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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My relationship is crap isn't it????

52 replies

needsomelovin · 08/02/2012 19:10

Right I'm just going to let it all out...I need to vent. I've only been with him 5 months and I feel like this already!!!! He has good points of course he does, but I'm not going mention those, just the bad things!

A few months into our relationship I discovered he was flirting with other women on facebook, he went over the line by asking one woman for a dirty picture and giving her his number. I was devestated finished it but he talked me into going back, said it would never happen again and he just wanted to make me happy. Since then we have had numerous arguments, over nothing really, he really shouts at me, is aggressive and just can't talk calmly, he is always snappy, and very rarely says anything nice. He looks at other women (what man doesn't) but makes me feel everyone else is better than me. He complains I don't answer the phone to him sounding pleased to hear from him, I don't tell him I love him even though I do every day nearly. We have been out twice on our own since we met and that was the 1st few dates since then we just stay in and watch tv, he gets snappy and I feel like an old married couple. Yet as soon as a bloke friend phones to go for a beer he's well up for it, doesn't make me feel good really.

Our sex life has always been good, but he's even started to be snappy during sex that I'm not doing something right, or not naughty enough etc, but thats because he has made me feel uncomfortable around him now. I'm loosing confidence. I've cooled off a bit and as soon as he realises something is wrong, he declares his undying love for me, wants to make it work etc. But I've had enough, its time to end it isn't it???!!!!

OP posts:
MyLittleMiracle · 08/02/2012 20:05

DUMP HIM and cut all ties with him, you really dont need someone like this in your life

changeforthebetter · 08/02/2012 20:07

You don't love him - you love the idea of a relationship. He sounds vile. You have told us nothing which redeems him whatsoever. Really zilch.

Break up with him and get on with your life. Staying with this loser will wreck it. He certainly doesn't love you. He loves having someone to mistreat but who keeps coming back for more.

Have a Brew, woman-up and dump the prat Smile

kodachrome · 08/02/2012 20:13

He's horrid and actually most men will not obviously check out other women when they're with their girlfriends nor make them feel second-best.

I think you need to work on your own sense of worth - a guy is only going to value you if you value yourself and don't put up with crap.

EirikurNoromaour · 08/02/2012 20:21

Ugh he sounds awful. DTMFA.

BasilRathbone · 08/02/2012 20:28

I think that as well as dumping this man, you need to either go to counselling to find out why you even need to ask this question (the answer is so obvious to anyone who hasn't had their expectations lowered and their perceptions damaged) and/ or read this book so that next time you meet a loser like this, you don't need a whole five months to notice he's a loser - you'll recognise it on the second date.

needsomelovin · 08/02/2012 20:28

OK Ok I agree ! Just needed to get all out what an absolute prick he is. I was much happier on my own!!! I like the taxi one. God imagine if I lived with the twat!!!!! He's gonna be one hell of a lonely old man!!!

OP posts:
needsomelovin · 08/02/2012 20:31

If I'm honest basil I noticed it on the 4th date, wish I'd gone with my instincts I can tell u!!! But there was alot of things he did to make me think he was a decent guy and maybe I was being over sensitive......nice work! I'm so thick I know!!! :-(

OP posts:
EnjoyResponsibly · 08/02/2012 20:35

His good points would have to be that he is King, minted, look like George Clooney and on track for curing all world diseases by tomorrow lunchtime.

Dump. Him. Now

nalubeadsgirl · 08/02/2012 20:39

no read this book

Hardgoing · 08/02/2012 20:39

OMG, run for the hills. He's nasty. Serious, it's not trivial stuff, he makes you feel terrible and is already planning how to cheat. What a catch not

Thank goodnes you have come to your senses, don't let him persuade you otherwise by being a bit nice, just think of him criticiziing you during sex :(

nalubeadsgirl · 08/02/2012 20:40

seriously...best money you will ever spend! Plus the book is hilarious - will cheer you up at the same time! Totally readable - you'll be rid of the tool by Friday :D

needsomelovin · 08/02/2012 20:46

Thanks nalubeadsgirl, I've ordered it and I've dumped him. Feel like shit though :-(

OP posts:
oldqueenie · 08/02/2012 20:47

dont feel like shit! feel glad you've had the good sense and sense of self-preservation to get free from a toxic relationship. ongratulate yourself on a good decision!

nalubeadsgirl · 08/02/2012 20:52

Good girl :D . Allow yourself to feel like shit....until the book turns up..then you will laugh and cry in equal measures...seriously...BEST BOOK I'VE EVER READ..in terms of sorting your head out.

I was single for 5 years from finishing with my ex-fiance (lovely lovely guy, just not going anywhere) and until I met my current lovely fiance! In those 5 years..omg..did I go out with some knobheads. I needed this book on more than one occasion. Sometimes we let ourselves put up with crap that we would just not even think of allowing our friends to put up with.

Suggest...bottle of wine..nice hot bath...ring a friend who will let you talk, paint your nails, fake tan - basically anything that's about you. :) Let me know how you get on...we're all here if you want to rant! xxx

kodachrome · 08/02/2012 20:53

Hey, your twat radar did kick in. That's a win.

Next time listen to it the first time it beeps, that's all - there's no need for an override button, just trust yourself more.

nalubeadsgirl · 08/02/2012 20:55

you need this one too now

This book is by the same people, and it's fab fab fab. Get it second hand, you don't need to buy new! x

topknob · 08/02/2012 20:56

My now dh of 12 years started to moan about me doing stuff and moving during sex very early on, if I had realised...along with his comments about kids being seen and not heard :( get away now or you never will x

tallwivglasses · 08/02/2012 21:22

topknob Shock

It's never too late you know Wink

needsomelovin · 09/02/2012 09:29

Just an update......he turned up on my doorstep, all angry blaming me for everything! Apparently he didn't take me out ever, incase another bloke chats to me and he beats him up, didn't want me to see his violent side ........WHAT!!!!!???

I told him to get out my house and to not contact me again. He is still texting me but I'm hoping if I just ignore him he will go away......what a knob!!!

OP posts:
CailinDana · 09/02/2012 09:44

He sounds like a psycho. It's great that you got out now and didn't end up chained to him. If he sends any threatening texts keep them and if you ever feel in danger go straight to the police.

DreamingofSummer · 09/02/2012 09:44

GET OUT NOW!

BasilRathbone · 09/02/2012 09:45

Blimey he's a real nutter isn't he.

If he texts you again, just text him back and say "Please stop texting me, if you do so again I will consider it harassment and report it to the police".

Wow, you dodged a bullet there, Girl.

TheTruthNothingButTheTruth · 09/02/2012 10:19

Well done!! What an absolute knobhead. You said he has plus points ? like what ? he has a shower everyday or something ?

Dont reply to his texts and unfriend him on facebook, Now.

Rikalaily · 09/02/2012 12:13

What a loon, you are well rid of him. If your phone allows it, block his number, if not call your service provider and get them to block it if they can. Cut all contact, don't get into any discussions with him at all.

He sounds possesive, violent and dangerous, they all start out nice, thats how they trap women in the first place.

kodachrome · 09/02/2012 12:34

If he bothers you again, don't be afraid to get the police involved. He sounds scary.

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