What to do? :(

[kickmewhenimdown]

Have been with partner 7 years, and i have 1 child together and I have 1 ds from a previous relationship who call -d-p dad. Things have been a little bumpy for a while, nothing that I thought was that bad. Worse thing I thought was our love life taking a nose dive for the last year (ds2 is ny 13 months) but it had started picking up recently and I thought we were getting back on track.

He was using my laptop and didn't log out of facebook and so when i went on i noticed he had messages from next door neighbour and curiousity got the better of me. I looked. And then I wish I hadn't. There are over 1000 messages between them and while maybe 2/3rds are harmless what you having for tea type the others aren't. It's him basically painting my out to be a shit partner (i.e. kickmewhenimdown is away to xxxxx another town xxxxx wont be home till after 9, dont know what she does - when he knows fine well im at bloody uni doing my evening course to finish my degree) and him trying to get into her pants, asking what she wearing/to meet up/how much he fancies her. Neighbour seems to be going along with it. He's been telling her that he is only here for our son and would leave but doesn't want to see son homeless which is a crock of shit, I could afford to pay mortgage, id be poor but I would manage

I dont think they have done anything yet and I have copied messages into a file in case he deletes them. Im in a bloody quandry. On one hand I do love my partner and probably could forgive him eventually, and want to spend the rest of my life with him but on the other hand I think what a fucking fucking bastard, how could he fucking do this to us. I haven't let on that i know and dont know what to fucking do. I would have never in a million years thought he was capable of this :(

Its probably stupid of me but neighbour is a mess, looks like a junkie and had 3 of her kids taken off her, and literally one step away from being evicted. I feel ashamed that I am even feeling I have to compete with that. I dont blame her in any way though, it fucking him thats being a dick, she doesnt have any loyalty to me.

Of she's one step away from getting evicted, why don't you help her with the final step?!

I would be ashamed to AF...it's bloody awful! She was using a turn of phrase...I;m sure she doesn't feel the need to compete really.

As for the disbelief about the scrounging...a lot of the people on MN lead VERY sheltered lives. I have seen kids go through dustbins where I grew up...eating birds bread off the lawn. Begging for cigarette ends is the nicer end of poverty.

< Pins on AF fan badge >
< glares threateningly around thread >

And OP you need to confront.
And no more lending your neighbour stuff.

AF is abusive to people in the relationship threasd that have real problems. How you support that is beyond me.

I hope you are OK kickmewhenimdown. Try not to be affected by the bullyish, nasty replies to your very real problem. MN is usually supporive.

AF cuts to the heart of the matter and offers sensible, wise advice.

Oh FFS, can stop kicking someone who actually IS trying to help and start rolling up your own sleeves and help the OP.

This back biting is pathetic, it's sooo last year and tbh it's a waste of keystrokes.

Anyone that says AF is abusive to people on here can't be on MN very often tbh, so I'd not take blind bit of notice of the NetHuns contingent.

OP. You are being literally and royally FUCKED over by the piece of shit you are living with. He needs to GO. NOW.

The neighbour? well you need to ask for the phone back. and if asked, say that you are unhappy that she is messaging your DP with it and tbh she is taking the piss. Tell her that she has to return it, or you will report it stolen and have it BLOCKED.

Then tell her that if she wants to borrow, tea, coffee, the microwave, your DP's DICK to forget it.

Stand UP for yourself woman! She can't do this.

You are a home owner and mother of 2 who is doing a degree course and only has 7 years left on her mortgage. Well done you!

WTF are you doing with this cheating cocklodger of a partner? Why are you living next door to a bullying anti-social junkie just because it's near to your mum?

Please get some legal advice about removing your partner from the property, rent it out and move somewhere else where you can make a new start. You REALLY deserve better than this.

1. AF is fucking fantastic and I would have struggled to know what to do with my abusive STBExH without reading her no nonsense advice in Relationships. So gerrof.

1. OP. Your partner is a bastard. Put everything that belongs to him in bin bags and leave it outside. I wish I had done this years ago when I found all sorts of bollocks on my PC. Would have saved years of nonsense. You are clearly worth more. Don't be nice. He does not deserve nice.

I see the OP has gone though....so AF's nasty "no nonsense" advice didn't help in this case did it? NOt everyone responds to that kind of thing and all this arse licking is awful..."Gavel" the bollocks....Milk you're not the MN monitor and you don't get to GAVEL anyone love....I can say what I want and AF is hard and mean.

Milk there is brown stuff on your nose..

at the arse licking.

AF, your advice is noty helpfull and is needlessly bullying and mean. Your not bloomin simon cowell for gods sake!!!!!
There is no need to be so harsh and blunt and horrible. Yes you all are. The bullying and back biting is annoying, I only come on this every so often because I have a life.
Whereas you post all the time?.....hmmmmmmm
I completely agree with AM.

My advice would be, try and get more proof, be as unbiased as you can, get a solicitor and leave. Not make a huge dramatic confrontational scene with his clothes chucked out the window/in bin bags crap.

If people have doubts like that in a relationship, tbh it is time to call it quits. Although I believe you should try everything first if you are married or have kids before you call it quits.

I agree with summer2012 and notimeforsociallife too, it is so so true.

And wghy would you even be on my xmas card list? I do not care for you attitude at all AF. Or your 'fans' attitude.

My point was, people posting can be upset, this is there life, it is real and horrible for them and inseitive comments like....

AnyFucker Wed 29-Feb-12 15:06:53
yes, you are too nice

what the hell is wrong with you ?

get fucking rid of him, and keep her out of your house

do you really need to be told this ?

AnyFucker Wed 29-Feb-12 15:22:39
I feel ashamed that I have to compete with that

Nice

AnyFucker Wed 29-Feb-12 15:26:02
no, you are being a sap for even considering staying with this bloke and letting the woman who is trying to shag ponce off you
Add message | Report | Message poster AnyFucker Wed 29-Feb-12 15:26:39
who he is trying to shag

you are also being offensive

Pufty you did say 'is this even real?' and you did apologise for that and offer some helpful advice so I am sorry.

But as for all this fan crap, its all BS. I WAS JUST TRYING TO SAY PEOPLE WHO POST ARE VERY UPSET< NO NEED TO QUICK THEM WHEN THEY ARE DOWN>

jesus one post and then all this? IF YOU DIDNT LIKE WHAT I SAID, ignore it and carry on and leave me alone. I say it as I find.

i also forgot and wanted to say that i dont care for swearing on posts by anyone, for anything, there is no need for a pottymouth, and af, your name does have wearing in it :/

FFS What is this? An AF witchhunt??

Getting back to the OP - OP I get that you are probably scared of this woman but you need to calmly tell her that youve seen the messages to your DP and you dont want to ever see her face again.

As for your DP he sounds disgusting. Slagging you off to try and get in your neighbours knickers. How can you even bear to look at him - he has no respect for you at all. Do you honestly believe nothing has already happened given the 1000s of messages? I dont mean to sound harsh but from your description of her I would be getting myself STD tested asap.

I've not been on mumsnet long but even i know that AF inevitably talks sense!

So you are still living in the house with this dickhead and haven't said anything?

Is it his house or something?

I just don't understand how you could be going on as if nothing is happening.

I also havent been on MN long but I know that if I needed advice on this relationships forum I would hope that AF was around to talk some sense

Dont get all the mudslinging

Its only please do not twist my words to make them suit your own pathetic agenda

I came on here to answer the OP not get involved in all this childish backbiting

Classic newbie put down