Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

who is right???

26 replies

shylady · 05/03/2012 23:43

Hi ladies, I posted on her a long while ago as pinkhair..... It was about my now XH and how he treated me and my DS, he was very abusive to me, mentally, verbally and emotionally but we have both come a long way since then and I'm now very happy in a new relationship with a women and I'm very happy, my XH is still on the scene because he see's my DS, but the question I need some help with is.....
He is saying that I have to give my son money to go out and buy him presents with when its his birthday, xmas etc, DS is 8 years old, my XH has a new partner and I said that now we are divorced it is not my responability to do this anymore, it should be his partners job, as it will be the same for me too, he has been with his new partner since he walked out on me and my DS over a year ago, he also said that it is up to me to explain to DS why mummy is not letting him buy his daddy presents, XH says its not his new partners job. Has anyone got any advice on this and how to deal with it??

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 05/03/2012 23:47

Is it possible to just ignore it? He's talking unremitting bollox.

izzyizin · 05/03/2012 23:49

If your xh intends to give your ds money to buy you birthday/christmas presents, I don't see why you can't show generousity of spirit by reciprocating.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 05/03/2012 23:49

Unless, of course, he's going to give ds money to buy you birthday and Xmas presents?

FetchezLaVache · 05/03/2012 23:51

Arf at Izzy's comment! Go on, please say that to him next time he whitters on.

Reading between the lines, his new woman isn't interesting in taking DS shopping, but he's not prepared to forgo his pressies. Has he a birthday coming up, perhaps?

Diggs · 05/03/2012 23:51

You certainly dont HAVE to , but it would be nice for your son to be able to buy something for his dads birthday .

Original poster
shylady · 05/03/2012 23:59

He has a birthday coming up next week and no he doesn't expect to give my DS money to buy me presents, he has already said that my new partner can buy for me on mothers day??

OP posts:
izzyizin · 06/03/2012 00:01

In that case, tell the greedy, childish, arsehole to stuff off.

Diggs · 06/03/2012 00:06

Agree with Izzy if thats the case .

Lueji · 06/03/2012 00:06

If you can't bring yourself to tell him to f off, tell your ex to give DS an allowance so that he can save enough money to buy him a present.
He can take DS shopping.
DS is 8, he must be capable of entering a shop by himself, no?

tallwivglasses · 06/03/2012 00:10

Nooooo.

Get DS to make a b-u-tiful piece of 'artwork' entitled 'Dad of the Year'

(may I suggest, off the top of my head, a huge collage of pasta, seeds, feathers and glitter glue, you know, the stuff that never properly dries ...and insist it's displayed on the fridge until, say, Fathers' Day when he could be presented with a mahoosive recycled junk sculpture) Grin

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 06/03/2012 00:11

Am liking tall's idea... Grin

solidgoldbrass · 06/03/2012 00:42

Fucking hell, what a dickhead. Agree with TWG, encourage your DS to make Daddy a gift.

garlicbutter · 06/03/2012 00:44

Really good to hear from you Pink!

Nope, he's being a cunt.

Original poster
shylady · 06/03/2012 14:34

Thanks ladies for all your advice, much needed, xxxx

OP posts:
Amaretti · 06/03/2012 14:38

In an ideal world your son would use his pocket money to buy small presents for both his parents at appropriate times, encouraged by the other parent. I'm not sure whether or not you can achieve this.

feedbackforfree · 06/03/2012 14:51

For me, this isn't about you or your XH, it's about your child understanding the joy of giving. That's not intended to sound harsh at all!

As granny, I take the responsibility for buying cards and small presents for my grandchildren's mum, from them. It gives them a lot of pleasure and at 5 and 3, Christmas was a joy helping them to chose these little presents. Not because of what it meant to my daugher but because of what it meant for the children.

I cant really advise you OP but just wanted to let you know what happens in my family. Maybe his parents could help?

PeppermintPasty · 06/03/2012 14:53

I'm in a faint from all the unremitting tossers being described on MN today.

What an utter fuckwit.

How is it possible for him to be such a sack of hideous wankery?

Words fail me. Well, non-swear words fail me.

CurrySpice · 06/03/2012 14:57

I pay for my DDs' presents for their dad at birthday, Christmas, and fathers day. He does the same for me.

But we have a very amicable relationship and it's a two-way street

Your ex sounds like an spoilt brat

TheCrunchUnderfoot · 06/03/2012 15:03

Could you try and explain the logic of 'perhaps we should treat each other the same, and fairly, for the sake of our child'??

Sorry no ignore that. For a minute there I was assuming the presence of working adult brain cells - after a second glance through the pearls of idiocy excreted by the Fart In Question I see that's totally unworkable for a discussion!

Hope your DS takes after the mentally functioning side of the family :)

EdithWeston · 06/03/2012 15:12

I think the child-made piece of special artwork is the way ahead. The effort and thought he will out into it is worth far more than money.

Leverette · 06/03/2012 16:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SarahBumBarer · 06/03/2012 17:41

I don't understand this Confused

Does he really not understand why if he expects your new partner to buy such gifts for you it is entirely reasonable that you expect his new partner to do the same for him?

Really really Confused

susiedaisy · 06/03/2012 18:57

Hi pink I remember you, and your ex was an abusive wanker of monumental proportions, so glad to hear you have moved on and found yourself a new partnerSmile he still sounds like he is being tosser!

Original poster
shylady · 07/03/2012 22:02

Thanks ladies, the art work picture is going to be fantastic, the best present DS dad could ever get from his son :)

OP posts:
tallwivglasses · 07/03/2012 23:01

Please linky when it's done.

Swipe left for the next trending thread