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Original poster

I have ballsed up, need to make new arrangements WITHOUT starting an argument.

29 replies

bjf1 · 19/03/2012 10:52

Okay, have already posted about my Tax Credit balls up, but have now got to tell DH.
Overpaid by a lot so no tax credits for the forseeable future until it is paid back. This was my stupid mistake and DH is unaware. Now I have to tell him that, as I now have no money coming in anymore, he is going to have to hand over money for food, clothes, etc.
Am absolutely dreading this as he is bound to be pissed about it, well wouldn't you be?
So, how do I do this without it turning into a my fault your fault argument?

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 19/03/2012 10:59

Say that you need to have a chat about the family finances, that you've made a mistake, you're sorry about it and that you need to work together on finding a constructive solution. If he's annoyed let him express it to a point. If it turns into an argument, say there's no point continuing and that you need to come back to it on another day. Also point out that, if you manage the finances together as a team, mistakes are a lot less likely to happen in future.

Have your family income/expenses statements well-prepared for discussion. Put together your ideas for the way you think it should work. No-one likes being lumped with a 'problem' and are more cooperative if presented with a 'solution'.

Finally... pick your moment. End of the day when everyone's knackered and grumpy is not good. Weekends when you have some free time are better.

redwineandchocolate · 19/03/2012 11:03

If you start by apologising for your mistake and with some kind of solution in mind, I think that's the best you can do really. Everyone makes mistakes.

PooPooInMyToes · 19/03/2012 11:25

How did it happen? Sorry if you've gone over this already elsewhere.

Perhaps seeing as you have children, joint bank accounts would be a good idea anyway so when one of you needs more money you don't have to go cap in hand to the other. But that's a personal thing.

You obviously think he's going to be really pissed off. Is this a usual thing with regards to money with him? These things happen. It was accidental, its not like you've been gambling it away so he shouldn't be TOO mad. If he is then he's a twat.

LunarRose · 19/03/2012 11:29

Is there any chance of going back and agreeing a payment plan? currently doing that on two working tax credit screw ups. (one my fault, one theirs, not that I can prove it )

Original poster
bjf1 · 19/03/2012 11:34

Lunar, how did you make your cock up?

OP posts:
ArtVandelay · 19/03/2012 11:39

Why would he be angry? Its just a mistake, just put a budget together of how much the family needs per week and use that as a discussion starting point. He's a husband and you have children - what else is he supposed to spend his money on?!

Cogito is right - go with some solutions and also instead of blaming yourself just say it like 'this has happened', and then what you think will fix it. I'm not in the UK so don't know how Tax Credits and such work but unless you've purposely decieved someone I don't see how it would be a 'fault' situation anyway.

LunarRose · 19/03/2012 12:03

I think both were to do with reporting a change in circumstances.

The first was disputing an overpayment the ex saddled me with, they wipe off the debt but then they then assessed me for an overpayment 3times that amount (i'd reported a change over the phone that i think hadn't been recorded accurately). Despite MP involvement still don't know how exactly(never got a straight answer).

the other I was receiving money monthly had two change of circumstances in the same month really have no idea how much I was meant to have received for the time period was paid twice, thought it was an adjustment spent it then found out it was an overpayment. That time I didn' even bother trying to dispute it, just agreed a payment plan.

the second debt I should pay off in the next year or so, the first probably won't be until 2030.

LunarRose · 19/03/2012 12:04

hmm perhaps not that long but you get the idea

PooPooInMyToes · 19/03/2012 14:56

Wow. How much were the over payments lunar?

dottyspotty2 · 19/03/2012 15:19

They take it back over several years if necessary they aren't allowed to take it all away IIRC its 25% there allowed to take.

clam · 19/03/2012 15:39

Erm, I might be missing something here, but why is your DH not "handing over money" for his children already? Have you been relying totally on tax credits up til now?

LunarRose · 19/03/2012 15:50

the first one was quite large as i was working 4 days a week and 2 kids were in nursery. I thought I'd filled the form out over the telephone. they paid me, then decided, well I don' know what actually, so had/have to pay the whole lot back (6 months later after they cleared the overpayment as a result of ex)

Original poster
bjf1 · 19/03/2012 17:57

dotty, does that mean I've been misled then? I think I need to give them another call, if I can actually get anyone to answer the phone.
Can't get over that 25%!

clam, yes I pay for food, clothes, petrol and pressies, school trips, days out, treats, etc from TCs. DH pays for mortgage, council tax, gas, electric, tv, insurance and.......think that's it.

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 19/03/2012 18:02

Unless the torys have changed it, I'm sure that's what it was where paying back from about 3 years ago when they fucked up and never accepted the proper figures that I told them several times. Check the booklet they send you to double check.

dottyspotty2 · 19/03/2012 18:21

If you only get the family element of Child Tax Credit, up to 100 per cent will be taken back from your ongoing payments.
For everyone else the Tax Credit Office will take back up to 25 per cent from your ongoing payments www.hmrc.gov.uk/taxcredits/things-go-wrong/overpayments/repaying.htm

clam · 19/03/2012 18:33

Wouldn't it be less daunting (for you) if you considered all incoming money, be it tax credits or salary, as family money, from which all bills and family expenses need to be met. Then it's less like you having to be "bailed out" by him.

Original poster
bjf1 · 19/03/2012 19:43

clam, I totally agree with you, but we started out like that (sep accounts) when we first moved in together, and it's just stayed that way.
Weird, I know, but he would probably be appalled if I sugessted changing to a joint account after 12 years.

OP posts:
NettleTea · 19/03/2012 21:11

but if all the things to do with tax credits are changing this/next year wouldnt this be a good chance for you to sort it out once and for all. May well be that even without a mistake you could end upwith far less money and prices arent exactly falling right now.

clam · 19/03/2012 21:14

Well this way clearly isn't working, is it?
Why would he be appalled? Does he view his wage as "his" money, and wtc can pay for his kids then?

Original poster
bjf1 · 19/03/2012 21:26

All I can say is either DH is not understanding the importance of the TC situation, or I am being a total Drama Queen.
I explained the whole situation to him "We have been overpaid Tax Credits and will no longer be receiving the £600 per month that I have been using to pay for blah, blah, blah".
He just shrugged and said something along the lines of Oh well never mind, we'll cope.
I was like Shock

OP posts:
dottyspotty2 · 19/03/2012 21:34

See worrying about his reaction and its fine.

PooPooInMyToes · 19/03/2012 22:15

600 a month?! What do you have to do to get that much?

(don't really understand them)

Original poster
bjf1 · 19/03/2012 22:31

PooPoo, We obviously weren't meant to get that much in the first place which is why I started this thread.

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 19/03/2012 22:35

Can you come to a payment arrangement with CTC that will spread the payments and ease the financial burden on your family?

Original poster
bjf1 · 19/03/2012 22:42

Dione, I hope so. Think I just basically rolled over on the phone to them, just to stop them ordering me to give them the money in the next 24 hours.

OP posts:
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