What is abuse?

[georgesmummy11]

First time I have posted in relationships please be kind

I'm just wanting other peoples views and opinions don't want to offend or cause drama, but a couple of weeks ago my OH punched me in the chest didn't bruse but winded me we weren't even arguing or disagreeing I asked him to do something and he didnt want to.
Our boiler has been playing up pressure keeps dropping and you have to top it up the other day he did it and he didn't shut it off properly. Last night he did the same I could hear it trickling, he was on the phone but I turned to him while I was sorting the boiler and said you have left it on again. He then mouthed no I haven't a booted me in the back of the legs.
I told a friend as I need to get it off my chest and she said this is domestic abuse.
I'm not sticking up for him but I'm not sure it is.
What's Are your views ?

All the time you give him second chances and giving it a good shot and worrying about him using something against you do you know what he's actually thinking about you?..... 'Mug'. If throwing up, punching you, not taking you out and generally behaving like a nasty little shit means you still give him the benefit of the doubt, then he knows he can get away with anything. He may know what he stands to lose but, as he doesn't think there's any real chance of it actually happening, he has no incentive to change. He thinks you're a fool and he's treating you like one.

Please don't wait until he hits you again or throws up everywhere again before you get him out of your life.

You've already given it a good go.

Georges - that's how it starts. "I punched the wall so I didn't punch your face". Why the fuck would anyone normal contemplate punching someone's face in the first place ffs! And anyway he has now crossed the line and physically assaulted you. Sorry to say but it will happen again and each time it will get worse. I, and probably others on this thread, know from bitter experience.

Just a quick update.
Last night I told him it was over I also did do this at the weekend another story
He kicked off told me he hated me was throwing things around at me told me I had ruined his life.
He also said he never wanted to set eyes on me or DS again. I told him he will always be DS dad he said its all or nothing he's not going to be a weekend dad and he hopes I can live with my self when DS asks why he hasn't got a dad.

BUT in the next breath he doesn't want to lose me and how can I chuck 7 years away.
He then asked me if I want him to fight for me Errrrm hello that's your decision not mine you arse.
He's now bombarding me with messages about how much he loves me and needs me an how he has nothing with out me.

HELP what do I do I'm scared he's going to stop all the money so I won't be able to pay the mortgage and bills.
Why don't I have a crystal ball?

OP, you're doing great - I know this is hard. You need to get real-life support if you can. Are you in contact with Women's Aid? If he starts throwing things around or being anyway threatening, call the police. Right now you have good grounds to contact their non-emergency number and tell them you're in the process of breaking up with a man who has been violent - they'll put a flag on your number and intervene rapidly if needed. Is he leaving or are you? Don't try and remain in the same house. Consider a refuge or going to family if he won't go.

About the money, there are some practical steps you can take. If you think he might empty a joint bank account, call the bank and get the account frozen. Open a new one in your name only. Can you call your mortgage provider and ask for a payment holiday? The practical stuff can be dealt with. At the end of the day, it's only money - your safety and your child's safety matter more.

He's trying to emotionally manipulate you with the threats to not be a weekend dad and asking how you can throw away those years together. You can throw those years away because he treated you like shit for a substantial portion of them. If he won't be a weekend dad, great. Your son is better off without an abusive man in his life, even if he is also sometimes Mr Perfect Daddy - all the more confusing for a child.

The money and his relationship with your child can all be sorted out later on. Focus on the essential, which is to make sure you and your child are safe. There is a strong temptation to panic at this point and give in to his demand to keep the relationship. After all, you know what it's like, and the unknown is scarier. If you can fight the temptation to give in, things will get better and you will feel stronger sooner than you think.

Oh OP.

Have you got in contact with CAB? As pp has just said you can freeze accts but you can also look into benefits and other support you are entitled to.

This is hard, overwhelming, blinding and unfair - he is using all of his past conditioning to get you to do what you're told. He has told you exactly what he thinks of your son - he wont bother unless he can be used as a control tool.

Take the steps to get support legal/govt - I promise you from the bottom of my heart no material things not even a roof are worth what will happen to you and your son. You do not need to react to him. Seriously, take a breath, make a cuppa. Think. Then act when you are ready to respond. he does not jerk your strings! You can ignore him or you can lay out the facts. But make yourself and ds safe - that means he goes or you go, you need to be out and away. I'm not being a drama queen but you have to find your sticking place and fight his conditioning, fight the fear of the unknown and do it.

Have you called womens aid?

You can do it if you keep in mind all the terrible things he said and realise where that disgusting malice was coming from, his true self- a man that should love and protect you and his child.

Maybe your GP can help. At my surgery the GPs have notices in the ladies and waiting room. I'm sure they will be able to put you in touch with an organisation that can help.

Please don't let him do this to you. (x)