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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

weird or coincidence

61 replies

meandmypickle · 29/02/2012 10:16

It doesn' t really matter i suppose as h and are are splitting up, but this is wierd.

A few nights ago he came in fromt work a couple of hours late 9said he was very busy) and i saw there was quite alot of blood on the back of his shirt. he has not attempted to hide it.DS noticed the blood and asked h about it and he just said he cut himslef. How can you cut yourself so it bleeds so much in an office?? Then today I was sorting washing and found a pair of knickers (think they were a very old pair of mine, not worn them in years) in his jeans pocket....
In the past he has looked at bdsm websites and maybe still does.
would you this this was strange?

OP posts:

dwpanxt · 29/02/2012 18:20

Is he perhaps a secret transvestite? That's the first thing I thought when I read 'wax strips' . The blood could haver been him attempting to shave his back and ending up with a sideways slice (ouch) and the lockable bag is to put his female gear in.
The knickers are obvious.

squeakytoy · 29/02/2012 18:25

I really cant imagine there being a lot of blood from waxing.. .I have waxed my legs, arms and nether regions many times over the years.. and it stings like hell but blood? never..

And I doubt anyone could do a DIY back wax or shave to themselves.. you would look like a lawnmower had done a patchy job.. it would be impossible to do yourself with a razor I would have thought...

something2say · 29/02/2012 18:32

I think that he's getting out there now that the marriage is openly over. He's got freedom now, and he's using it.

Try not to worry what he's doing. It must hurt I know. But you are no longer together, so its not your business. Can you consider living separately so you don't have to see it? And I'd cease looking thro his things or doing his washing. If he is having his back waxed, buying personal products from Boots and visiting sex parlours, that's up to him now.

The question is, what are YOU up to? That's a much better question.

mojitomania · 29/02/2012 18:36

OP, poor you, the biggest thing here is you still living in the same house as him. Is there no way you could leave or make him fuck off vacate? It's natural to wonder what the other one is up to when they're still in such close proximity and it's ok to post this on here. Don't let the anger of a few stop you just because you haven't followed their advice to the letter

mojitomania · 29/02/2012 18:40

Sorry OP computer bombed out before I'd finished.

Whilst the "thread police" do have a fraction of a point (mostly for their own benefit) I'm sure you're not posting more than one thread on purpose.

Original poster

meandmypickle · 29/02/2012 18:44

Thanks something & mojit.
It's more disturbing that he was doing this before we'd officially split up i suppose, and of course makes me wonder how long he's been doing, whatever it is he's up to.
Unfortunately there is nowhere for him to go, as soon as things are in motion, our house will go on the market. Solicitor said in terms of money best to try to stay in the same house til it's sold if we can. Alos less disruption for ds.
Thanks for understanding its natural to wonder what someone who still livel with and have been with for a long time is up to :) Some seem to think that you can just "switch off" once you'd made the decsion to split - real life is rarely like that.
Sqeaky, no i'm not depressed, just stresses with the break up of my marriage - pretty normal reaction to be stresed and over think a bit i think.
DW - transvestite?!?

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 29/02/2012 18:47

I apologise then, but having read all of your previous threads, I would say you sound depressed. It would be perfectly reasonable and understandable if you were, as a major operation, marital problems and worries for the future are the biggest triggers for depression anyway.

Original poster

meandmypickle · 29/02/2012 18:48

i have now found mens hair removal cream, tweezers, and a nail file and purchasd today
I was not snooping btw- he'd just left it all out on full display

OP posts:

Original poster

meandmypickle · 29/02/2012 18:50

Apology accepted Squeaky. I think you should be careful though, trying to "diagnose" people you haven't met

OP posts:

mojitomania · 29/02/2012 18:52

I wonder what the bloke upstairs gets up to a lot he's a dodgy bastard his comings and goings don't add up. I also suppose that some posters are worried that you might make yourself ill wanting to know about him but you sound like you're doing ok in a very shit situation. Chin up OP, it will be over huh.

