I need a talking to - will someone hold my hand

[justsofuckingsad]

I'm a fucking idiot - I will probably get a well-deserved flaming for this but I need to talk.

My marriage isn't happy - my husband adores me completely but is controlling & angry much of the time (although he recognises this & tries very hard to change) - I don't know if I love him any more.

We have two DCs - I have been a SAHM for six years & feel completely diminished, I don't know who I am any more really.

I recently embroiled myself in a horrible, heady & intoxicating emotional relationship with one of his friends (nothing physical - but I think that's irrelevant really) & have just put a stop to it, because it was never going anywhere, because it couldn't.

But I feel so, so fucking horrible & sad, I feel like my life had some colour & now it's reduced to grey with the walls closing in on me.

I feel squashed & beaten & small.

& very, very fucking sad.

But you know - he works away all week & never calls me - he waits for me to call him then castigates me for leaving it too long.

I stay because I know it would completely & utterly destroy him if I left

But yet, you are happy to stay & be completely & utterly destroyed? When is it your turn to be happy?

The last few lines of your opening post bought tears to my eyes, I don't often get that with posts on here. It's like I can feel your pain through your posts! (ok, but you know what I mean) :)

PLEASE start looking after you!

I've been away with work for a couple of days, but have been thinkingin of you, justso I'm glad Mum's story helped you a little.

izzyizin - thank you so much for the ! Have some yourself !

I'm sure my Mum is probably quaffing some too. It's a mutual vice.

I agree wholeheartedly with what everyone said up there about not using booze to self-medicate, though and I hope my comments don't come across as insensitive to that. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, using it as a duster.

I do hope you're ok, justso and also EvacuationWarden

Keep reading this thread and the others that have been linked to.

[cliche alert] life is not a dress rehearsal [/cliche over]

xxxx