Would/Could you forgive an affair?

[ToxicToria]

After having a conversation with some colleagues I am wondering what everyone else opinions are?

Have you ever forgiven an affair? How did you move on?

Are there any situations where an affair is acceptable? Or could you ever turn a blind eye if your DH was cheating?

I don't think I could. I like to think if my DP did that I'd be off like a shot but I guess you don't know how you'd react unless it happens. Drunken or not, I couldn't go there afterwards!

Never acceptable imo but I have forgiven. not sure I will ever forget though.

I'd forgive (eventually), but it would spell the end of the relationship as I would never feel able to trust that partner on that level ever again.

I remember being adamant once years ago, having just got engaged, that i would never be able to forgive an affair ever. It was very black and white with me.

But now years on i'm not so sure.
There are so many different situations to take into account.
If it was an unplanned one off drunken fling i would possibly forgive and try to move on.
If it had been going on for ages, with secret meetings and all the acompanning deviousness, lies and coverups i know i'd rather be on my own.
I don't think i could be happy with someone i couldn't trust every time he walked out the door. Been there done that bought the T Shirt - and i didn't have kids then. I wouldn't tolerate that level of misery again!

No, for me it wasn't just the infidelity, it was also all the lies and deceit. Having said that a friend of mine's dh has been having an on/off affair for several years, she's chosen to "forgive" because she doesn't want her lifestyle to change

I kind of forgave exdp for a drunk shag in the pub car park (he told
me the next day) I didn't forgive him for the affair he then had 5 yrs later which started when ds2 was a baby and apparently continued for several years. I wish I had left him after the first time. I wanted to, but i was persuaded by friends he was drunk and he had owned up straight away so I should forgive him. Can't believe I wasted 13 years on the tosser!!!

No.

Thanks for the answers

I did, a few times but he kept doing it. Numerous one night stands, affair when I was pregnant. When we split he said it was because I couldn't let go of the past so he felt hopeless and so didn't see the point in being faithful. I couldn't let go of the past because there was always something new to have to let go of.

Definitely not, it would be a total deal breaker for me. Not the sex (I could possibly forgive a stupid one off, although don't think I would), it would be the emotional betrayal and deceit I could never forgive that.

That's awful akaemmafrost I can see that some might take it that they have been forgiven once and would be again

I agree that is not all black and white bringbacksideburns

I guess you never really know what you would so until you are in the situation, but I can see that a few people have forgiven and lived to regret it

Funny this question be asked today as I was discussing the subject with my sister earlier. I personally (and thankfully) have never had to deal with this situation, however, I know, categorically, that I would make mine and my partners life unbearable, and that the relationship would flounder.

No, it isn't always black and white, but I know me, and I could never ever trust that person again. I admire people who can, I just know I couldn't...

I previously thought absolutely no way. Thought I'd be of the cutting up his clothes and throw them out of the window persuasion. But life doesn't always turn out how you expect, and your emotions do what they feel like in my experience.

Moving on was very difficult, but then recovering after a betrayal is very difficult regardless as to whether you break up, soldier on, or make things work again.

I don't think that an affair is ever acceptable, although in some situations it might be easier to understand than others.

Many people who find their partners have been cheating have a period of turning a blind eye/not believing it's happened/being fobbed off before things get out into the open. Often this is the nastiest part of the whole thing.

dh and I separated about a year after his affair was exposed, after two years apart we've now been together again for four years. I have no regrets about my choices, the bad years are in the past, we've learned a lot and although it was truly a horrible time it now feels like a blip in the 20 odd years we've been together. I do think that everyone's circumstances are somewhat unique though.

I wouldn't go there after no. Exh did it and that was the marriage over. 2 dc's losing their loving home because he couldn't keep it in his trousers.

Well, the dc's still had a loving home but not with him in it. To me, he did it to them as well.

If that makes sense.

Forgive after really working through it or turn a blind eye/pretend it didn't happen and sweep the whole thing under the carpet? I have done the former (probably wouldn't again) and there are people who are able to do it successfully with a lot of hard work, but I couldn't do the latter. There are plenty of wives (and husbands) who do that though. I know of one such situation and it's terribly sad and depressing for everyone concerned. I couldn't live life like that, but actually people who can just pretend it didn't happen or it's not happening are living pretty broken existences to begin with.

I could never forgive an affair. I know myself well enough to know that even if we didn't split straight away we would eventually because I'd just throw it in his face in every argument. I'd also completely lose respect for him and that's an important foundation in a relationship.

I forgave a drunken fuck, before we were married, and I wish I hadn't.

I think I could forgive, but I know I would never forget and that alone would mean I would have to end the relationship for the sake of my own sanity.

No - too many lies and a lot of deceit went on! Broke my heart when I eventually found out!

It definitely isn't black and white! And everyone and everyone's relationships are different. Until you have lived through it, you'll never know. For those of you sitting in the bliss of a faithful partner, I wouldn't wish my recent experiences on anyone.

I am in the process of forgiving and rebuilding (7 months on). It all just depends on you, your situation and how remorseful your partner is. It was my anniversary the other week and I couldn't bring myself to buy a card with husband on, same at Christmas. He's not yet my darling husband, but working hard to get there.

Black and white just doesn't exist!