dropout brother stole my jewellery do i involve police

[chosenone]

So....have posted before about my druggy brother, many issues over the years. Currently we have found him to be ok, ticking along ok after many let downs and hurts. I have given him many chances and supported him. He has been doing odd jobs for me, housem/garden etc for bit of cash or groceries. He has done stupid things nick milk and water mine down, raid my painkillers etc... This w end has topped it he has found, stolen and pawned my wedding jewellery ( me and exDH seperated it was hidden ). I have been shaking with rage, sobbing and a wreck. My poor mums been here, my ex and and DP all feeling similar. I've calmed down but they all believe I should report to police and see if they can see him on the jewellers CCTV ...I want my engagement back for DD. I'VE No idea where to start

Just thought I'd update ... My brother arrested and was bailed until today. He admitted my engagement ring, nothing else. He's going to court. My parents have forgiven him after about two days of not speaking and felt I shouldn't have gone to the police. The police have said it will be very straightforward as he's admitted it. My parents clearly want me to drop it and are worried about it being in the local paper, I can tell my dad thinks less of me which has been quite upsetting and a bit of a wake up call. I know he feels sorry for my brother and my brother is the much more compliant sibling with my dad but he made his bed ..... I'm clear that I went to the police as this was just too much and I need to follow through.

You did absolutely the right thing. Never doubt that.

Good on you, shame on your parents!

Chosenone really sorry about your situation. You did the right thing. I genuinely feel for people with addiction problems but frankly they have made some bad choices and it pisses me off that other family / friends feel that they have to 'suck it up' for the sake of the addict's feelings. I have seen too many addicts (mainly alcoholics, fewer junkies) who believe that the world owes them something or that they are absolved of all responsibility for being decent because of their illness.

You have done everything you can to support your brother because you see him as a person deserving help. Unfortunately addicts stop seeing others as people, they just see them as objects, useful or not useful. Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they climb back up. Maybe your family need to understand this too - I think you deserve more support from them tbh but there's always such guilt with addicts in the family. Your parents probably feel guilty about your brother and maybe they have reason to - or maybe not. That's probably why they are backtracking but their gut reaction - the initial one - shows their real feelings of anger and disgust. I hope you get your stuff back and I hope at some stage your brother gets the help he needs.

Sadly, the longer your parents continue in this attitude of sweeping it under the carpet, the longer it will be before he has to seek treatment when he really has bit rock bottom.

What enablers dont realise is that far from helping the addict, they are actually making things worse :( Have you tried telling your parents that?

So sorry that this is happening Chose but you have atleast drawn your line in the sand and fwiw, I think your brother will think twice about either trying to get in with you again, or stealing from you again because he knows that you wont just forgive and forget.

Your words mean a lot, it really has stressed me out. I really think my dad has been passive aggressive about this and tried to heap a load of guilt on me. But I'm clear in my own mind.

The thing is Chose is that your mum and dad have to believe that you are wrong otherwise that means accepting that their way of dealing with it I.e. not dealing with it, is wrong.

You reporting him has forced to them to face that their son is an addict and a thief who cares more about drugs than his family. If he can steal from you then he can steal from them, and perhaps already has but they haven't told you about i. By convincing themselves that you over-reacted they can kid themselves that he isn't that bad..

However, I would very pissed off about them being more worried about it being in the paper than him being made to pay for his crime (s).