quick fuck, why say the love and soulmates bits, and WHY WITH ME? But most of me is just gutted and wants to cry. I don't know what to do. I know this problem isn't as serious as many, but I feel like a major thing in my life has just been pulled away. Any words of advice/comfort will probs make me bawl, but will be appreciated.