To everyone separating due to an affair.....

[LovelyLizzie]

whether it be your choice or theirs.

Lots of threads on this recently.

As some of you know, I spent 22 years with my husband through multiple difficulites including alcoholism (his) and depression and health issues (mine).
It seemed we were getting to the good part when he left for someone else. I felt like I had been shot in the chest. Who knew that emotional pain actually hurts physically? It brought new meaning to the term "heartache".

I am posting this because I want anyone going through the "I can't eat or sleep, I can barely breathe" phase to know that it does get better.

It is coming up to two years for me now. My life is not perfect. It takes time.

I have dated, it hasn't worked out as yet but I am mostly over my fear that no one will find me attractive again.

I am starting to make new friends and I am mostly over my fear that I am not worth knowing.

I get up in the morning and my heart doesn't hurt any more. Physically or emotionally.

The best news I have to share is that my beautiful children got over it a lot faster than me and seem to have been largely unharmed by this. Probably they are a lot healthier than if we had stayed together.

There is a life out there. It takes time. Walking towards it is like walking through treacle, or deep dark water.

I see the light at the end of tunnel now, and it isn't a train coming the other way :)

I am noticing beauty and laughing again. So will you.

My heart is with anyone going though this.

Lizzie

I'm glad you're doing better, Lizzie - keep on keeping on.

I'm glad too

Harsh fatlittlepiggy, if you've got nothing positive to say just read and run. Nobody makes you read these posts or pass comment and when it's hurtful for the sake of it's just unnecessary.

Nice fatlittlepig. Nice.

Thanks for sharing Lizzie

Has fatlittlepig got a problem?

it does get better and it helps for people to read personal experiences. I bet you've just had one of those moments of saying to yourself 'hey, I'm actually ok after all that' and I suspect that's the reason you shared your story. Well done lizzie and stay strong :)

and you be as self indulgent as you like, public forum and all that...

Perhaps lizzie hit a nerve with fatlittlepiggy?!

Can I ask how you did it Lizzie & how old you are? It's coming up on 6 years for my mum (married to my dad for 30 years when she found out he'd been cheating so kicked him out) & although she is a million times better, she's still not in a great place.

Both my siblings & I were already grown with our own families so it seems like she didn't have a purpose (in her mind) & has struggled to find it still.

Id very much love for their to be light at the end of her tunnel but feel that muddling along with it might be the best we can hope for.

Very happy for you though as although it was my dad, not DH, I do have an appreciation of the devastation.

Lizzie - wonderful post. So glad that life is brighter. Fatlittlepiggy - pork off.

Hi all,
I genuinely posted this hoping to help others that are going through the early pain. Now I've read it back it does sound a bit self indulgent. Sorry.

Tooblunt, I am 46.

Thanks Lizzie. My situation's nowhere near as tricky as yours but I still hit bumpy moments and it's nice to hear positive stories of moving on. I'm glad you posted it, it helps me and others I'm certain.

My mum had just turned 50 when it all happened & now she's closer to 60 & life just seems to be passing her by. She's amazing & lovely & id give anything for her to feel like you, so if you do have any advice in that regard I'd appreciate it.

Really so pleased for you and I don't think it's self indulgent at all to let others know there is light. I've tried encouraging my mum to read mumsnet & hopefully if she ever comes on here, seeing your post or ones like it might help.

Thanks Lizzie, I am 3 weeks into my nightmare and I really needed to read this.

Good luck with the dating, I can't imagine or think that far yet.

Can we help you fatlittlepiggy?

Nothing to apologise for lizzie. Seems fatlittlepiggy is in the minority on this thread.

Great post. Not self indulgent, inspirational. Thank you. x

The trolling for sympathy comment is really unkind fatlittlepiggy.
I sometimes post on here desperate for some replies when I am feeling particularly low. Even if she were doing it for that reason, it shouldn't be seen as trolling.

I'm less than two months from d-day and I am happier than.i was the whole of last year.. last year i suspected the affair and felt dread and uncertainty .. now access and finances as sorted for the short term I've rejoined the gym (i used to be a gym addict) and am.loving being back ...don't need to pussyfoot round a grumpy bastard all the time. my friends have been brilliant too . . :)

I've reported the comment fatlittlepiggy. Unkind. And no need for it. IMO

This thread is not indulgent at all.

Fatlittlepiggy, I wouldn't like to live inside your head.

Tooblunt, I don't know your mum's situation exactly but the best advice I can give is for her to force herself to do social things she don't want to. I sat in a chair for six months other than looking after the kids. God, it is so hard and I feel for her.
Liars wife, glad you are OK. You give me hope :)

What, you are reporting me for having an opinion? There are so many offensive things on mumsnet and I pull someone up for being a bit "me me me" and I'm reported?
I don't thing what I said was offensive in anyway. It was meant to be helpful.