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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

dropout brother stole my jewellery do i involve police

32 replies

chosenone · 05/03/2012 20:52

So....have posted before about my druggy brother, many issues over the years. Currently we have found him to be ok, ticking along ok after many let downs and hurts. I have given him many chances and supported him. He has been doing odd jobs for me, housem/garden etc for bit of cash or groceries. He has done stupid things nick milk and water mine down, raid my painkillers etc... This w end has topped it he has found, stolen and pawned my wedding jewellery ( me and exDH seperated it was hidden ). I have been shaking with rage, sobbing and a wreck. My poor mums been here, my ex and and DP all feeling similar. I've calmed down but they all believe I should report to police and see if they can see him on the jewellers CCTV ...I want my engagement back for DD. I'VE No idea where to start

OP posts:
faeriemoo · 05/03/2012 20:54

I haven't read any of your previous posts, but think that, yes, in this case, I would involve the police.

LiarsWife · 05/03/2012 20:55

Yes you need to involve the police x

boredandrestless · 05/03/2012 20:56

I would definitely call the police.

oikopolis · 05/03/2012 20:58

police definitely. that's your DD's inheritance. don't let him take that from you.

ABatInBunkFive · 05/03/2012 21:00

Phone the police. Sad

LentillyFart · 05/03/2012 21:02

Definitely call the Police. Tough love is what he needs and if you do nothing - well, where's the consequences for him. Of course it's not easy but you really must.

izzyizin · 05/03/2012 21:04

How do you know he's pawned your treasured jewellery? Is this what he's told you? If this is the case, it will be a simple matter for the police to recover the items.

From what you've said, you've tried to help your brother and he's repaid your kindness and forebearance by stealing from you.

I have no hesitation in adding my voice to the above and reiterate what you've been told in rl - report this matter to police without further delay.

I hope your valuables are restored to you soon and that you'll come back with an update.

Original poster
chosenone · 05/03/2012 21:42

Yes he eventually admitted to my dad that he'd done it....I rang him and he begrudgingly told me he'd taken it and where, he said he was an idiot but didn't apologise. He seemed to think that because me and exDH split I'd forgotten about them. Do I contact the jewellers first to stop them from selling on or scrapping or ring the police first. In some ways I am scared even though I'm supported by ex, DP and my family. He's pretty much a desperate junkie and I'm worried about his reaction but I do think he's got away with us enabling his addictions for years. I can not feel any love for him anymore I only wish the Taliban had got him when he was in the army. Thanks all for your words.

OP posts:
izzyizin · 05/03/2012 22:11

You phone the police on the non-emergency number now, report the crime give them the details, and let them handle it.

Presupposing you wanted to let your brother off the hook, if he's pawned your jewellery, you'll need the relevant ticket to redeem your items - and the necessary cash to get them back.

izzyizin · 05/03/2012 22:13

You may not feel any love for your brother at the present time but I hope you'll reconsider saying things about him such as I only wish the Taliban had got him when he was in the army because it may be that his army experiences have contributed to, or caused, his present antisocial behaviour.

MsF1t · 05/03/2012 22:19

izzyizin - I thought the same- though I think we can all understand how pissed off she must be feeling.

izzyizin · 05/03/2012 22:49

I fully understand how royally and righteously pissed off the OP is feeling about her brother's despicable behaviour MsF1t.

However, I hope the OP will recant as giving voice to such sentiments may give her cause for future regret, and he's not worth that.

MsF1t · 05/03/2012 22:51

Whoa. Sorry if that came across wrongly- I agree with you. I thought the same thing, but I am sure she said what she said in the heat of the moment. That's all I meant to add to it, in case she felt got at by us both saying it...

Original poster
chosenone · 05/03/2012 22:57

I know what you're saying, I'm angry at him and he was a druggie prior to his stint in the army so I don't think it changed him unfortunately. The problem is I foresee a long drawn out life with him upsetting my parents, probably going to prison, etc he has caused a lot of heart ache and I fear there's more to come. Hence why wondering whether dying a hero would have been better.

