In a massive mess and don't know how to get out please help!

[Superduperdoo]

I'm posting this on behalf of my Sister who's not sure what to do.

She's been married for 14 years to a man who can at times be very selfish. He won't go on days out with their child unless he really has to. He can be really mean with money and lots of other things like this.

Not long after he left her in hospital after having a miscarriage she started an affair. This has been going on for a few years now. The other man has become a friend to her Husband and is part of the family almost. She's tried to end it loads of times but he won't take no for an answer and she ends up giving in again.

Recently she's become close to another man. They're just friends but the texting has been a bit flirty at times. The wife of this man has seen these text messages and is not happy. My Sister doesn't know what the other woman will do next and can't find a way out of this mess.

your sister needs to grow up and leave her husband if she is not happy with him.

then she can look at other relationships.

sorry, but it sounds very much as though she sees herself as some kind of victim in this... her husband was selfish so she had an affair, she tried to stop it but he "won't take no for an answer"...? i mean, really? he forces her to have an affair with him??

I think she should tell her husband everything. she should end it with BOTH other men,

then she should have a good hard think about what she wants to do with her life

From what you have said it sounds like she has been unhappy for a long time. So why hasn't she ended her marriage instead of destroying other peoples?

She does love her Husband and she doesn't want to break up her family. I think she got carried away with the 1st one and now he won't leave her alone.

She's apologised to the wife of the 2nd one and promised to have no more contact.

i still think she needs to tell him, before someone else does,

then it will be up to him whether or not he wants to continue a relationship with her.

I don't think he'd thank her for telling him unless she was going to leave him.

He won't leave her alone? How about she stops meeting up with him and changes her sim card? Simple

It's not a case of not meeting up with him. He comes to their house every day. When she's ended it before he still comes to their house everyday and won't leave her alone. She tries to tell her husband she wants more time alone with him but the bloke still keeps coming over.

ok then she needs to continue to spin her web of lies and hope no-one else tells him and hope that no-one else makes her have affairs with them

is that what she wants to hear?

she has done a really stupid thing. now she needs to face up to it and start telling the truth!

does he force entry into her house?

if so she needs to inform the police.

If he is harrassing her then call the police. I have a feeling it is very convenient that he 'won't leave her alone'.

Gawd thats all abit messy.

Always go by the rule - don't poo on your own doorstep. And twice too!

Sorry, but its not about how selfish etc her hubby is.

If she wasn't/isn't happy end it. Is she sure he doesn't already know, that might explain some of his behaviour.

Someone is going to out her, if she doesn't do it herself.

She needs to grow up! All sounds abit teenage.

i actually can't believe that not only did she embark on 2 affairs she also allows the man she is having the affair with to come round to her house every day... with her husband there!!!??

if she stops him coming over her husban will want to know why won't he? what is she going to say? make up more lies?

No he doesn't but he's friends with her husband. It's more complicated than i've said. You couldn't make it up honestly. She knows she's done wrong but doesn't want to hurt her husband more by telling him when there's a chance he won't find out.

Her worry now is bloke number 2's wife telling her husband and then bloke 1 finding out too and also telling her husband.

If she's that unhappy with her husband does it really matter? She needs to end it with all of them

Bloke number 1 has intergrated himself into the family. He was not friends with her husband before. I actually like him he's a nice guy but the way he goes about things isn't always right. When she ends it he goes on and on and wears her down until she rekindles it with him.

Or does she want to make it work with her husband?

She's not unhappy though really i don't think.

I think she does want to make it work with her husband. But she's got herself into such a mess she can't see a way out.

Your sister sounds like a drama queen who enjoys the attention tbh

"Her worry now is bloke number 2's wife telling her husband and then bloke 1 finding out too and also telling her husband."

exactly!!! which is why she HAS to tell him!

i am sorry but yes, there is a chance he will tell her he no longer wants a relationship with her.
that's the chance she took when she decided to embark on affairs with 2 other men!

What on earth is the point of posting this?

What do you, or what does she think, anybody is really going to say?

Does she not have enough drama, does she now have to drag her lacking morals, and lacking back bone out on the internet too, get get an even bigger "high" about herself?

Or, hang on, she could try having an affair with a third man, make that a vicar, or an imam to get an even bigger drama out of it.

What a cow.

So... Your sister is married and is embarking on an affair with another married man? Is her husband having affairs too? It sounds as though her relationship with her husband is the one that needs dealing with first?

I think the point of this was to get some impartial opinions. Neither of us thought it would be very good.

The 1st man isn't married but the 2nd man is. I don't think her husband is having affairs too.

I don't know which way to read this and make suggestions.

She either needs to be alone and have counselling to find out why she 'loves' a selfish, tight, uncaring husband. Has an affair with someone who won't let her end it and doesn't seem to be able to say no and mean it. Has a sex text affair with a married man who seems to be happy to head towards cheating on his Mrs. She seems to pick total losers and needs to be alone to sort herself out.

Or a complete bitch who loves it all while she is having fun but now there is a risk of being found out she lurves her H and wants to make it work with him despite messing around on him for years now.

Both are fucked up.

She just text me to say she's told bloke 1 it's over. He's not taken it very well from what i can gather.