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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

weird or coincidence

61 replies

meandmypickle · 29/02/2012 10:16

It doesn' t really matter i suppose as h and are are splitting up, but this is wierd.

A few nights ago he came in fromt work a couple of hours late 9said he was very busy) and i saw there was quite alot of blood on the back of his shirt. he has not attempted to hide it.DS noticed the blood and asked h about it and he just said he cut himslef. How can you cut yourself so it bleeds so much in an office?? Then today I was sorting washing and found a pair of knickers (think they were a very old pair of mine, not worn them in years) in his jeans pocket....
In the past he has looked at bdsm websites and maybe still does.
would you this this was strange?

OP posts:
LiarsWife · 29/02/2012 13:40

Coming in from work with blood on his back - yes I'd think that strange but I'd find the knickers in his pocket stranger!!!

Original poster
meandmypickle · 29/02/2012 13:47

I thought it was too - not sure what to make of it? If anything?!

OP posts:
mojitomania · 29/02/2012 13:52

Recon they're probably two separate things and a co-incidence but both a bit weird Shock

mojitomania · 29/02/2012 13:55

whats bdsm? Think I've worked out the sado masachist bit at the end.

AKissIsNotAContract · 29/02/2012 13:56

Do you think he has visited a pro Domme?

mojitomania · 29/02/2012 13:57

I was thinking that Akiss or a club like thing where they play this stuff out?

Original poster
meandmypickle · 29/02/2012 14:25

A pro Domme? What's that
The other thing was he smelt strongly of his deodorant when he got in (the night of the bloody shirt) - usually he doesnt

OP posts:
Original poster
meandmypickle · 29/02/2012 14:26

BDSM - bondage, dominance sadism masochism

OP posts:
izzyizin · 29/02/2012 14:35

Here's your other thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1417100-Ive-done-it

Given that you're planning to divorce, does it matter what he's been up to?

As you're not sleeping together it's unlikely that you're going to get a look at his back to see if it's criss-crossed with lash marks, and expressing any doubt about his explanation is likely to induce another bout of swearing and door slamming.

In the interests of your ds, I would suggest you get yourself to a solicitor sooner rather than later and get the divorce process under way.

izzyizin · 29/02/2012 14:36

link to your other thread here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1417100-Ive-done-it

mojitomania · 29/02/2012 14:37

Pro Domme - think it's a professional dominatrix?

Does it matter OP or are you just curious? I'd take comfort from the fact that he's your ex and he's just clarifying that you've made the right decision.

Original poster
meandmypickle · 29/02/2012 14:46

I have an appt booked with a solicitor Izzy.
I'm just curious mojit. It's possible i suppose he just cut himself (somehow?!) not sure how to explain the knickers though.
Just looked at bank account too - he's had 2 recent trips to boots. he pretty much never buys anything in there...

OP posts:
Original poster
meandmypickle · 29/02/2012 14:52

and theres's also a note with some of his things saying "wax strips, lockable bag" wtf has he been up to???

OP posts:
izzyizin · 29/02/2012 14:58

Why don't you pack a few of his clothes in his lockable bag and despatch him to a bedsit until your divorce goes through?

MadAboutHotChoc · 29/02/2012 15:02

I find the fact that you are still doing his household chores e.g laundry weird...

AnyFucker · 29/02/2012 15:04

pickle, will you listen to yourself, love ?

Original poster
meandmypickle · 29/02/2012 15:30

AF - I know! I'm just curious and if anything if what might be true, is true, it just makes the whole thing even easier
However wtf has been up to??

OP posts:
LiarsWife · 29/02/2012 16:00

Not really your business now pet x

Original poster
meandmypickle · 29/02/2012 16:19

No, not my business now i guess as it's over.
However i still wonder if he has been up to anything as this would have happened while we were still "together"
So would be interested what anyone thinks about the things i've seen/found.
I don't know much about these things!

OP posts:
izzyizin · 29/02/2012 16:53

Life's far too short to speculate when you've got far more important fish to fry.

Whatever he may nor may have been up to, it may have happened while you were sharing a roof but it certainly didn't happen while you were 'together'.

You're best advised to regard this non event as an object lesson in detaching from him and his doings.

PS... each post on this board has room for 1000 responses; please stay on one until it's full as numerous threads on what is essentially the same topic - i.e the sorry state of your hopefully soon to be ended marriage - only serve to confuse or obscure the issues.

Original poster
meandmypickle · 29/02/2012 17:13

Yes ok Izzy.
I'd prefer you not to post on my threads if you're going to be like this.
FYI I've actually spent several hours today starting to sort out important things re separating from h.
I was confused by what i'd found, ie blood, notes re wax strips, etc and thought i might gt some help from here as to what it might mean. I didn't open the thread to get a lecture from you.

OP posts:
Original poster
meandmypickle · 29/02/2012 17:17

DS has now just told me that daddy's back isn't hairy anymore. Can you wax your own back?! I'd asked him to years to give it a go, I did it for him once and he said never again as it hurt so much. No it appears he's chosen to do it. What's with the lockable bag, etc.
i'm starting to fell a bit scared and uncomfortable about him being in the house, even though we are in separate rooms all the time

OP posts:
maras2 · 29/02/2012 17:48

Hi.Pickle.You are sounding very obsessed now.Try to not let his little peccadilloes bother you.That way madness lies. Mx.

Original poster
meandmypickle · 29/02/2012 17:52

Thanks Maras - my mind is probabaly working overtime with all the stress of everything!
Just wish I knew wtf he's been up to!!! He can't have done his back himself? Would he really go to someone offering "services" for this??!

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 29/02/2012 18:08

Pickle, I do think Izzy has a fair point. It makes it very difficult for anyone to give a balanced and fair opinion when you start so many threads, as it is hard work for people to have to go back and look at your other posts to try and get a fuller picture.

We have all tried over the last couple of weeks to offer you our advice, even if some of it may not be want you want to hear, (but such is the nature of a public forum). I would say from your posts that you are quite depressed over the whole situation that you are in, and seeing your GP may be a step in the right direction to help.