Am new to this and not sure whether this post belongs here or in Mental Health, so please bear with me.
My DH has always been quiet, not much of a conversationalist and he has no hobbies or pastimes apart from his work (IT), doesn't read much, so not much to talk about. He works away Mon to Thurs, so we have three days together.
I tell him about my week and he'll respond with something along the lines of 'work's OK, had a drink one night, weather has been good, went for a walk, not much more to say really' and that's about it.
We talk about the weather a lot, we watch loads of TV - he will never make a comment about what's on the screen, just watches - and he spends hours doing jigsaw puzzles. He likes going for walks with the dog and will go to the cinema, pub etc if I suggest and organise it.
We have just moved to a 'new' house - Victorian terrace, our third move. This house has broken floorboards, a 60-year-old bathroom and needs a serious facelift. He said he wanted a challenge - now he says he can't face it and says I should take charge of all the work. Says he is 'no good' at talking to or sourcing tradesmen.
Now, we have been here before. Years ago, faced with yet another shithole house, I got quotes, made suggestions and offered to get the work done. At the time he was annoyed that I 'had all the ideas' and said it was up to him to have ideas etc.
I knew this would happen and didn't want to buy another ruin, he wouldn't contemplate a newish house.
I am so frustrated and lonely with the silences, what I see as passivity and the frustration of living in a grubby old house. I am an educated, intelligent woman and really enjoy making a home and making progress, but I feel I am up against a stone wall. I am now seriously worried about my mental wellbeing as I seem to alternate between being very depressed (ie quiet and compliant, not nagging etc) or fiercely angry with fantasies of running away/hitting him.
I think DHs passivity is almost aggressive in its effect on me.
Background is his mum wore the trousers, his dad was a passive part-time transvestite, his first wife long-term depressive. I have had two long-term relationships coloured by physical and emotional abuse. I married DH because he is such a 'nice' man and he kind and generous, kind to my adult DS etc.
Seriously think I am going mad here and have lost all motivation to do anything myself.
Sorry about this long rant but have no RL people to talk to.