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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My valentines day present was being told he hates me.

44 replies

RedGurnard · 14/02/2012 20:00

My crime?

To wait around all afternoon for us to go food shopping while he studied and eventually he rushed us out 25 mins late and cutting it fine for his hobby this evening.

I needed to do my weekly shop as we have no food in the house. I rushed around as fast as possible and drove like a twat on the way home in my car. I have ptsd from a crash he had last year and he knows this.

I told him he couldnt drive my car to his hobby, he'd have to take his. mine is brand new and my pride and joy. He drive his into the house last week.

He hates me ans apparently Im just like his father.

OP posts:

Kormachameleon · 14/02/2012 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

RedGurnard · 14/02/2012 20:06

I'd love to but he has nowhere else to go.

Over the past few months (and today has confirmed it) I have found myself emotionally checking out of this relationship. It's just going to take a while to get out of it physically.

OP posts:

JaneMare · 14/02/2012 20:08

of course he has somewhere to go - he will tell you he hasn't so you'll let him treat you like shit

go on, get all his stuff together and tell him to fuck off

Hollyfoot · 14/02/2012 20:10

Him having nowhere else to go isnt your issue - you having a much better new future to go to is most definitely your issue.

BasilRathbone · 14/02/2012 20:13

It's not your problem that he has nowhere else to go.

It's his.

You're not responsible for him.

If a man is going to be a cocklodger, then he needs to be a polite one.

LadyMedea · 14/02/2012 20:21

Sorry is this your petulant 16 year old son or a grown man who is meant to be your partner?

pack his stuff and put it outside... where he has to go is not your problem.

Original poster

RedGurnard · 14/02/2012 20:21

God I fucking hate the man. I think he has visions of us marrying and spending the rest of our lives like his parents ( arguing all the time).

There's no fucking way my future involves him.

OP posts:

Original poster

RedGurnard · 14/02/2012 20:23

It does feel like he's my son- despite the 10 years he has on me. This morning I was plagued with cries of "where's my jumper?" which reminded me of my brother in his teens.

OP posts:

BasilRathbone · 14/02/2012 20:24

Do you have children with him?

MigratingCoconuts · 14/02/2012 20:25

bloody hell, how old is he...12???

The sooner he is gone, the better!

Original poster

RedGurnard · 14/02/2012 20:27

Basil- no thank god! Thats something that he wants too which I have said no freaking way to.

OP posts:

JaneMare · 14/02/2012 20:29

'where's my jumper?'

in the bag by the front door, your taxi is on it's way...

go on, practice saying it

hathorinareddress · 14/02/2012 20:31

Nope, Jane what she needs to do is book him a taxi.

To the far side of fuck.

One way.

I'll pay.

Seriously, OP, get rid of him - what he does from that point on is not your problem.

ButWhyIsTheGinGone · 14/02/2012 20:31

What's stopping you from getting him out straight away? Seriously?

"I want you to get out, take your things and not to contact me. If I choose to have a relationship in future it will not be with someone who treats me like a complete twat."

Life is too short.

BasilRathbone · 14/02/2012 20:31

Just tell him that you're just like his dad, in that you can't stand to have him in the house either, so please could he swing his hook.

Honestly, tell him you want him to leave. This evening. If he won't go, call the police and have him removed. He can go back to his dad who can bloody well put up with him - he brought him up, he can reap the rewards of his DS's personality.

veryworried29 · 14/02/2012 20:32

Well you are a very lucky woman RedG, honestly you are. You have no children with this specimen - so DUMP him. Easy peasy. Easier than splitting with someone you have children with x 1,000.

Taghain · 14/02/2012 20:34

If you're going to get rid of him, start being assertive on some small things.
Perhaps go shopping by yourself if he's delaying you, so you don't have to hang around, and don't have to drive fast.
Suggest that he'll have to miss his hobby evening if he pisses around.

I hope that he conributes to your joint lives.

Original poster

RedGurnard · 14/02/2012 20:34

Ha well the fucking funny thing is HE is just like his dad. His dad speaks to his mum like dirt but apparently his mum deserves it because she "winds his dad up".

It's not as simple as just throwing him out. Hes hundreds of miles away from friends and family and is a student so has no money for a hotel.

OP posts:

suburbophobe · 14/02/2012 20:35

Why are you with him exactly?

Sounds like he is seriously bad for your health! (PTSD).

Just tell him the cocklodging party is over. You'll thank yourself.

conspire · 14/02/2012 20:35

He can stay with his parents, stay with a friend (I imagine he has some from aforementioned hobby) or stay in a hotel until he finds somewhere more permanent. He really can, he is a grown up, he can sort himself out.

Original poster

RedGurnard · 14/02/2012 20:37

Taghain- I would have gone on my own but he insisted on coming! I also don' t see why I should have to have all the joy of going to the supermarket while he gets the food magically appearing in the cupboards!

OP posts:

conspire · 14/02/2012 20:38

X-posts, but its still not your problem. Loads of students are not cocklodging, its not the only option available.

Moobee · 14/02/2012 20:38

All of those things are his issues, not yours. If he wants them to be taken into consideration then he should be nicer! If you feel that would be too harsh, at the very least give him notice. I'd give him a week or month to find somewhere else. I did this with an ex who was particularly dependent and useless thinking he'd struggle, but he found someone else to leech off fairly quickly and he was fine.

YankNCock · 14/02/2012 20:39

He has a car, he can sleep in that. Or he can drive himself to a homeless shelter. Seriously, it's not your problem.

suburbophobe · 14/02/2012 20:39

It's not as simple as just throwing him out. Hes hundreds of miles away from friends and family and is a student so has no money for a hotel.

Are you his mother?

Really, his life and non-ability to get it organised is really not your problem.

You are just enabling him to keep this status quo.

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