I am in urgent need of the collective wisdom on MN. I have been with my partner now for 4 years and he has never left me in any doubt what so ever that he would be unfaithful. He is completely open about his phone being out on show, his email being left open etc. He does delete all his texts but I put that down to him being a bit OCD on the organisation front rather than anything more sinister.
However, of the last three relationships I have had (the only three relationships I have had) all of them have resulted in me being cheated on. Most recently five years ago when the father of my DD cheated with a colleague whilst away with work when DD was a year old.
I have really worked on my insecurity and this has been greatly helped by the fact that my DP isn?t suspicious in any way. I thought I was in a good place and that I was okay now.
However, I have just been flung back down in to the pit of insecurity and despair.
DP recently started a new job (coincided with me putting on a bit of weight because of a bit of a saga with my contraceptives so my self-image is a little low at the moment any way) and mentioned the people on his new team. He ran through the names (male and female) and then he said one name (we?ll say ?Katie?) and I just knew that he fancied her.
Now, I may be mad (happy to admit it) but on every other occasion with previous partners I have known when something was going on. There is something in the air when the name is mentioned. I have never been wrong. I?ve never confronted it ? because how can you accuse someone of saying someone?s name strangely!? But somewhere along the line, my ssuspicion has always been confirmed.
So, I know that even if he does fancy her, that doesn?t mean he will cheat. But based on probability, he pretty much will.
I tried to put it to the back of my mind but a few days ago we were talking about me giving him a lift to work one day and he said ?Oh it?s okay, I?m getting a lift? and in the way he said it I just knew it was her from the way he said it/ the way his eyes moved etc. (even though he works with around 50 other people) I asked who he was getting a lift from and yes, it is her.
So naturally (
) I?ve found her photo online today and FUCKING HELL - worst case. She is beautiful. Not as in leggy and blonde and obvious but worse - as in, very young, trendy, slim, tall, elfin hair, cute face, gorgeous make up, quirky dress sense which I just know he loves? And basically I?ve just had to go and be sick.
He?s been going on recently about being bored with his wardrobe and has bought some new stuff that makes him every inch the attractive, successful, intriguing older man that I would have gone all predatory on at her age.
In my mind he has cheated already. I can?t get the thought of it out of my head. I have already mentally caught them at it and left him, packed up my DD and left. In fact I am actually crying and shaking as I write.
I can?t tell him how I feel. It?s ridiculous.
I?m so damn ANGRY at the men who have made me like this.
I hope that someone out there has some wise words for me? something sage and meaningful please? (or a slap round the face?!)