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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Do you mind your DPs 'fetishes'?

33 replies

BeBotheredorNot · 16/02/2012 20:36

Not quite sure if fetish is the right word really.

My DP likes to wear certain underwear at night. He first told me years ago and then it didn't bother me too much. It wasn't much of a turn on but it was harmless.

Now he has more of this underwear than he does of his 'normal' ones. Everytime I do the washing it pisses me off. I have commented that I think it is a bit too much but he doesn't reply. If I say I know he has bought more, he says he hasn't even when I know the stuff I have washed is new.

If your DP really enjoys something that is harmless but you don't exactly find it attractive, do you just put up with it?

OP posts:
LadyMedea · 16/02/2012 20:41

Tell him to wash it himself!

It sounds like a fairly harmless fetish, but it doesn't mean you have to participate if it's not your thing.

AdLibitum · 16/02/2012 20:44

I have to ask - what is it?

BeBotheredorNot · 16/02/2012 20:47

Nothing bad, just womens underwear. No other cross dressing at all. Not remotely inclined to try it, its just the underwear.

OP posts:
TrinityRhino · 16/02/2012 20:49

tell him to wash it himself?

are you jealous cause his underwear is nicer than yours? I'm sorry, low blow, ignore me Grin

Malificence · 16/02/2012 20:52

I think it's unacceptable for a person to do something that their partner finds unattractive or a turn off, I can't understand why they'd even want to do it if it wasn't a shared pleasure.

BeBotheredorNot · 16/02/2012 20:53

Ha ha Trinity yes some of it is! My comfy pants don't really compare. Wink

OP posts:
TrinityRhino · 16/02/2012 20:53
Smile
Sparks1 · 16/02/2012 20:54

Not remotely inclined to try it

So he just sniffs it? Grin

BeBotheredorNot · 16/02/2012 20:57

No! He wears it but no other womens clothes. He just prefers the feel of it.

OP posts:
solidgoldbrass · 16/02/2012 21:01

Is it extra hassle to wash, ie does it need hand washing in special laundry stuff? If so, tell him he can wash it himself.
Or is it a matter of him spending money on it that the household budget can't afford?
If it's neither of these things it does seem pretty harmless and, unless there are other issues with your H's behaviour, it would seem to me to be a bit selfish to insist he gives up a habit he enjoys.

NatashaBee · 16/02/2012 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

izzyizin · 16/02/2012 21:15

It seems to me that, along with other fashion trends, many styles ostensibly women's knickers are effectively unisex and I have a collection of boxer style shorts and other drawers that could double as male underwear.

Is there any reason why he wears women's undies only in the evening? Why doesn't he simply wear whatever underwear he wants all of the time?

If he's worried about an unplanned trip to hospital I suggest you reassure him that no-one will turn a pubic hair if he arrives wearing a little number from Agent Provocateur as medics have seen it all before, and then some.

minimathsmouse · 16/02/2012 21:21

Get him to wash his own knickers. DH has a thing about buttons. He sidles up and plays with the buttons on my shirt or cardigan and it's quite irritating at times. The other day he was sat in the kitchen with a shirt on his lap day dreaming. He says it's comforting Hmm but trust me if he pulls the buttons off he can bloody well sew them back on.

nizlopi · 16/02/2012 21:24

My husbands 'fetish' is awesome. I am a very lucky lady.

Tell yours to wash his own pants.

TrinityRhino · 16/02/2012 21:30

Tell all nizlopi GrinGrinGrinGrinGrin

mrscynical · 16/02/2012 21:31

Have you looked at the mens pants range at lovehoney recently. There are a few pairs of lacy tight boxers.

I quite like 'em!

tropamo · 16/02/2012 21:58

OP - Perhaps, if you are really bothered, you should dig a bit deeper! e.g. - does he go out on his own? Does he meet up with "friends" that you don't know? Is he always on the net? Do you have a good sex life? He's sneaking new undies into the house, isn't he? He's fobbing you off about their origin; I'd be quite suspicious!

SnapesMistress · 16/02/2012 22:05

Malificence, really? We are never allowed to do anything our partner does not also enjoy to an equal degree? Hmm

LadyMedea · 16/02/2012 22:13

malficence that seems harsh, it doesn't sound like he is forcing her to get involved... It's just a bit irritating, but im sure she has interests that he doesnt share. We can't be carbon copies of our DPs and it would be boring if we were.

He just needs to do his own washing...and agree to a knicker budget.

nizlopi · 16/02/2012 22:31

TrinityRhino His fetish is his partner having an orgasm. Thats it. He really gets off on it.

Like I said... Lucky lady ;)

joblot · 16/02/2012 22:44

Your partner having an orgasm is a fetish???? Surely that's just, er, sex?

nizlopi · 16/02/2012 22:46

Just trust me. Its a fetish. A fucking awesome one.

Sparks1 · 16/02/2012 22:47

Your partner having an orgasm is a fetish???? Surely that's just, er, sex?

If these boards are to be believed it's a niche market!

minimathsmouse · 16/02/2012 22:49

I think it should be mandatory, is in my relationship

HepHep · 16/02/2012 22:53

Grin at 'niche market'...