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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Do I do it or not? WWYD?

34 replies

BiByeCuriosity · 04/02/2012 16:56

Namechanger. Can't be bothered to list the usual MN history to prove I'm genuine.

Married to DH, been together 10 years. I've always been bi-curious, DH has always known this and likes and encourages this side of me when we discuss fantasies . Had a few snogs with female friends on drunken nights out but nothing more. DH and I have often discussed having a threesome with another female, he loves the idea and so do I but we haven't done anything about it, purely because we wouldn't know where to start with how to go about finding another woman that would want to join us.

Anyway just recently, coincidentally I've been introduced to a lady who is openly bi-sexual, also married and we have been chatting on the phone and mailing each other frequently. From a number of things she's said I gather that she and her DH are either in an open relationship or are swingers. She's made it very clear she's interested in me and wants to meet up one night. Her DH knows about this and according to her would be fine with it. My DH says go for it.

I'm very very tempted. I'm so curious and have been for so long and now I'm thinking this could be my only chance to do something like this and it is something I want to experience so much! If only to say I tried it, satisfied my curiosity, and take it from there. But I also have some misgivings. Although DH has said go for it, what if he then gets jealous (he insists he won't and it's 'different' because it's a woman)? What if I like it so much I want to do it again? We've discussed it to death and he insists he's fine with it, our relationship is strong, but hmm.....

Anyone done anything like this? Did it affect your relationship, if so, how? If you were me what would you do?

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 04/02/2012 17:02

I too was bi curious, my husband let me because ultimately he wanted to join in and have two women. For me it wasn't about that. I had had sex with a woman when I was 17 but her husband raped me not good.

Its not good to bring this into your relationship with your husband, he will want to hear about it use it as a turn on tool whilst you both have sex is that all its about, or is this about you being curious about having sex with a woman.

I like women but for me the sex is like a three course meal with no dessert, there is something missing.

Ive done my bit with women having had a relationship with one for six months, purely sexual, but Im no longer interested. Sometimes its cos what we have already is not enough, or just because we have an itch we want to scratch

Whats your reason?

Tortington · 04/02/2012 17:10

I don't understand the morality of being openly unfaithful

FabbyChic · 04/02/2012 17:12

He wants her to do it because he thinks he will get a three some which is what all men want. Some men don't see a woman sleeping with another woman as being unfaithful. They see it as a turn on and are not threatened by it at all.

Samiantha · 04/02/2012 17:16

I think your DH is crazy. This will never end well OP, or at least is very unlikely to. Stop. Stop. Stop.

LizzieChickens · 04/02/2012 17:18

Both your partners (hers and yours) are fine with it. You'd like to. She'd like to.

Why not? :)

LiarsWife · 04/02/2012 17:18

I had a friend who had a threesome with a married couple and it became the beginning of the end of their relationship .. the wife couldn't handle it. Tread carefully x

FabbyChic · 04/02/2012 17:19

My husband only allowed it because Id have done it behind his back otherwise, his thinking was no threat oh threesome for me. My thinking was you don't turn me on anymore since you got fat if Im not attracted to you I must be gay. I felt that way for three years.

When I asked him to leave I realised i wasn't gay i just didnt want to be with him anymore.

Original poster

BiByeCuriosity · 04/02/2012 20:13

Thanks for the replies everyone.

Just to clarify, we are all very clear that this will NOT develop into a threesome situation. My DH knows this and is ok with it. Her DH is happy for her to meet with me alone, and she doesn't take part in threesomes with other couples. If this happens it is purely me and her and that's it.

My DH doesn't see this as being openly unfaithful. He fully admits he finds the thought of me and another woman a massive turn on, however there is no pressure from him to either do or not do this. It's entirely up to me whether I choose to proceed or not.

My reason for doing this, if I do, is that I've always been curious and now that the opportunity is handed to me on a plate part of me thinks "why not". I like women, I'm very attracted to this particular woman and I know it sounds flippant but it's something I want to try before I die . If I don't try it then it's not the end of the world but I guess I'd always be wondering what it would be like.

OP posts:

GypsyMoth · 04/02/2012 20:15

No, don't do it. Your DH will want every detail and this turns it all into something seedy. Your sex life could end up with you having to recount the details to him every single time!

ImperialBlether · 04/02/2012 20:16

But how can you possibly know that you want to have sex with her when you haven't met her?

Original poster

BiByeCuriosity · 04/02/2012 20:18

I have met her. We were introduced by a mutual friend, got on well and swapped numbers and e-mails.

OP posts:

GlitterKitty · 04/02/2012 20:18

I would be put off by DH being so keen, TBH.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 04/02/2012 20:26

In your situation (which I'm totally not) I can see why you would want to do it. Definitely. However, I think I would be very scared that it would change my relationship with my DH in ways that neither of us would be able to anticipate. If your DH was a boyfriend that you could bear to lose if it came to it, it would be worth the gamble - a DH you adore... I'm not sure I'd risk it tbh. I mean, in theory, why not??? Everyone seems fine with it - but you know how sometimes you feel things you never thought you would... well... it's a risk - do you want to take it?

topknob · 04/02/2012 20:31

I say do it :) I did, not in quite the same circumstances and it certainly sorted my curiousity for a while. x

quitehappywithhubbythanks · 04/02/2012 20:32

Excuse the pun but when I tried it, I found it a real let down.

GypsyMoth · 04/02/2012 20:34

I have never tried it either, but if I wanted to i could,for some reason I seem to attract gay/bi women I don't understand it!

topknob · 04/02/2012 20:35

How was it a let down quitehappy I loved it :)

Bogeyface · 04/02/2012 20:41

I found it a bit of a let down too :o

Tbh its the way your DH is so enthusiastic that would put me off. I agree with the PP that said you will probably end up telling this story every time he wants to get his rocks off on it, and that will soon take the shine off it.

And being unfaithful is being unfaithful whether it is with a man or a woman, and whether your OH knows about it or not and it would be a rare relationship that wouldnt be affected by that in some way. If you dont want sex one night perhaps he will wonder if you dont want it because you would rather have sex with a woman, and so might you!

It sounds very simple in theory but in reality I think it would be far too complicated.

AprilSkies · 04/02/2012 20:44

Don't mean to put a damper on things but it could all go horribly wrong. Also, I don't really see the difference between you wanting to sleep with her and my fantasies about men. I would not act on it...

perfumedlife · 04/02/2012 20:52

What if your dh uses this act of unfaithfulness to even up the score and have his own 'one night only'?

Clownsarescary · 04/02/2012 21:11

I would be concerned he is only getting a fantasy out of it. He might want more. And he might feel differently about this if you proceed. He may feel you have been unfaithful, I certainly would.

quitehappywithhubbythanks · 04/02/2012 21:12

Don't get me wrong if I found the right person I'd try again

BayPolar · 04/02/2012 21:27

I once had this drop dead gorgeous young Mexican chick friend of mine totally fall for me, had no idea that she had such a crush on me, one day wound up on the floor of the toilet at the bar we often went to.
LOL. I am so straight, too.
I think I was flattered to have somebody so hot fancy me.
It was a one time thing, I know that I dig willy more.
Ah, what a memory.

BayPolar · 04/02/2012 21:35

p.s re: the OP, I think this will open a Pandora's Box in your relationship with your husband.

I wouldn't do it for the sake of curiosity.

topknob · 04/02/2012 21:45

Loving baypolars story sounds perfect to me :)

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