OP posts:
BigGirlInASmallWorld · 05/03/2012 23:02

Agree with izzyin

I feel for you, all the best x

izzyizin · 05/03/2012 23:11

It would be preferable if we could all be remembered as heroes, but we don't know what the grand plan is for any of us or, indeed, whether there is one.

Whether your brother's able to turn himself around remains to be seen. In the meantime, it's tough love and fingers crossed that where there's life, there's hope.

I hope you get your jewellery back and I also hope you'll come back with an update.

butilikesalt · 05/03/2012 23:14

Phone the police straight away, and go to the pawn shop and identify your things. You will need a police report to claim on your contents insurance (assuming you do not get your things back). Don't let him back in your house as it will invalidate your insurance. (Even if you don't have insurance, you can use this as a justification for calling the police and banning him.)

Bogeyface · 06/03/2012 00:00

I was under the impression (from a police friend) that if you inform a reputable pawn shop that an item is stolen, they must not sell it and will not sell it otherwise they will be breaking the law for handling stolen goods. If they bought it in good faith and return it, via the police, to the owner then they will be out of pocket, probably get a bollocking and that will be that. If they are found to be buying stolen goods regularly and not making appropriate checks then that will be a different matter, but you should get your stuff back.

Original poster
chosenone · 06/03/2012 19:40

Quick update....reported to the police and booked in to make a statement tomorrow. ExDH went to pawn shop and said police were investigating etc and they knew nothing and went through the strict system of buying off people Sad looks like my ring has gone....My anger has subsided and people are being so supportive. I am just very clear that the consequence of his actions and choosing drugs over me and his family when we've forgiven him for so much means its over and I don't want to know him or see him ever. Can't imagine making a statement never done it before.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 06/03/2012 20:04

Making a statement is no bother, its just boring! They ask you what happened and write down what you say word for word and then you check it and sign it as what you believe to be a true account of the facts. But it can take a while, thats the only problem!

Bogeyface · 06/03/2012 20:04

I am so sorry about your ring btw, are you sure that he sold it to that particular shop? Maybe worth checking other shops as it seems a bit suss that it has been sold in such a short space of time.

izzyizin · 06/03/2012 21:26

Sounds suspicious to me too.

If he pawned your jewellery he will have been given a receipt to redeem it.

If he sold it outright that's another matter entirely and it could be that the shop is culpable for buying/handling stolen goods.

Was your exdh able to track down the remainder of your wedding jewellery?

After you've given your statement to the police, it is probable that your brother will be apprehended and it could be that his story undergoes a sea change when he's questioned.

Bogeyface · 06/03/2012 21:56

I think so too Izzy, it could be that he doesnt want to admit that he sold to a fence for a fraction of its true worth because he knew he couldnt get rid of it in a legitimate shop. :(

izzyizin · 06/03/2012 23:50

I know of more than a few pubs establishments where it is possible to buy and sell a vast array of large and small goods with no questions asked and, in common with Bogey, I suspect that your brother has not pawned your jewellery but has sold it cheap in his/your local or to one or more of his mates.

As the saying has it 'the truth will out' but, sadly, time that could have been used to reclaim stolen items is often lost, along with the valuables, before the truth emerges.

Original poster
chosenone · 07/03/2012 07:27

Tbh I reckon he probably just swapped my beloved ring for a bag of amphetamines worth
£20 as that's what he would've wanted. He won't admit it though as he tends to believe his own bullshit and has a twisted sense of reality. But it will be interesting to see what he tells the police. It's a shame my children won't get mine and ex's wedding jewellery, well.more than a shame, its unfair beyond belief. They will get our wedding album and other momentoes and the story about their uncle hopefully will be a strong anti drugs message. Thanks again

OP posts: