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Relationships

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Original poster

Sex frequency

46 replies

kittenwarrior · 20/02/2012 22:14

I know there is no 'normal' when it comes to how often you have sex but I'm curious about what the average appears to be.

In 2012 we have so far done it once!! It's nearly blinkin' March!!!

My and my OT are having relationship probs but even when things were good it was an issue for me (and probably for him too).
The other issue is that I always initiate it and my OT only really likes 'making love'. No oral sex on the motorway (sorry but I did that with my ex and he thought I was amazing!!). Always very safe and nice. Sometimes mindblowing but getting more rare.

Any thoughts?!

OP posts:

EirikurNoromaour · 20/02/2012 22:19

What is an OT? And what do you mean by oral sex on the motorway? Surely not literally?

We do it anywhere between 2 and 5 times a week depending on where I am on my cycle.

Original poster

kittenwarrior · 20/02/2012 22:22

Sorry I meant OH.
and errrm yes I meant literally. Crawling in traffic at night.

However that was all a long time ago and probably wouldn't appear in the Highway Code.

Blimey 2 - 5 times a week.

OP posts:

Snakeonaplane · 20/02/2012 22:23

It's not really about what others are doing it's about what you are happy with. I would think there was something up if we hadn't had sex for over a week but that's just us.
Have you discussed it with him?

FunnysInTheGarden · 20/02/2012 22:24

well, for me and DH it is prob once every 3 weeks. 2 small DC and 2 FT jobs put paid to much more. 5 times a week? Fcuking hell

Original poster

kittenwarrior · 20/02/2012 22:34

Hi Snake - yes you're right I suppose. It's just if lots of marriages end up falling into habits similar to ours then I might feel more reassured.

We talk about it quite a lot but although I like the idea of wild sex I can get so prissy when I talk about it. Feel really silly.

He is 45+ and erections can be a bit hit and miss. I take this personally (which is ridiculous) and get self-conscious. He is very open but I think he is also conscious about things.

Oh how rubbish I am sometimes.

OP posts:

DivineInspiration · 20/02/2012 22:44

DP and I have sex at least once a day; often twice; sometimes three times at weekends. Because sex is important to both of us, is one of the things which cements our relationship, and makes us feel close to each other. We make a lot of time for it. No DC, though, which probably makes a big difference in the frequency couples have sex.

DP and I also talk about sex a lot and are very open with each other. Is your OH embarrassed when it comes to discussing what you'd like to do? Have you brought up that you'd like to do more than 'make love'? If the sex is sometimes mindblowing, what it is about these particular occasions that makes it so? Can you recreate that every time? I think the key to having good sex is being very open and treating it like any other 'problem' you would in your relationship, by discussing it together and making sure you're both in the same frame of mind about it.

Writergirl · 21/02/2012 11:16

Two pennyworth - in the same boat in terms of frequency, been about twice this year so far, due to 3 x DC and 2 X FT jobs and other issues, in my recent post!

However, when it happens its pretty great, and the full 'shebang' - naughty gear, over the dinner table, etc etc. I'd like a bit more 'making love' (candles + barry white) rather than dressing like a hooker for thrills... which I don't always mind.

HillyWallaby · 21/02/2012 11:20

I want to know how long you '2-5 times a week' and 'at leaast once a day' people have been together.

HillyWallaby · 21/02/2012 11:21

at candles and Barry White.

argghh · 21/02/2012 12:15

Have been with my DP 9 years. Varies hugely depending on his shift working. For example last week 3 days running (only once each time as we are getting on a bit), but nothing since Saturday as he is now on nights.

Seona1973 · 21/02/2012 12:23

we normally have sex once a week or once a fortnight. Been together for nearly 19 years and have 2 kids. We did it a lot more when we were younger (students!) and child free!

Mackrelmint · 21/02/2012 12:34

um, we managed about twice between DD being born and DC2 being conceived. I am currently 7 months pregnant - so that's twice in about... 18 months! It doesn't bother me too much as it still feels like a temporary thing due to small children and pregnancy, but I am worried about how difficult we will find it getting back into the swing of things after baby is born.

This might be of interest - www.moresexdaily.com/ - ("More Sex Daily is a free resource which aims to help couples sustain sex in long-term relationships. It hosts a wealth of news, research and advice from guest experts and is the vehicle for a major new survey into sexual frequency.") - haven't read much so not sure how useful the articles are, but once they post the survey results might at least give a bit of a wider view on what's 'normal'...

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 21/02/2012 12:37

We've done it twice this year. Lovely relationship and no angst about it on either side, just an overcrowded, thin-walled house and teens who keep very odd hours. DP is going to Moscow on business for 3 months soon and we are racking our brains thinking about how to get an opportunity before he goes away.

The way we look at it is we're in it for the long haul - the DC will be pushed out of flying the nest before long and we'll be free to shag to our hearts' content. We've been together 13 years.

I think your OH should see the GP about his erectile problems. There are a few medical problems that can cause it.

EirikurNoromaour · 21/02/2012 12:39

Together 6.5 married 5 1 dc. We both like sex and can have a satisfying shag in about 15 minutes. Helps me sleep :)

Yoghurty · 21/02/2012 16:03

Wow, 2-5 times a week?!

We are a fortnightly/3 weeks/sometimes more couple. Been together 6 years- luckily have very similar libidos!

We talk openly about our sex life and both agree we can be a bit rubbish about making regular time for sex and we'd like to make it more frequent but, well, like others have said, life gets in the way.

We know if we've gone too long without when we start snapping at each other- a good session resettles us!

yellowraincoat · 21/02/2012 16:09

We do it twice a week probably but they are long sessions - 15 minutes has never done with for either of us.

hisgentletouch · 21/02/2012 16:11

oh God, Plenty, 3 months in Moscow! don't let him go there sex-starved, it's a vile place in this regard, with sex available on every corner to foreign businessmen (or anyone wealthy), most casinos and night clubs have strippers as a matter of course and that's were business people take foreign guests after work.

yellowraincoat · 21/02/2012 16:15

Why, hisgentletouch, do you think if she hasn't performed her wifely duties her husband won't be able to control himself?

By the way, the dark ages called, they said you're to return there immediately.

hisgentletouch · 21/02/2012 16:19

I know what happens in Moscow to men who are normal and decent at home (the place is srewed up!), it's not just paid-for sex, it's the whole easy attitude to it from possible colleagues. As for 'duties' - that wouldn't guarantee anything either, so it wasn't too serious about letting him out sex starved.

hisgentletouch · 21/02/2012 16:21

what i really meant, she'd be best going with her H!

yellowraincoat · 21/02/2012 16:23

Yes, she probably just shouldn't let him out of the house actually.

FedUpOfTheBunfightsSeaCow · 21/02/2012 16:31

yellow how long is a session?

yellowraincoat · 21/02/2012 16:36

At least 2 hours. Sometimes more. I used to be really worried that we hardly ever had sex til I realised we were just doing it all in one go.

overmydeadbody · 21/02/2012 16:45

Am at hisgentletouch.

For goodness sake.

sasslejaney84 · 21/02/2012 16:48

Me and my OH have it rather infrequently for my liking!! Although currently PG so actually couldn't give two hoots!!

Before I was PG we were having it. 1 to 3 times a week, I have quite a high sex drive but his is quite low so it was a compromise!! We talk about anything, I can be quite prudish so sometimes it would be quite a lot of gesturing from me and him just coming out with it!! I am getting better though now!

I think you probably need to talk to your OH and maybe try a night of aphrodisiacs or something, make it fun!!

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