Would you wait for a man who was still in love with his ex?

[Braeburnbabe]

In short, i met a wonderful guy we have been seeing eachother for about 5 months and things have been moving slowly and steadily, its been very nice. About a week ago, he told me that he is still in love with his ex but doesnt know what to do. He has asked me to basically to wait and let him sort out his feelings. I am willing to do this because If he decides that he wants to be with me, then I feel we could have a good relationship. I'm not clinging onto hope, just feel i should give him a chance to make up him mind. Mistake or no?

No.

Don't walk away

RUN FAST

So no one here has ever been unsure of their feelings? No one has met someone who they think could be a potential partner but has baggage? Its not as black and white as i would like it to be but what ever is?

Fine to be unsure of feelings.

Not fine to expect the person you've been seeing for 5 months to wait around for you while you try to get back together with your ex.

Surely he ought to have stayed single until he'd resolved his feelings for his ex.
It's extremely manipulative of him to be in a relationship with you when he is unable to fully commit to you.

Fine to be unsure of feelings.

Not fine to string you along.

Not fine to expect you to put your life on hold while he decides.

If he decides he wants to be with you, decide then.

For now, do as you please. Do. not wait for him. If he decides he wants to be with you, great. If he decides he doesn't, you will be glad that you didn't waste your time hanging around waiting for him.

It doesn't really sound like 'baggage' - 'baggage' is hassle left over from relationships that have finished, not being in love with (ie. 'wanting to restart a relationship with') an ex.

Right now he wants his ex more than he wants you. Yes he may change his mind one day, but he has to accept the risk in that time that you'll find someone else. He's actually willingly accepted that risk already by telling you he's currently in love with his ex. He must know most people would hear that and be gone.

I know it hurts but it really sounds as though right now he has decided who he wants and it isn't you. It might be you in the future, or not, but appearing to be willing to put your whole life on hold in case he changes his mind won't do you any favours in winning him over - if anything it gives off an unattractively desperate look.

No. I have to be first choice. If he even has to think about whether he should be with me or someone else, he can have her. I'm not taking anyone's sloppy seconds.

No way, it sounds like a ridiculous situation. Being unsure of feelings is one thing, but he's telling you he wants to get back with his ex, but wants you to hang around and 'wait' in case that doesn't work out? No way.

let him have his space to decide, but you also must go out and see if there is anyone else out there who likes you and ISN'T trying to get back with their ex.
Until he knows what he wants he'll be a bit useless anyway, so suggest a separation, and see who else takes your fancy.
if he objects, you'll know where this is coming from.

Chin up, walk away with your dignity. As ninja says, IF he comes back begging you could consider considering him then.

Kodakchrome you have said the one thing that nobody else has and that i didnt want to hear because i know its the truth. Fuck.

Even if he did come crawling, you wouldn't know if it was because he wanted you or whether she'd told him to bugger off. Being someone's fall-back, the one he settled for when he couldn't get or keep the one he wanted, is not a healthy way to have a relationship. It's no good for your self-esteem. There would always be that shadow of "if she clicked her fingers, would he go running"?

x-posted. Sorry to be so blunt , but I do think it's the truth and that simple.

Personally, I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than be with a man who made it clear that he was 'settling' for me because he can't have the person he really wants.

I waited

DP was grieving the loss of his marriage, and I waited for him to sort himself out - knowing it could lead to heartache if he chose to try again with his ex.

It worked out for me - but DP was committed to sorting out his emotions and sought counselling and other support. If he hadn't been, I'm not sure I'd have been prepared to stick around; glad I did though

notadisneymum Did his ex wife want to get back together?

'I love someone else but if I cant have her you might have to do so wait there just in case.'

No can do love!!

If I didn't have you someone else would probably do.

Braeburn yes, his ex did 'want him back' on her terms; it wasn't an 'I'll do anything to save our marriage' situation.
Her loss, my gain

Braeburnbabe. He will respect you more if you don't wait for him. Get on with your life. Any man who really expects you to wait, while he examines his feelings whilst possibly enfolded by the legs of another woman is taking the piss and cannot really respect you.

I say treat yourself to a nice holiday or something and get him out of your system. Easier said than done I know. But necessary.

Cheeky bastard. No, is the answer.

Braeburn just to add that I wouldn't have accepted a situation where DP was intimate with both of us - his exW 'terms' excluded conjugal rights !

Bin him and move on. You couldn't possibly have a good relationship with this bloke because it would always be based on the idea that it's up to him whether the relationship continues or not and that you have to devote yourself to 'making' him stay with you. Which is massively unhealthy.