Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

am i a skivvy or just nagging?

49 replies

icklmum · 27/01/2006 22:17

Ok dp and Ihave just had a huge row......well I got angry, shouted at him for an hour and he stropped about the house telling me to forget it and f**king leave him alone!

I have just had to take 2 days off work to stay at home with ds (has a runny bum). Yesterday i was up from about 4am with ds in and out of the toilet and the rest of the day was pretty much the same except that i had no choice but to go to town for some medicine for him.As a result today i have not had the motivation to do any housework and have just felt crap.have also been feeling down about other things at the mo regarding my job (am pg and in fear of losing job)
So Dp comes home and is in the door for less than 5 mins before he starts moning that the house is "a sh*t-pit"(our house is actually near on spotless),
To which i start yelling and trying to remind him that i am 20 weeks pg,working,caring for ds and yet doing everything because he doesnt.....and i do mean EVERYTHING!

I cook his tea every night including his days off,
i do his washing and ironing,
clean the house from top to bottom even though i
have to squeeze it in once a week on a saturday,
i clean up after His cats that HE wanted icluding a littertray i shouldnt be touching.
i do everything for ds get him up every morning,feed him,clothe him,bath him tend to him when hes sick.

he does nothing except get up 10mins before he leaves, goes to work comes home and sits infront of the telly all night!

so am i a skivvy or nagging?

OP posts:
Katemum · 27/01/2006 22:18

Sorry, skivvy.

colditz · 27/01/2006 22:19

You are a skivvy, how DARE he pass comment on the state of the house without doing anything about it!

hercules · 27/01/2006 22:19

err, why do you do it? I wouldnt be adding a grin to that if I were you.

colditz · 27/01/2006 22:20

And don't touch the litter tray, if it gets smelly, move yourself and you children to a relative's if poss until he has cleaned it out!

expatinscotland · 27/01/2006 22:20

You're a skivvy.

Sorry, I don't know how people put up w/that sort of behaviour from a partner. At all. Ever. Much less whilst pregnant and caring for another little one.

And it's not 'doing him a favour' or him 'helping out' when he does. It's just doing what a normal, decent human being does - his/her fair share w/regards to his/her own kids and self.

colditz · 27/01/2006 22:21

and i wouold have been shouting every single day, so not, I don't think you are nagging.

expatinscotland · 27/01/2006 22:22

Never bother shouting. Just leave. Or kick his lazy ass out. Sorry if that comes across as 'harsh'. Maybe it is. To me it's just courtesy and respect for yourself and your family.

hercules · 27/01/2006 22:22

you sound like his servant and you need to stop it.

cathcat · 27/01/2006 22:23

Time you left him with DS for a whole day here and there and you got some time to yourself. Maybe if he walked in your shoes he wouldn't be so quick to critcise. he needs a reality check and you need to help him get one before the new baby is here!

mazzystar · 27/01/2006 22:25

there's a lot of this about at the moment.

you will need a lot more support when baby 2 comes along. try to sort it out now. calmly.

housework and babycare tend to be invisible tasks. you need to make them visible.

tell him he has to pull his weight or give you £20 per week for a cleaner.

Original poster
icklmum · 27/01/2006 22:32

Yep youre all right i am ashamed that i am one of those women who get on with it for the sake of peace and quiet, i just think ive got pissed off now because iknow in 4 months time im gonna have a harder job ahead of me.

And yes ppl will say leave him, kick him out but for all his faults there i love him and care for him (sad excuse i know)

i would leave him with ds for theday cathcat but that in the past has not worked he will sit downstairs with ds upstairs left to his own devices.

I mean he does tidy on his day off but i mean he just tidies and doesnt CLEAN unless hes in n amazingly energetic mood. and he could do it every tues as ds is at schoolall day. am i just being harsh as he does work full time 9-5 5 days a week

OP posts:
Original poster
icklmum · 27/01/2006 22:33

oh by the way i 4got to add that my partime job is as a housekeeper in a care home!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 27/01/2006 22:40

am i just being harsh as he does work full time 9-5 5 days a week

Yeah, and? I work full time 9-5 5 days a week. I also work another job as a writer part time. That in no way exempts me from 1) cleaning the home I live in and the mess I helped create 2) looking after kids I brought into the world w/my husband, who stays home during the day to look after them and works evenings and weekends driving and valeting cars for a car hire company.

I don't see where working is an excuse to be an absolute layabout at home, honestly.

I have two kids - one newborn and one toddler, and I can tell you, the amount of work is incredible.

If DH weren't pulling his full weight - or I weren't - it'd be the end of us b/c this is a partnership. We're a family unit.

Original poster
icklmum · 27/01/2006 22:45

gosh expat you do have some work on your hands.
i know what you mean though i know i work hard for the family and i must sound like im such a mug.
But i do rant very often about this and it goes nowhere he extreemly good at the stroppy teenager thing and ignoring me.
so how do i make him itsten without breaking my family apart or is that not possble?

OP posts:
Original poster
icklmum · 27/01/2006 22:46

*listen sorry sp

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 27/01/2006 22:47

That's a tough one, ickle, b/c it sounds like you've tried all the traditional methods, including leaving your child w/him.

ShaysMummy · 27/01/2006 22:50

sounds just like me!! skivvy

WideWebWitch · 27/01/2006 22:55

skivvy, kick him into touch. Unless your half of the deal was supposed to be slavery.

Original poster
icklmum · 27/01/2006 22:55

i mean i dont mind being a sahm and housewife, but he would have to get a better paid job and provide for his family like he seems to think is his duty.
instead of taking me for granted and not repecting me as a person.

OP posts:
Original poster
icklmum · 27/01/2006 22:57

i think his mother is to blame....hes just exchanged her for me

OP posts:
ShaysMummy · 27/01/2006 22:58

ickl...thats exactly what i think about my dh.

elastamum · 27/01/2006 22:58

sorry but you are being treated like a skivvy. Time to change things is now before the kids grow up and start to expect you to wait on them too!

expatinscotland · 27/01/2006 22:58

I think you might benefit from counselling to figure out why you think this is acceptable to put up with. Truly, don't you think you deserve better than someone who treats you this way? What kind of example does this set for your kids?

If it floats your boat, fine. But if it did you wouldn't be on here starting threads about it.

Original poster
icklmum · 27/01/2006 23:00

thats ok then shaysmum im glad my theory may be right , mummy did too much for too long his dads a bit of a lazy git too must be hereditry

OP posts:
Katemum · 27/01/2006 23:05

But that isn't what you want for your son is it? You need to get his backside into gear.