Friend's reaction to new potential boyfriend

[amanda1]

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Good for you, I think it's really cool that you're willing to take risks etc and it sounds like this new guy is nice and making an effort etc. Myself, I find it hard to trust people so I admire that you're going for it. And who's to say that counselling can't happen while you're in a new relationship? It makes more sense to go through counselling as you live your life, not while you put your life on hold I reckon (ever seen Good Will Hunting?)
I got together with my current boyf 3 years ago only a few months after splitting from ex-boyf and I was still a bit screwed up I think but knew it was right, and came through it well and now have a really stable loving relationship with boyf.

appreciate that she cares about you, but trust your own judgement - it is your life not hers. If things go well - great, if not - you will cope and go on to better things.

is she single herself?
perhaps she's enjoyed time with you without the hassle of men and sees this as coming between your friendship

did your ex like her or stop you going out with girl friends?
maybe she's worried about this

I would say go for it - you sound as if you are being careful and anyway its only DINNER !!

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She is either over-protective of you or wants you to rely on her and not stand on your own two feet, IMO! Either way, whilst what she said was hurtful, I think she (probably) has your interests at heart. But I think you are doing the right thing Amanda. If you want to say anything to her I would say that you appreciate her concern but you are being careful and not getting caught up in the moment.

afraid it does sound a little like jealousy or more likely she's scared you're suddenly not going to have time for her

just cos she has family around doesnt mean she doesnt get lonely - I know

perhaps you just need to reassure he its only male company - we all miss that - and maybe jokingly suggest that he might have a nice friend

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Maybe what she said looked more harsh 'in print' than it was intended. At least if you're speaking face to face, you can see the emotion behind the statement (ie. caring vs. jealousy!)

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people dont like change - its scary

I would wait until you can talk face to face as fairyjay suggested, especially as you've had a 2nd email from her

Im sure it will sort itself out - and remember, no bloke is worth losing a friend over

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amanda1 - I think you are being sensible and taking things slowly. If your friend is acting out of concern and with your best interests at heart, then she will come round.

I have to disagree with you, MrsMiggins. A friend of mine was shocked that I was going out with x - she didn't think much of him at all.
I ended up not speaking to her for 3 years (we're friends now) and x has been dh for 15 years!

Avalon - I realised as I wrote it it was too general - I really meant no NEW bloke was worth losing a friend over

of course friends can be wrong about people

I was just trying to help Amanda1 see that maybe her friend was trying to look out for her

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quite right too
you're grown up enough to look after DD by yourself and you wont want to risk hurting her

I say enjoy his company and thank friend for her concern, and leave it at that

I take it she has actually met him?

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sounds wonderful !!
Im sure you'll have a lovely time

anyway people say wait 1 mth for every yr you were together so in your case your time is up !!

let us know how tonight went !

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Has she emailed you again, amanda?

oh dear Amanda1

dont talk to new guy about it - talk to us about it

your "friend" doesnt sound very friendly implying you need to get laid

feel for you - let us know how you are

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good for you
sounds fab and gives the rest of us hope that there are decent men out there

I think you're right not to respond or at least give her a few days
you could drop her a line and not mention it - talk about your dd or work or anything but that

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I know that it must make such a lovely change after everything you have been through to have a man treat you like a princess. I think your friend is just voicing words of caution. You have been through a hell of a lot, it might be wise to go for the counselling and spend a bit of time by yourself, re-adjusting and getting to know yourself again, without anyone else being around.

I'm not saying don't date this guy and have fun. But perhaps keeping it as a friendship at this stage is wise. If he cares for you, he will understand that after such a traumatic year you will need a bit of time and space. It's necessary to come to terms with what has happened. But when all is said and done, you know yourself best and only you can know if this feels right or not.

I am truly delighted for you that you have found someone who seems like a really nice person. But at the same time I cautiously sympathise with your friend. I don't think you will rush into this, but I do hope that you are spending enough time on your own too.

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