mojitomania · 29/02/2012 18:55

Sounds like he's doing a bit of "sprucing" for the next poor victim

AnyFucker · 29/02/2012 18:56

mojito, the "thread police" as you call them have been with pickle right from the beginning of this sorry mess

have been there for her, many times over (pickle will attest to this)

and are now (as kindly as it is possible to do) trying to highlight that that she is still obsessing about stuff she will never get an answer to, the essence of which has actually been holding her back from making a break from him for a very long time

so, no, giving a manly shake is not for anybody's "benefit" but her own and if I had a friend in RL that was using up valuable airtime on speculating why her nasty exP was using wax strips and scrutinising receipts from a high st chemist I would say the same

you need to get on with your own life, pickle, peering into his murky world is going to bring you nothing but yet more pain and confusion

Original poster

meandmypickle · 29/02/2012 18:57

Thanks Mojo :) If they're genuinely worried, then that's kind :)
I feel i' m actually doing ok in the circumstances.

I partly want to know becuase then if i ever dount my decision by thinking of the good bits, I'll have this to think of too - thing is, I dont actually know what "this" is
I'd love to know what others would make of the sudden interest in hair removal, grooming, blood on shirt, locking bag, etc. I just feel i need to know! But of course i wont ask h

OP posts:

mojitomania · 29/02/2012 18:59

AF and some others need to step away from the computer for a while me thinks Sorry OP - still here with you.

Things take as long as they do.

Original poster

meandmypickle · 29/02/2012 18:59

Thanks AF :) I do appreciate everyones responses.
I suppose i just wanted confirmation that the recent findings are murky!! I think they must be, but its easy to jump to conclusions!

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 29/02/2012 19:01

x-posted with pickle

love, I think he is doing this on purpose to fuck with your head

you are falling for it

just ignore it all, really, it is for the best

mojitomania · 29/02/2012 19:04

I also agree with what has just been said too OP. He is leaving his trail to get you going isn't he?

AnyFucker · 29/02/2012 19:04

give over, mojito

AnyFucker · 29/02/2012 19:05

aggh, x-posts again (trying to talk to dh at the same time)

mojitomania · 29/02/2012 19:07

Sod off AF. A lot of what you say is right on the button but we all burn out sometimes and need to step away

Original poster

meandmypickle · 29/02/2012 19:08

AF - that suddenly crossed my mind that he's trying to mess with my head AGAIN!!
He must remember i used to go on at him to have a try with back waxing but he refused(apart from once). He knows ds would notice the lack of hair and tell me - my god what a total fuckwit!!!

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 29/02/2012 19:10

I am NOT trying to diagnose you! I am trying to offer you some help. Having suffered with depression in the past, worked through my husband having two nervous breakdowns, and read many posts on here from people who do wonder if they could be suffering from depression, your posts scream out to me that you are very unhappy. All I am suggesting is that you could see your GP who WOULD be able to give you a diagnosis.

It is also very easy to jump to conclusions about all sorts of things when you are depressed. I am not for a moment saying that if you are, that getting treatment for it will sort out your marriage or blaming you by implying that depression could be the CAUSE of your problems. I am simply suggesting that your husbands behaviour and your recent health problems may be leading you towards a downwards spiral of depression and that then could also be stopping you from being able to find the strength you need to value your own judgement on the situation you are in.

If your husband suspects you may be suffering too, he could well be playing on that and that will not help you either.

I am just trying my best here to offer you some advice, as are the others. We cant make the decisions for you.

AnyFucker · 29/02/2012 19:11

< steps away from mojito >

He's yanking your chain, pickle

ignore, ignore, ignore

ImperialBlether · 29/02/2012 19:15

Well, I can really understand why she wants to know. I haven't read previous threads, but I've been in the position of wondering what the hell was going on. It might not be particularly healthy, but it's hard not to think about it.

If my ex had a bleeding back and women's knickers in his pocket, damn right I'd be wondering what he was doing. You'd have to wonder whether it's something he'd wanted to do for years or actually had been doing.

OK well, has he ever shown an interest in S&M?

Are you SURE the knickers were yours?

I'd say if he's waxing/removing hair then someone is looking at him. Good luck to them, I think. He sounds vile; it's a matter of time before they realise it.

Try to develop interests of your own and try to be out of the house when he's around. Can you join a running club or a gym? I think you'd be happier if you saw less of him; perhaps you could be in the bath when you know he's coming home and then go straight to your room? Do you have a tv there?

mojitomania · 29/02/2012 19:15

It certainly sounds like he's a huge bloody manipulator OP isn't he.

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