come and help me out, are you one of those people who just KNOWS what attracts you to others...

[timetoask]

Not sure where to put this question. I am supposed to ask people in RL this question, but too embarrassed, so I thought I'd ask you all!

Can you name 5 traits/characteristics that you feel are the most valuable in other people (those you would make an effort to befriend), and 5 traits you find in people that you tend to ignore and would never consider forming a friendship with. All honest opinions welcome and much needed.

I am drawn to people who are open and offer something of themselves. How they feel, basically someone who will let you in! I think that this is an indication of warmth in a person.

People who ask questions about me, who are proactive in a conversation. i want a friend who is not hard work.

Friends: kind, fun, bright (not necessarily intelligent but sparky), interesting and calm.

Ignore: low energy, gossipy, dramatic.

Gosh it looks really cold written down like that, but I do gravitate towards the former and avoid the latter. Not to say that I'd dump someone with problems, but the type on first meeting overshares problems in a woe is me rather than this makes life tough, I avoid.

Can I snaffle your list MyName cos I can`t improve on it

If I added nice norks would that out me as a typical shallow male ??

Friends: respectful, interested, open-minded, intelligence, caring.

Ignore: negative, mean in mind, mean with money, disrespectful, bigoted.

these are very interesting, thank you, please keep them coming....

Friends: secure in their own sense of self-worth, kind, intellectual, funny

Ignore: needy, clingy, nasty, angry, rigid thinkers

bad traits: Confrontational about small things that don't matter. Liar. Bitch. Stressed.

Good traits: Funny. Confrontational about big things that do matter. Relaxed. Confident (but not arrogant).

My pet hate is people who are insecure and so cut others down to make themselves look better. I take special pleasure in asking them very awkward open questions in public after they do it.

Traits I value: honesty, open-mindedness, enquiring, gsoh, loving
Traits I steer clear of: energy vampirism, rudeness, negativity, cruelty, closed-mindedness

"intellectual", really?

Intelligence seems to be high on the list, I am wondering what everyone's definition of "intelligence" is. Thanks and keep them coming, this is really useful.

Is Intelligence maybe just another word for worldliness or having a range of general knowledge or being interested in a lot of things ??

Friend: Honesty, humour, trustworthy, fun, kind

Ignore: Arrogance, selfishness, self-involved, close-mindedness, bad manners

I did mean intellectual, yes, OP. It's a trait I am attracted to in others, and which I also value in myself. Makes me happy to see texts by ancient Greek philosophers on my new boss's bookshelf, for example. I find intellectual conversations enjoyable. YMMV.

I like intelligence too. But in this particular list I was thinking of intellect.

Friend: fun, kindness, interesting and interested in stuff, listener, humour.

Ignore: self absorbed, boring, moaning, closed minded, ignorance.

Interesting HotDAMNlifeisgood.

"Fun"/"funny" also seems to be high on the list. Thanks again, and if you can, please keep posting your lists....

Someone who seems genuinely interested in me & mine, who has a similar sense of humour, a glass half-full person, ideally with interests in common and that I can trust not to blab about or bad-mouth me. Someone I can pick up with perhaps after even quite long periods.

I don't like huggy people, people who are too full-on too quickly, who are too emotionally demanding (I don't mind putting myself out for a friend or listening to their problems, but it's nice if they take a breath to ask me how I am occasionally ), or who seem bored by my company (ie. texting a lot while we're supposedly having a conversation ).

What are you going to do with these lists?!

I like the 'fun end' of a table. I hate it if I'm stuck at the business end. I don't want to talk about work or money. I don't mind politics and religion as long as it's a discussion and not an argument (I'm not very tactful so I need to have friends who can put forward their opinions and then put it behind them if we disagree, rather than silently holding a grudge) I like it when people have something to say, and hate it when I meet a 'people pleaser' with no firm opinions.

I like smiley people, and don't like listening to people bitch, even if I don't know the subject of the goss.

I used to be clever, but my brain has rotted through lack of use, so I would be totally outclassed in intellectual conversation these days :)

Like:
Someone who I am able to debate with - who can push my boundaries and thoughts in a respectful and intelligent way.

Someone with motivation and has when needed self determination
Someone who has a good sense of themselves and is happy with who they are
Someone who is fun and funny
Someone who is interesting and interested

Dislike: Perpetual lateness, ignorance, Liars, too needy, arrogance & someone with a sense of entitlement (the world owes them something

I cheated there a little didn't I ....oh and dislike cheats lol

Friend- glass half full/gives me my own space/a person I can not speak to for months and yet the minute I do it's like no time has passed

Ignore-glass half empty whiners/moaners/enjoy being ill/gloom and doom merchants/people who think that because they have become a parent all we should talk abut are our children/people that watch crap like Eastenders and OBEM and then spend the next week updating their FB about it

I like people who are chatty and can poke fun at themselves but don't mock others. A bit of intelligence is important, in the sense that you can have an interesting conversation about somewhat complicated things without their face going blank. I also like someone who will reveal a bit about themselves without getting defensive or "poor me" - someone who will discuss important emotional issues without grandstanding or expecting you to solve their problems for them. I like a bit of confidence without being "in your face" and the ability to listen without constantly interrupting is very very important. I know that seems very specific, but the vast majority of my friends are like that and they are great!

Dislikes are: loudness; constant reference to personal problems, especially as an excuse for behaving like a shit; snobbery; racism/sexism (naturally); tendency to gossip about/poke fun at others; immaturity; inability to listen.

Oh and I like a friend to whom you can say "Right get lost, I'm too tired to talk any more" and they'll say "Right ho, see you later" with a smile, and you don't have to worry about hurting their feelings. I hate hate hate someone with whom you have to watch every word and worry constantly about them getting upset or thinking you don't like them. Such hard work!

Great to see more responses! Brilliant.
Milankey: it has to do with my CBT sessions. We wanted to compare how similar or different my own expectations of what valuable friend means compares to the rest of the world.
Btw I also has "intelligence" in my original list, but I scrapped it because I have a lovely son with special needs and it felt like a betrayal somehow.
Thanks again.

Oops, sorry for spelling mistakes!

Friend: those who are genuinely interested in many different things, impartial, curious, self-critical and gentle

Ignore: those who are uninquisitive, bigoted, snobbish or habitually miserable. I also can't bear dilettantes who paint themselves as experts in every area. Be interested and interesting, but don't be self-important!