finding this situation horrendously difficult.

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I have a great relationship with DSS and have done since DH and I got together 11 years ago. He is now 18 and doing well at Uni, has a great social life, job, etc etc. He and DH get on great and often go running together and for a pint etc.

DSS came to see me today (I'm off work this week) and said that he has something he wanted to tell me, was a bit stressed and eventually told me that he's gay. I was mightily relieved because he seemed so worried about it I thought he was ill or something. I couldn't give a rat's ass if he's gay or not, I love him dearly and just want him to be happy.

Now here's the problem. He told me all this then told me that he absolutely could not contemplate telling his dad just now and asked (begged really) me to keep it to myself until he felt he could tell him. I told him that his dad won't care but he's convinced that DH will be horrified and 'disown' him. Incidentally his mum knows and all fine there too.

Now I'd be lying if I said that DH will be clapping his hands in delight but I can honestly say that I genuinely feel that he will be fine with it. I suppose he'll feel that he needs to get used to it but he's not the kind of man to freak out about something like this and above all, he loves his son. Of course, I feel bloody awful about knowing this and not telling DH but I really do not want to break DSS's trust (and I won't), but this is really, really bothering me. Plus, DSS is going to get himself in a right state worrying about it in the meantime.

How do I deal with this?

Nice one, LineRunner

I told my Mum I was gay because I needed her support in a really difficult time, but it was at a point where I was not comfortable with lots of other people knowing. So I told her on the understanding that she couldnt tell anybody, including others in my family (inc. my dad). I would have been absolutely livid if she had broken that trust. Coming to terms with being gay can be very, very, very hard and people need to do it in their own way, at their own pace, so that they feel comfortable. Although it is a really difficult situation to be put in, I would strongly recommend not breaking his trust. Encourage him to tell if you genuinely feel that the reception he gets will be supportive and appropraite, but don't pressure or provide ultimatums. My sister is my best friend in the world, but it took me 5 years to even tell her. It is his "secret" to tell.

Thank you all for your posts, they've really given me some new things to think about.

Have had a text from DSS this morning to say he's coming round again later so I will reassure him that of course I won't say anything to DH until he's ready. I would never betray his trust and I want him to feel confident about that. Now that I've slept on it, I think DH will understand why I didn't say anything but my biggest concern now is that I think DSS will worry himself silly in the meantime. He knows his dad, he knows he's not the kind of man to freak out about this but I guess he just needs to feel comfortable about telling him.