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Original poster

Sleeping in separate rooms

51 replies

jifnotcif · 19/03/2012 23:11

I have recently taken the reluctant but liberating step of moving out of the bedroom. He snores, leaves dirty cups lying around, smelly socks etc. I now sleep comfortably, peacefully and happily in dd bedroom. It's not my decor, but it's clean and neat.

I would recommend it to anyone - but am wondering if anyone else does the same?

OP posts:

rightchoice · 19/03/2012 23:19

Is he happy about it too? Will you guys have visiting rights??

Original poster

jifnotcif · 19/03/2012 23:23

No he's not but he's accepted the reality and has a more rested and pleasant partner. He's happy with his own company anyway. After a long 'drought' period, it has actually made me feel more keen to join him for nuptuals - however the bed is now stinky and horrible and not where I want to be.

OP posts:

rightchoice · 19/03/2012 23:28

Well in that case he needs to whisk you off to a nice hotel for the weekend - I couldn't do snoring, stinky, sweaty either!!!

Clean sheets, bliss....

izzyizin · 19/03/2012 23:29

IMO separate beds and separate bedrooms can save marriages as having one's sleep disturbed night after night by a snoring or restless partner can quickly take it's toll and lead to unnecessary resentment.

warriorwoman · 19/03/2012 23:37

I often sleep in the spare room as DH snores really loudly and even with ear plugs on I can hear him. I don't like to wear them anyway as they hurt my ears and I don't like not being to hear things if I need to. I wish I could move in to the spare room full-time and meet up with my husband sometimes for a cuddle or more! It would be lovely to have our own rooms because I often have to say I am going to the spare room and DH puts on his sad face and tries to make me feel bad about it. He does not leave smelly socks around so I can't complain about that.

I think quite a few couples sleep separately, they just don't admit it.

madasa · 20/03/2012 07:04

We sleep separately because quite frankly I would kill him if we didn't snores like a herd of wild fucking buffalo

used2bthin · 20/03/2012 07:09

We also have been sleeping seperately most nights, due to snoring and me being pg and needing more sleep (and space!). Recently had a friend staying and so had to share again which reminded me of how much less sleep I get with him in the bed! Was nice in a way but we both get disturbed sleep as I have to wake him lots to get hime to move up, stop snoring etc.

Original poster

jifnotcif · 20/03/2012 08:29

Glad to hear that we're not dysfunctional wierdos. I still have my clothes in there, we only have 3 bedrooms and one of them is a box room so I sleep with dds.

I had no idea that years of broken sleep could have such an impact. Should have done it years ago.

OP posts:

bamboobutton · 20/03/2012 08:36

i sleep in a separate to my dh too, have done for about 2 years. i couldn't stand the snoring, loud breathing or the stinky, sweaty, clammy feeling bed and toxic farts any more so i sleep with ds in his room now.

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDawn · 20/03/2012 13:47

DH and I have slept in separate rooms for years now - I have the bedroom, and have only recently got it to myself because our youngest son has gone in with his brothers, and DH sleeps in the living room on a sofa bed. It suits us perfectly - we are both big so we don't fit comfortably in bed together, and we both snore although my snores are small and ladylike and tuneful and I sleep badly. It got to the point where I was ready to smother him with the pillow just for breathing and I was really tired all the time and snappy and grumpy. Much easier now

RachyRach30 · 20/03/2012 15:11

It's one of those things that people wouldn't admit to in real life because somehow they are conditioned to believe it is not the done thing which makes it a taboo subject. However those that say its not normal that's up to them and shouldn't be so judgemental. Different things work for diffent people. Why shoul d you worry what others think? It's your life, own it don't worry.

lovesineffable · 20/03/2012 15:26

yes I've had separate bedrooms when co habiting, it was much better than sharing with mr twitchy snorer

solidgoldbrass · 20/03/2012 15:28

Lots of peple do it. I have never lived with a partner, but I would imagine that if I ever had done, I would have wanted separate beds after a while > i relaly don't like sharing a bed and only used to put up with it in younger days wehn pissed or in the first soppy/lustful stage of seeing someone.

