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Relationships

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Original poster

Would you wait for a man who was still in love with his ex?

49 replies

Braeburnbabe · 09/02/2012 09:43

In short, i met a wonderful guy we have been seeing eachother for about 5 months and things have been moving slowly and steadily, its been very nice. About a week ago, he told me that he is still in love with his ex but doesnt know what to do. He has asked me to basically to wait and let him sort out his feelings. I am willing to do this because If he decides that he wants to be with me, then I feel we could have a good relationship. I'm not clinging onto hope, just feel i should give him a chance to make up him mind. Mistake or no?

OP posts:

OnlyANinja · 09/02/2012 09:45

Take a break.

He can work on his feelings.

You can do whatever you like.

If, at the time when his feelings are sorted out, you decide that you want to be with him, then do so.

If, at the time when his feelings are sorted out, you have found someone else or decided that he's not that great after all, then that's his loss.

AThingInYourLife · 09/02/2012 09:52

Quite a selfish thing of him to ask really, isn't it?

You're not what he wants, but can you hang about as a standby in case he comes around to the idea that you'll do?

Um, no, I wouldn't wait.

Particularly if I ever wanted him to value me.

If you accept second place now, that's all you'll ever be - a consolation prize.

TheTruthNothingButTheTruth · 09/02/2012 10:13

Sounds like he wants to keep shagging two women at the same time for as long as he can.

Legobuildingpro · 09/02/2012 10:16

Erm no. He wants you to wait? Whilst he figures out if you are worth or not? Are you serious? When you've already been seeing each other 5 months? If you aren't good enoug now, in the honeymoon period, you ever will be.

Legobuildingpro · 09/02/2012 10:16

Enough never *

lubeybooby · 09/02/2012 10:16

No chance. Tell him if you happen to be single when he has sorted his issues out then great, but that you won't specifically sit around waiting. Selfish, weird slightly controlling and arseholeish of him to even ask/expect.

BluddyMoFo · 09/02/2012 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AMumInScotland · 09/02/2012 10:17

What are you supposed to be doing while you are "waiting"? If he's encouraging you to get on with your life, see other people, see what else comes along, then it could be ok. But if "waiting" means he gets to pop you onto a shelf to come back to if he feels like it, and you put your life on hold until he sorts himself out, then it would be a definite mistake.

If he hasn't got over his ex in 5 months, while supposedly in a new relationship, then I doubt you are right for each other, and you should call it a day.

If he sorts himself out, turns up and finds you happen to be single, then you could try again from scratch. But tbh I doubt that's what he's thinking of.

tallwivglasses · 09/02/2012 10:18

Does this mean you're still sleeping with him while he makes up his mind? How long are you prepared to wait? Imagine its Feb 9th 2013 and you're still waiting...

coppertop · 09/02/2012 10:19

He's not that wonderful if he expects you to wait around while he decides whether or not he'd rather be with someone else. Do you think he would honestly do the same for you decided that you were still in love with an ex?

Move on and leave him to dither decide alone. You deserve better than to be someone else's Plan B.

iseenodust · 09/02/2012 10:20

What he is waitin gfor is to see if she changes her mind.
Cake and eat it?
Try the if you love something set it free and see if he comes back to you to know where you stand.

zookeeper · 09/02/2012 10:22

He may as well have said "as I can't have my ex back you'll do for now"

I think it would be a big mistake to stay with him - perhaps you need to consider why you think you should live with that.

W0rmy · 09/02/2012 10:23

No decent person asks someone to wait while they decide who they want to shag more.

The decent person on discovering they still has feelings for their ex, would apologise for not realising this sooner and finish it.

purits · 09/02/2012 10:24

I would love to know why the relationship finished. Do you think the ex dumped him because he was still thinking about the relationship prior to that one ...

Lueji · 09/02/2012 10:25

He's just not into you, then.

Get off.

If he ever decides that he loves you unconditionally, and you are free, then fine.

izzyizin · 09/02/2012 10:29

He may be a 'very nice guy' but he has been economical with the actualite, has he not?

Had he been upfront about his feelings for his ex when you first met him, would you have continued the relationship?

Tell him to take a hike and sort out his life, but make it abundantly clear to him that your romantic/social activities won't be on hold until while he does so.

Personally speaking, I'd tell him to make it a one way trip because I dislike those who pretend to be something they're not and, in this case, he pretended to be available when he was emotionally (and possibly physically?) otherwise engaged.

FWIW, if any man implied that I had unwittingly entered into a competition with one or more of his exes I'd withdraw from the contest immediately and let the unlucky winner carry off the prize twat.

thedogwalker · 09/02/2012 10:31

I agree with iseenodust, set him free and see if he comes back. Being second best is not good enough, you deserve so much more. Good luck x

Original poster

Braeburnbabe · 09/02/2012 10:32

Well they finished becaues of arguing, i think it was mostly non communication on both their parts but I know its a mutual thing, she wants to get back with him too.....

OP posts:

OnlyANinja · 09/02/2012 10:40

She wants to get back with him.

He is "still in love with" her.

I think you've been dumped but you don't know it.

OnlyANinja · 09/02/2012 10:40

Sorry to be harsh. But that's how it looks.

purits · 09/02/2012 10:43

LOL. So he finished with the previous one because of non-communication and now he's going to lose you because he communicated a bit too much! He hasn't quite sorted this communication thing, has he?

coppertop · 09/02/2012 10:46

So he basically wants you on standby in case it doesn't work out with the ex.

And while it's ok for him to test out another relationship, he wants you to wait so that you don't do the same thing.

Run for the hills.

MyRealName · 09/02/2012 10:47

Once upon a time I was strung along like you are being. Even if he is being truthful about his feelings, then it's no fun being second best and always worrying you are not good enough for him.

She wants to get back with him too? If you give him time to make up his mind, it sounds unlikely that he will choose you, sorry. And even if he does, would you be happy wondering if he'll change his mind again? I think if it was a brand new relationship I would give him half a chance, but after 5 months, I would expect him to be sure. Sorry.

PostBellumBugsy · 09/02/2012 11:26

Absolutely not.

glastocat · 09/02/2012 11:29

Absolutely no way, he's taking the piss!

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