Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I WANT TO PROPOSE TO HIM! HAS ANYONE DOES THIS?

44 replies

AppleDay · 17/02/2012 15:59

I've been with my boyfriend for three years now, and we're trying for a baby (long story). Obviously it's leap year on February 29th and I'd really like to propose to him. Then again, I'm not sure - how will that make him feel? How will it make me feel? If I'm honest, I'd prefer him to propose to me (how can I admit that and call myself a feminist!)... So anyway, I'd love to hear if anyone else has done this - how did you propose to him and what did he say?? Or if anyone's planning to, and wants to share the nerves with me! Thanks so much xx

OP posts:
Punkatheart · 17/02/2012 17:22

I can honestly say that I have never proposed to your boyfriend. Or my own in the past.

But good luck!

JambalayaCodfishPie · 17/02/2012 17:24

Grin at punk - brilliant. Grin

If it's what you feel, OP, go for it! Smile

Imnotaslimjim · 17/02/2012 17:30

I did, but not in a leap year. Wasn't even very romantic!! We'd been together only a few weeks, but I just knew. So while we were discussing the future, and the possibilty of DC and everything I said "well I want to be married first so I suppose we'd better get a move on!" we married 10 months later and celebrate our 10 year anniversary this year

Good luck, if its what you want then just go for it

maleview70 · 17/02/2012 18:30

If he was ready would he not have asked you?

I wouldn't like it to be honest

HeidiHole · 17/02/2012 18:33

I haven't, and in a conversation in passing my DH said he wouldn't have accepted if i'd asked as it's make him feel less masculine (or something)

We are married. He proposed.

Depends on the guy. My DH is traditional and I can certainly see that he wouldn't have liked it if I proposed! You know your DP tho!

marmiteandjam · 17/02/2012 18:33

I wouldn't do it if I was you. I agree with what maleview said.

belindarose · 17/02/2012 18:33

I did, six years ago. I said something really unromantic along the lines of 'so, shall we get married then?' and he said 'yeah, s'pose we might as well'. We got married four months later. I would probably have preferred him to ask, but he might never have got round to it, being happily secure in what we had then anyway.

Molasses · 17/02/2012 19:00

Maleview70: sexist much? Men often complain that women don't ask them out enough, but proposing is a step too far?

I'd do it OP. If he doesn't like it because it unmans him or some such crock, at least you know he doesn't share your feminist leanings.

Hopefully he'll love it because he wants to marry you and isn't living in 1954. Good luck!

motherinferior · 17/02/2012 19:03

If you want to get married, ask him.

As long as you don't think that if he doesn't want to get married this is a sign of Something Terribly Wrong and get all upset and feel you have to leave him. He may be frightfully keen on getting married. Or he may be frightfully keen on not getting married. Either way, if you're trying for a baby it's fair to assume he loves you and wants to stay with you.

SandStorm · 17/02/2012 19:07

I've done it. Over pizza and a bottle of house rose. In November.

Can't remember how the conversation started but it carried on like this:

Me: Well, I'm ready to get married now.
Him: What are you going to do about it then?
Me: Will you marry me?
Him: Okay.

We've been married for 16 years this year.

QuintessentialyHollow · 17/02/2012 19:09

If you dont know if you can propose to him, and you have no idea what he would reply, or think about it, what on earth are you trying to have a baby with him for! Confused

maleview70 · 17/02/2012 19:10

It's not sexist. Just saying I wouldn't like it. If my DW had asked me after 3 years I would have said no.

However you know your OH. If you want the romance of it all then I must say none of these proposals mentioned so far sound particularly romantic!

fabulousdarling · 17/02/2012 19:31

I can't understand why he is willing to deliberately try for a baby with you but dithering on the marriage front. I really think that if you have commitment issues you ought not to be TTC.

I was once told that if a man really really believes you are the one for him he will step forward and ask you rather than risk losing you. Having said that obviously it has worked for some people!

lidldarling · 17/02/2012 19:46

Why does it have to be a proposal? DP and I are getting married - I would have been food for worms before he got around to proposing so I just had a conversation with him when I explained why we should get married. Job done.

No need to provide material for an embarrassing anecdote to be trotted out for the next fifty years.

suburbophobe · 17/02/2012 19:49

Quite frankly, having feminist leanings myself, I wouldn't want to marry at all. Just seems you end up being the skivvy....

GnomeDePlume · 17/02/2012 19:53

We had been discussing my DB's wedding (huge) and were talking about what we thought would work better. We were washing up and I said something along the lines of to him 'Shall we get married and do it right?' DH said 'yes'.

We have now been married over 20 years.

Heswall · 17/02/2012 19:53

I wanted the "moment" of being asked, sorry I think you are doing yourself out of one of the nice bits by asking him.

Gumby · 17/02/2012 19:54

I proposed to dh several times when drunk and he said no
It was quite mortifying
But he wanted to do it in his own time
I basically told him I wanted to get married & have kids in that order and I told him a time that if he hadn't proposed it'd be over
He proposed the next valentines day I think it was
Men canbe thick and need to be poked to get a move on sometimes
I know several late 30s friends with long term partners still waiting for a proposal & babies

MissMogwi · 17/02/2012 19:55

Ask him. What if never asks you because he's not sure what you'll say or he's a mardarse or whatever?

Try and get on Daybreak or This Morning, they also show some live proposals when it's a leap year. No one ever says no on live t.v! Job done!

ImperialBlether · 17/02/2012 19:57

One thing I don't understand is why you're trying for a baby when you haven't had the level of commitment from him that you clearly want.

Oh and no, I wouldn't ask.

ReduceRecycleRegift · 17/02/2012 20:00

Just jumping in to say that I think Sandsorms proposal is incredibly sweet and romantic Grin, and I'm not often gooey about proposal stories, they're usually too cheesy for my liking

Chateauneuf · 17/02/2012 20:04

If you don't ask, you don't get.

I got. Wink

Agree though that having babies with someone is a bigger commitment than marriage. Marriage didn't really change anything. Babies did!!

ColourMePurple · 17/02/2012 20:10

Feminist or not, it is still nice to feel desired.

ColourMePurple · 17/02/2012 20:14

Talk about getting married first, see how he responds... Maybe he is already working his way up to asking you.

Screw the Feb 29th Stigma, I think its pretty pathetic that there is an allocated day for women to do such things. There are 365/6 days in a year and the rest of your life.

originalfabpoppingback · 17/02/2012 20:26

I proposed to my boyfriend twice.

He said no the first time. We had only been together 6 weeks.

He said no the second time. We had only been together a few months.

We have been married for 12 years now and are very happy Grin.

As he said no he had to give me a quid and buy me a dress.

He said no because we hadn't been together very long and he is old fashioned enough to want to do the asking.