Just found our my Husbands been cheating. Wtf do I do now?

[BoysBoysBoysAndMe]

I started a thread last night about finding suspect pics on our laptop.

Checked DH phone this morn and there's messages arranging to meet up. 'morning babes' 'I like your jobs' 'the wife won't be coming' 'xxx' etc etc

Gone through his phone book and there's some girls names I don't know.

Rang the girl who had been texting and said the knows 'nowt' 'I haven't done anything'. Then she's text me saying they havent done anything but send a couple if pics. My husband is not happy. Not her problem.

Confronted husband. Admits texts obviously. Denies doing anything-like sex etc. very sorry. Tears from him. Only me he wants. He was stupid-the usual baloney you'd hear on a holly oaks storyline.

I will never believe a word he says ever again. We have been together 13 years, married 12. I'm 30 years old. We have a five year old son and a seven month old son. I'm not a complete minger. Thought we had a happy life together. I would have trusted him with my life.

What do I do now?

Meeting a friend as I'm going to explode and we've got the baby at home. So I've come out. But my whole world has collapsed

So you can't see what he is saying, who his friends are, etc.

With the greatest respect, Willard Harley speaks a load of shite. As if women don't have a need for hot sex, domestic support and friendship .

So he spent the day doing a cleaning-up exercise then OP?

I'm afraid it looks like you don't know the half of it right now. Brace yourself because this could get much worse.

Is the woman the text conversation relates to, from a dating or escort site?

No, all the women he's been texting, or has in his phone are people he's gone to do 'jobs' for. He works for an energy company and he goes to people's houses everyday.

I will never believe a word he says, ever again.

I just don't see how we can be together atm

You can't :( (be together right now).

Tell him to go and stay with friends/family. He's can't do this and expect life to carry on as normal. Make him see that you are deciding if you want this anymore or not.

Frankly, having been there done that tried to make it work, I wouldn't again. Not trusting someone when they walk out the door destroys you. He is still hiding stuff. You can't build a relationship like that. The only time you can work through it is if you both want it and you need to pull the relationship apart totally and rebuild it, you can't just 'go back' to what you had :(

You have to do what's right for you - because you can't just stay with him for the kids, apart from the fact that you would then be shortchanging yourself, it's not good for the kids.

Sorry you are going through this :( x

So like I said earlier then, lots of opportunity and a belief he'd never get caught.

You have stopped thinking this has got anything to do with you haven't you OP?

Tbh I'm exhausted and going to bed now.

Don't know what to think

What a difference a day makes

I start to believe him when he says he's sorry and crying and begging forgiveness - then I think - you betrayed me, betrayed our trust, you took what we had a shit on it, you are leaving me whether to decide to split my family apart-how dare you?

I'm angry and gutted and totally betrayed and I am not married to the man I thought he was.

I'm not saying he won't be sorry eventually, but right now he's only sorry he's been caught.

If he's saying or even implying that you are 'breaking up the family' then throw that right back at him. He is the one who will be responsible for that, if it happens, certainly not you. Don't take that guilt on yourself either, love.

Do think about asking him to bugger off for a while to give you some thinking time.

If he is really remorseful, he will agree to move out and will do what it takes for you to trust him. I would guess the most likely scenario will be that he's sorry he's been caught, beg for forgiveness and let you down again when things are back to normal.

How are you boys? I hope you got some rest last night.

Feeling calmer today.

Meeting the texting woman tomorrow Dh was arranging to meet. I want to see her and see if their stories match. Will be strange sitting opposite her!!

Anyone ever met tow? What did you say? And how do I approach her? Angry? Hurt? Both? Calm? I want the truth but don't know the best way to get it really.

Stay distant and detached ,remember she is in the wrong not you.
Good luck.

If you really do want the truth, Boys, I would be as calm and warm as possible, and appeal to her decency and female solidarity(!) The first thing to say is that if they were close, they will have worked out a shared story already, so it's very likely the stories will match.

People tend to lie when they feel judged or frightened of the other person's reactions, it's proven with children but also with adults that negative reactions to telling the truth make the subject much more likely to lie.

It's entirely possible she will be very angry with him on some level, so that is something to play on, how he's mistreated both of you. That is more likely to make her feel safe enough to spill, as she'll be able to paint herself as a little more of a victim in it all.

I'm not saying this is what you should feel or even what you should do, but if your primary objective is to find out the actual truth, rather than punish her, it's best to ask her from a position of vulnerability and lack of judgement. The harder you are the more she will feel validated in lying to you.

They have had plentry time to get their story straight.

I think she will tell you exactly what you want to hear and to be honest l wouldn't believe a word of it.
Or
She is so bloody angry at hime she will tell you exactly what you DON'T want to hear, true or not and l wouldn't believe a word of it.

Of course your DH is sorry, sorry he has been rumbled , not because of what he as done and the impact on the family, but his fun has to stop. He doesn't want to face the consequences, but tough shit he should have thought of that long before now.
He is not the man you thougth he was and never will be.

Why are you meeting her? This is a woman that your husband text thats all, and arranged to meet with, nothing happened and now you want to meet her how extreme is that?

Reading the text its obvious they were arranging to meet for the first time even I can see that, but meeting someone he text? why? why do that to yourself its really ridiculous.

Not extreme at all. She doesn't want me to get in touch with her partner.

Something has happened between them. My husband said he 'likes her jobs'!!!

Agree with Fabby - why would you meet her?

Sorry but it sounds like he has done more then texts.
Personally I would make sure her partner knows about it, let her have to put up with some of the fall out to

Hang on - where have we got the idea that he hasn't done anything? (May have no read thread properly!)
Those texts directly suggest they HAVE met and done stuff. The style suggests this has been going on for a while, IMO. Also, what "jobs" of hers does he like?
OP - you are being lied to!

Sorry you are going through this OP. When this happened to my parents, my mum arranged to meet the OW, my mum turned up but OW didn't.

I'm not sure what 'like your jobs' means. Boobjob? Or is it a euphemism for something I'm not familiar with.

Blow jobs

Well I'm assuming it's blow or hand jobs.

She has told dh meant to text 'jokes'

My dh has said he meant 'jobs' , as in the jobs he goes to when the woman is on her own!!!!

I've told her if she doesn't turn up I will go straight to her partners and show him my dh phone. Which I have had since yesterday morning before I confronted him.

So I'll see if she shows.

God I'm thick! Yes of course, blow jobs. It's a given that they have had sexual contact then.

I'm not sure that you will gain much from meeting her. If she can lie to her partner then lying to you shouldn't be hard for her.

I think you're being very brave and tbh its what i would want to do too. I can imagine it would somehow give you more of a sense of power back. Well done for hanging on to the phone and threatening to tell her partner. All this "oh bless the poor other woman its not her fault" you hear on here sometimes really gets my back up!! Sorry.

I know there is a good chance that she will lie to you, as others have said, but you go armed with that knowledge. You're not silly - read her as best you can.

I'd go with calm and buisness like. Approachable. You have the moral high ground by about 1,000,000 miles. Again as others have said it's in your interests to make the meeting fairly easy for both of you.

Best, best, best of luck boys.

I think Vander's post is very wise and is probably the best strategy to get at the truth.

But I don't think you will hear it all, because she has so much invested in lying about the extent of what has happened (either less or more).

And it looks like she might be one of many, so unless she tells you that or you acknowledge it, I can't see what you're going to gain information-wise apart from validating what you already know - that your H lies.

On the whole though, I think it's a good thing for women to put aside the competition for a flawed man and approach the conversation as two women who are hurting in their own ways. I think it might help you OP to put the blame where it is deserved and that can only be a good thing.