gobsmacked

[CharliesMummyMeg]

i have just been told by my dp that he doesnt see a future for us anymore. dont no what to say. we have a 9 mo son, dp walked out twice already leaving me in bits, 1st time when ds was 4weeks, second time when he was 10 weeks. he says im not the person i used to be, he says i always nag him, and that we argue alot. he works but on his days off he gets up at about 3pm and goes straight on xbox he doesnt help with ds at all. i love him so much hence why i let him come back and put up with his xboxing/not helping.

i gave this guy a baby that means alot to me he said he was never going to leave us ever 'no matter how hard it got' he let me rant on about moving to a new house with a new car and have another baby in about 6 years, for vhrists sake we had sex 2 hours ago, of course ive changed im a mummy now, im a fucking good mummy too. what do i do now?

it is not my fault.

He has sex with you then tells you he doesn't see a future for you any more? What a shit.
Try getting angry and telling him you don't see a future with a lazy pillock who lounges around in bed or on his xbox ignoring his baby and not helping you.
He sounds about 14. Tell him to grow up.

Sorry OP, I sound a bit terse, but I'm on your behalf.

Pack a bag for him, unplug his xbox and show him the door.

What made you have a baby with him? How old are you both?

He seems rather immature and doesnt seem to be able to take on the responsbility of having a child to look after. If he has walked out several times already, leaving you in the lurch, then he cannot be relied upon for anything.

Have you got friends or family close by for support? Sorry that you are going through this. I know how much it must hurt when he says to you he doesnt see a future with you - but Im honestly not sure how you can even see a future in him.

i need to be strong, your right, i shouldnt be accepting all this shit but il tell him to leave and il get all frantic and beg him not too wtf is wrong with me

he is 25, im 19 but not the typical 19 year old. why has everything gone tits up? i thought we were happy.......

Doesn't matter how typical or untypical you are. He sounds like a typical arsehole.

Honestly you are so much better without him. Imagine how much happier you can be as a mum knowing that you're not worried about what some other person is going to do. Some other person who clearly doesn't respect nor give a shit about you.

Well was he like this before or did he suddenly change when the baby was born?

At the end of the day, if things havent worked out between you its better you realise now and move on. Dont stick around and allow him to keep putting you down like this. Its not fair of him to keep you hanging by a thread, telling you theres no future...but then having sex with you! Thats not on at all!

Love your 1st line, mrs c.

What rl support do you have OP? Family, friends nearby?

Don't ever beg a man to stay with you love.

It's demeaning and you're worth much more than that.

Gather your family and friends around and get help with the baby. This man is a useless, lazy, immature waste of space.

He probably leaves every time he thinks he's had a better offer. But none of them stick around, because they can see what he's like.

Don't ever be a fall-back position for men like this. Tell him that you've had enough and he can't come back. And MEAN it.

i'l loose the house if he leaves :( he told me to give up work when i was pregant promising to 'support' us
oh god, am i that bad?.......

i have lots of family around me thank godness, i just dont want to turn into that blubbering wreck again begging him to come home.......oh. god.

he changed once baby was born....

It's just a house. It's not a home until everyone living under it's roof is happy, secure and content.

Let him leave. You deserve a man that loves you and wants time with you and your dcs.

He is not doing you a favour by being with you.

Don't let him use you as a toy for his convenience. Dont have sex with him. If you have somewhere to go take the baby and leave. You don't need him.

It's nothing to do with you, it's everything to do with him.
Do not beg him to come home. Think about it, do you honestly want him to come home if that's the way he treats the mother of his child.

Imagine it were your parents. If somebody treated your mother like that would you want her to stay with him??

Well my love that's another life lesson learnt. Don't ever let a man 'tell you' to give up work. Always have a job to go back to, to support yourself and the DCs if the worst happens.

You'll be entitled to benefits and he will have to pay maintenance for your child. You might not lose the house at all. Get a supportive family member to help you find out what you're entitled to benefits-wise. There are more options than you think there are.

What a selfish vile person he is.

