Need advice, going mad.

[SpiritualKnot]

Have posted in lone parents as well, but know more of the posters on the relationships thread, so any input would be much appreciated.

Ex left me 2 years ago for woman half my age after 20 years of marriage. We've been divorced 14 months. he's marrying her in a few months time. My 12 year old daughter is going to be a bridesmaid at their wedding.

I'm ok with all this. However, my dd is getting very close to this woman's family, she has 2 sisters, parents, a young son and nieces.

Meanwhile I have a family about 200 miles away, with my parents and brothers, sisters and nieces and nephews. I want to move back there as my ex has moved on, my job is terrible here, I've been signed off with stress, my parents are in their 80's and I worry about them constantly. Only one of my brothers lives near my parents and his wife is ill. The rest of my family visit often. I can't visit often due to work, dd and travel problems. My dd loves my family,but last time we saw them was June last year.

I feel my dd is spending time with this girl's family when she could be spending time with my own. My life here is awful. As soon as ex left 2 years ago I wanted to go home but have held off coz of dd and her school and contact with her father. But I feel as if I can't go on. I cry most days, my GP and family think I need to go back home. I would want to time things re move so dd can be in new school in September.

I discussed this a bit with my daughter last night and she was crying, as she wants to stay near her dad.I feel as if I've failed at my marriage, failed at my job and if I leave here I'll be failing with my dd. But if I don't leave I'll be failing my parents and will go insane. I would hate it if my dd decided she'd rather stay here with this woman's close knit family when she could be with my close knit family.My dd says she wants to be with me, also, ex and his fiance work shifts so not ideal for her to be with them.

My dd has suggested I stay here a few more years and then we go back to my home town. I feel as if I'm waiting for one of my parents to die so that then I will have to move back there. But I'd rather spend time with them whilst they're both still alive.

Please don't say I'm being selfish, I'm in absolute despair.

SK, I think you should go where you are going to be happier and more settled

Do it now, before GCSE options and not wanting to move dd at an even more disruptive time kicks in

Your ex will have to make the effort to see dd

He is not that stupid to not realise you have to do what is right for you now

your dd will be upset at first, but what 12 yo kid wouldn't be...and tbh, no 12 yo should be the only one being considered here

SpiritualKnot - Please take legal advice before you move 200 miles away. I'm not a lawyer but I've read threads in the legal section here that tell of the NRP putting a block on moves of a great distance. The worst could be that your ex takes you to court to stop you/your daughter going.

The court won't care that he had an affair, their concern is solely for your child and if they decide that she is better off in the town she knows, and particularly if she says that she wants to stay where you are now, they are likely to listen to her opinion and give it weight.

Please just take care and make sure a move isn't going to create even more stress and unhappiness than you are currently feeling.