To everyone separating due to an affair.....

[LovelyLizzie]

whether it be your choice or theirs.

Lots of threads on this recently.

As some of you know, I spent 22 years with my husband through multiple difficulites including alcoholism (his) and depression and health issues (mine).
It seemed we were getting to the good part when he left for someone else. I felt like I had been shot in the chest. Who knew that emotional pain actually hurts physically? It brought new meaning to the term "heartache".

I am posting this because I want anyone going through the "I can't eat or sleep, I can barely breathe" phase to know that it does get better.

It is coming up to two years for me now. My life is not perfect. It takes time.

I have dated, it hasn't worked out as yet but I am mostly over my fear that no one will find me attractive again.

I am starting to make new friends and I am mostly over my fear that I am not worth knowing.

I get up in the morning and my heart doesn't hurt any more. Physically or emotionally.

The best news I have to share is that my beautiful children got over it a lot faster than me and seem to have been largely unharmed by this. Probably they are a lot healthier than if we had stayed together.

There is a life out there. It takes time. Walking towards it is like walking through treacle, or deep dark water.

I see the light at the end of tunnel now, and it isn't a train coming the other way :)

I am noticing beauty and laughing again. So will you.

My heart is with anyone going though this.

Lizzie

you know why i reported you. your opinion is fine but what you're suggesting doesn't sit right with me.

that's just my opinion :)

And what did I "suggest" exactly?

Oh yes very helpful fat!!! Basically you said OP was boring and in which case no-one wanted to hear her "shite"?! When in fact it seems to have gained a positive response from others....so IMO you should just have said nothing at all in this situation.

Some things are hard don't get me wrong.. on Saturday I am supposed to be going to a 40th birthday but it's all couples going so i've opted to skip the party and go away for the night with the girls instead .. it would just have been too depressing

Liarswife I get you, I am trying to do things on my own now. I recently joined a group that supports the arts locally and on thursday we are going to a jazz club. I need to meet people that didn't know my ex, are you the same?

I think this is a lovely thread - somewhere we can point women who post when they are in shock and can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I remember that feeling very, very well, and I only wasted spent 10 years on my hopeless drunk workshy cockmeister ex husband. Thanks LL.

Of course there is some attention-seeking going on, but some people just aren't very good socially and allowances should be made for inappropriate attempts to join in...clearly she doesn't know that calling other people's thoughts and feelings 'shite' might be hurtful or offensive.

Lizzie I am lucky.. i have lots of really great friends from different stages of my life .. I am not interested in.meeting anyone new just now .. however I am meeting up with a friend i haven't seen for 10 years but have kept in touch with intermittently in 2 weeks. Can't wait to see her!! x

Yes it is a wonderful thread - some hope in the dark place a lot of us are in. Joining things is the key, as is finding a passion. It is deeply ironic that since my OH left in July, I have thrown myself into my work and had enormous success. But no matter how much I achieve, I see couples and happy families everywhere. Of course part of it is perception and sadness - but being with people who only know me as me now, not as part of a couple, is quite refreshing.

Good luck to all you lovely women. I am always very sad when I read the pain that is demonstrated in this section. I can now fully understand the depth of it and Lizzie's post - far from being self-indulgent, is gloriously uplifting.

Thank you punkatheart. Great name BTW!
I too hope it gets better for all of us. It will. IT WILL.

It's at times like this that I wish I could 'like' posts.
Keep going fellow sufferers, we will emerge from this stronger and better people.

Great post LovelyLizzie.

I am nearly 9 years on now & all the hurt & pain really does feel like a very distant memory - to be honest, I sometimes can't remember how awful it was.

I'm a happier, stronger person too. Sounds desperately cheesy, but I've found out how to be happy inside myself - rather than hoping someone else will make me happy.

Keep strong, any of you who are feeling very raw & down at the moment - it really will get better.

Now I've read it back it does sound a bit self indulgent. Sorry.

Lovely, don't you dare think this. Your post will help others that are just at the start of their journeys. It will also help others that maybe need to get out of a bad relationship. You've done amazingly well and you just carry on walking forward. Oh, and be happy!

dont think its self indulgent at all!
I think its very kind of you to offer hope to people struggling with their situation. I am not currently in this situation, but i am still grateful to know that even after that many years with someone, you can still be happy again! Thankyou lizzie, i wish you happiness

Me too, Puds.

It is an incredibly helpful thread and I hope it keeps going so that those in dark places can have a little read and be inspired to keep on going.

great thread OP

I'm about 4 years on now and am well and truly seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and enjoying life. To quote Churchill, 'if you're going through hell,
keep going'

I've found out how to be happy inside myself - rather than hoping someone else will make me happy.

The absolute key, Bugsy! Slowly working that one out and even slowerly getting there m'self.

Thanks everyone. I'm glad people are finding my post positive.
As many people have pointed out, the key is to be happy by yourself. Lordy. How hard is that when you are in emotional agony? Especially when you have had your self esteem dented by some wankstain who has run off with a younger and less saggy model your ex husband. I think baby steps are key.
As I said it gets better. SLOWLY. And I still believe in miracles :)

A lovely and timely post. So many heartbreaking threads at the moment, this would have definitely helped me when I was going through similar a couple of years back. Thanks for posting it.

Thanks LovelyLizzie for your thread. I'm weeks into this and I can so identify with the HeartBreak being real and physical :-( so its great to hear that it will get better. Although I know at the moment it takes my all just to get out of bed and face the world in the morning :-( I wouldnt wish this pain on my worst enemy.
Bless you all of you other loving wives and mothers who are going through this kind of hell at the moment too
and as for the shits of husbands and fathers ROT IN HELL

Thank you Lizzie for starting this thread. It is something that I really need to hear right now. Going to see a lawyer on Friday morning. Can't believe it's come to this, so to be reminded that things will get better is so very welcome.