He has sex with you and then dumps you?

He is a selfish immature twat.

I know this hurts like hell just now for you but actually - you may well be about to have a very lucky escape from a lifetime of misery with a totally selfish prick.

It wont feel like that now - I do appreciate. It wont hurt for ever and you will surprise yourself at how much you dont actually need him in time.

Dont worry about the house. Nobody is going to put a mother and young baby out on the street just like that.

Get him out. He is a complete loser & you deserve so much better.

i'm sat here reading your comments and i really do think your all fab, im also thinking how could i put up with this anymore.
he has just informed me i am not his family our son is but the women who bore him apparently not... i just wanted a mummy a daddy a little house a dog and a baby all smiles and love instead i get him.

i walk around on egg shells trying to keep him happy, i wash cook clean sleep do the night time bf trips to ds room sort the dog clean for extra cash to run the car on and be a damn good mum and he just tells me no one asks me to do it - ok so next step how do i get strong??

You've just taken the first step!

You're seemingly doing a great job of being a mother. You achieve more than I do (even though I work pt) I don't do all the washing, cooking, cleaning, feeding and then EXTRA cleaning!!!!! You're dedicated. You can make this work.

Do you have family that you can move in with for the time being? Can your parents help with childcare? Would you like to earn more money cleaning? Is there something else you would like to do?

The opportunities are endless. You just need to keep moving and make the right decisions for the people who matter the most. (You and your ds)

but what happens when ds is in bed and i sit down and the lonleyness (carnt spell how bads that) sets in?

Thank you :) means alot. No and no to first 2 questions.
My goal is to become a midwife....

well, love, you're so young - do you honestly believe you'll be alone forever if you get rid of this twunt? People find love in their seventies, fgs, why shouldn't you meet someone nice if you want to?

Will tell you one thing, though, if 'not being alone' is your first priority you will likely end up with another tosser. If you work out how to be happy alone and not lonely alone, you will probably feel more confident and make better romantic choices.

Sounds to me like you're doing amazing stuff - working outside the home, doing all the work in the home, and with a 9 month old... when my DS was 9 months old I was every kind of harridan and slattern to boot!

You don't have any family close, then? Are you emotionally close to them? Would it be worth moving back near them and getting a little flat while you work out how to fund studying nursing and midwifery? Do you have friends who might be supportive at this time?

hugs good luck to you, you sound really nice. And I am afraid to say your man sounds really unkind to you. My H and I bicker and get tired and fed up but fundamentally, we're a partnership, a team, with joint focus on and investment in our family. It sounds like you're doing all the investing, all the focusing, and all the work. You deserve so so so much better. Take care, keep posting, there are a lot of wise women on here.

You can never be lonely when you have children.

It's horrendous- sometimes I pray just to be left alone

I won't lie. It probably will be hard. But listen to yourself, loneliness setting in???? That's crazy talk. I'd rather be lonely for a bit than stick with that waste of space.
Also, you have a great family, you can never be lonely with them around you. And friends. And you're 19 ffs!!!You have SO much ahead of you.

Ok, so first, where would you live? You absolutely can't afford to live in the house you're in if the two of you split?
Have a look into going into council housing as a single parent? I've never done it personally but that's what I'd do first.
Then get comfortable, wait till you're comfortable with ds being looked after by other people and look for a college with a midwifery course that has a creche attached.

That makes it sound easy because it's very simplistic. But if you don't overthink things then that's how easy it can be. Only a few steps until you're self sufficient, happy, and can say that you're proud that you've made the right choices personally and professionally!

Thank you all....
You are all right.

I have family close but not emotionally close, i could literally scrape to keep the house mine, literally....
Loneliness - your right im being a big jessy!

Tomorrow is a brand new day..................

It is, CMM and you have a whole heap of tomorrows coming that are going to be so much better than today.

Imagine yourself in four or five years with your career, your DS in reception, and your head held high. And you'll still be in your mid-twenties and young and gorgeous and STILL have your whole life ahead of you!
:) Sounds pretty good to me!