Mind you, lots of people didn't liek sharing a bed with me either as I snore like a warthog, fidget and fart a lot.

Housemum · 20/03/2012 19:39

It's what the rich used to do! Think of all the stately homes with separate bedrooms, it was only the poor who slept in the same bed. Then along came the suburbs with nice but small houses, no room for separate bedrooms so it became the norm for the husband and wife to share a bed.

When DH is snoring I am sooo tempted to head for the sofabed in the spare room...

curiositykitten · 20/03/2012 19:41

Being single for 3 1/2 years, sharing a bed on a regular basis at some point in the future terrifies me! I love my own space with no smelly man to annoy me!

I have been known to bring men home after a night out, and kick them out afterwards, just so I can get a full night's sleep to myself

kosykoala · 20/03/2012 21:27

DH and I have been sleeeping in seperate bedrooms for the last 3 years. DH does not like it one bit !! I was getting desperate as I am a very light sleeper and he is a VERY loud snorer and farter. That, combined with menopausal sweats and I was ready to murder him. He keeps asking when he can come back in but I love it sooooooo much on my own

lovesineffable · 20/03/2012 21:31

well he would say that wouldnt he!!
not being the one whose sleep was disturbed
same sort of thing happened with my ex

HepHep · 20/03/2012 21:39

Aha! These are my people

I am very odd about sharing a bed. I found sharing a ROOM challenging as a child at sleepovers etc. Sharing a bed was pure hell in such situations.

I've never really shared a bed with a partner. A month or so with XP before the combination of his snoring and my swift pregnancy put paid to that. We never went back after that and had separate rooms til we split up. When my first boyfriend moved in with me while I will still living at home I insisted on separate single beds in the same room, and found that bad enough.

I looooooove sleeping alone. I like to starfish across the whole big bed, I can't sleep if there is someone breathing nearby, I fidget incessantly and move about a lot in my sleep and so I get scared of keeping them awake. I'm a super light sleeper, and I take ages to drop off, always have done. It's all a recipe for disaster, really.

If I ever live with someone again we will have separate beds, separate rooms if I can manage it, and we will be super happy. I recently dated someone who was just the same as me and it was heaven

tobeheard · 20/03/2012 21:42

Wow, this is an eye opener. I've been sleeping in separate rooms since the birth of dd 16 months ago. Totally killed my relationship (although not just that!).

Do the non -co sleepers sneak into eachothers rooms to have sex?

I would happily never share a bed again as I too love my own space.I hate hearing the man breathe (!) or snore or just be in the way. Why are we conditioned to share a bed with our partners? It's been proven that people who don't cosleep have much better quality of sleep.

Chirpychick2010 · 20/03/2012 21:52

My dh sleeps in the boys room fri,sat nights when there at grannies but for the first year off dd. he was in the sofa and thats all due to snoring and i wear ear plugs. Would love this full time tho shame it cant happen

busyboysmum · 20/03/2012 22:27

We have seperate rooms and have done since the first ds came along 10 years ago. I love it - so does dh. I like the room dark and cool, he likes to read in bed and have the window closed. He snores and is really really hot, it used to really irritate me, now I have peace and quiet. We have 3 dss now BTW so it hasn't totally ruined our sex life!

Bucharest · 21/03/2012 07:56

We have also slept separately for the past (almost)9yrs.

Sexlife is fine. Visiting rights accorded as and when. Or on kitchen table as the mood takes etc etc. Then we all get a lovely full night's sleep without all that dreadful male honking going on.

Bucharest · 21/03/2012 07:57

Oh yes, he likes doors open (not for sex, for sleep!)and curtains open with light coming in whereas I have to barricade myself in total darkness.

I never move, am like a corpse. Even sleep with my arms crossed over my chest whereas he burns off more calories asleep than he does awake.

bamboobutton · 21/03/2012 13:53

are you a vampire bucharest?

izzyizin · 21/03/2012 14:01

@ button

Separate bedrooms and separate bathrooms will be non-negotiable clauses in my pre-nup as will separate houses on separate continents

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