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Original poster

Whats your DH/DP attitude towards your size?

74 replies

jenk1 · 20/01/2006 22:19

since meeting DH 6 years ago i have put on 2 stone.

I have tried various diets and i always lose some weight but then get bored and think i can do it on my own.

Dh says that the only person who has a problem with my weight is me-he loves me for who i am and not my size.

Is this the same with other peoples Dh/Dp or do they encourage you to lose weight and does it work if they do?

OP posts:
Original poster
jenk1 · 21/01/2006 17:39

WWW- u have hit the nail on the head thats what it is with me and dh.

Because he doesnt care what size i am thats why i dont have the incentive to do it.

OP posts:
SHHHH · 21/01/2006 18:26

I am around 1.5 stones heavier than when I met dh 10 years ago but this is due to the birth of our dd 8 months ago. I am desperatly trying to loose the weight as I don't feel comfortable iykwim. DH supports me 100% but has NEVER commented on my weight and says he loves me whatever my size!

The support he gives me is because he knows how unhappy I am about it...Well he supports me then allows me a treat as he thinks I do so well during the week..bless him..probably not the most strictest of slimming leaders

QE2 · 21/01/2006 19:02

dh loves me regardless of whether I am at my skinniest of about 11 stone or heaviest (as I am now) at just under 13 stone.

Being quite tall I can hide my wobbles pretty well and look like a beanpole to most outsiders. dh loves me stretchmarks and all and cannot keep his hands off me. I am on a diet currently and have lost nearly a stone.

Different story to ex-dh who told me that after I'd had 3 kids that my body had served it's purpose in producing kids and he looked at my body as a baby-making machine and didn't find me sexually attractive anymore. Cue divorce not long after!

Original poster
jenk1 · 21/01/2006 20:07

QE2 thats awful.....

OP posts:
Spidermama · 21/01/2006 20:10

Mine is very diplomatic about me being a little chunkier than of old. He pretends not to care but, when I am thinner (eg directly after pnuemonia) he goes on about how great I look, which betrays his true feelings I would summise.

expatinscotland · 21/01/2006 20:11

My size has stayed roughly the same since I was 13, so it's not really an issue.

WigWamBam · 21/01/2006 20:14

I am over 20 stone, size 32 top and size 26 bottom, so I'm a lot bigger than most of the people who have already posted on this thread. I was large when I met dh (although not as large as I am now) and he fell in love with the person I am, not the flesh I'm wrapped up in.

He worries about my weight from a health point of view, but not from an attractiveness point of view - he thinks that I'm sexy whatever my size because sexiness comes from your attitude; it's in your head.

I find it very sad that people can judge others (particularly their own partners) by the way they look and by what the scales say when they stand on them. I prefer to be judged on my words and deeds than by what the size label in the back of my jeans says.

expatinscotland · 21/01/2006 20:18

Amen, WWB!

If people don't know real beauty when they see it, it's entirely their loss.

intergalacticwalrus · 21/01/2006 20:18

In a year, since having DS, I have put on a stone and 1/2. DP tells me he loves me how I am, but I think I look terrible. I have real issues with my weight, as I was bullied horribly for 10 years about it. I have recently joined Slimming World, and for the first time in my life, I have felt in control of my weight, and have lost just 1/2 stone in 2 weeks (only another 4 1/2 to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!) I'm not saying that weight and size if the key to happiness, but I would feel a heck of a lot more comfortable in my own skin if there was little less of it!

QE2 · 21/01/2006 20:30

WWB - I just made my dd read that last post. What a fantastic attitude you have.

WigWamBam · 21/01/2006 20:31

Luckily my dh shares my attitude. It's a real pity that, through whatever ignorance or prejudice they have, many other people don't see things the same way.

motherinferior · 21/01/2006 20:45

Hmmm, I know damn well that my partner fancies the pants off me however tightly those pants happen to be fitting; under close questioning, however, he has admitted that he perhaps prefers it when I'm not at my fattest and/or least fit. But he's also quite canny enough to know that should he actually express any marked preference, or indeed even notice if I've put on weight, his life will not be worth living

Miaou · 21/01/2006 20:51

MI, can I trouble you for some advice on my thread about my dad? Thanks.

Miaou · 21/01/2006 21:04

In reply to the OP, we have some interesting weight issues in our relationship. When we met, I was very ill and weighed barely 6 stone (I am only 5'2", but still, it was taking the pss really!!). Dh was a bit overweight, but I would say "chubby" rather than anything else. I got better and back to my normal weight of about 7 - 7.5 stone. Fast forward a few years and dh has been piling on the pounds and is now about 3 stone overweight. Then he got shingles in his eye (yes, owwwww) and had to go on steroids for a year to counteract the scarring. He ballooned to almost 20st (he is only 5'7" btw but a 40" chest so not a small build). He is currently on a big losing-weight strike and is down to just under 17st so he has done really well - I am so proud of him. Me - three kids later I weigh 9st 3 today and I love* it. I always hated being skinny and feel a lot more comfortable at this weight (though losing a couple of pounds wouldn't go amiss )

We have literally been through the ups and downs with our weight (in different ways) but have always supported each other (and as WWB says, we love each other for the people we are, not the skin we are in).

morningpaper · 21/01/2006 21:08

I'm sure DH would love me etc etc whatever but he clearly doesn't fancy me when I'm overweight (currently 1.5 stone overweight) whatever he might claim.

I, on the other hand, would shag Robbie Coltrane given half a shandy and a babysitter.

Meanoldmummy · 21/01/2006 22:28

I could never shag Robbie Coltrane. It's not his weight....he's got a face like a blind cobbler's thumb.

Dior · 21/01/2006 22:30

Message withdrawn

Meanoldmummy · 21/01/2006 23:30

Gordon Ramsey is OK from the neck down. I find his irascible personality and foul language quite sexy for some reason....but he would have to wear a bag over his head. His face is more like a welder's bench.

nooka · 22/01/2006 00:22

Well I have a slightly different issue. I'm like expat, in that I am basically the same shape I was when I was 13 (including almost non existent breasts ) and apart from the year or so after I had my children, when I put on about a stone, and then lost it again (oh, and that I had small but nice breasts from about 16 until I breastfed) I've not changed much. Dh is 6'5" and was skinny with a fair gut when I met him (we were 19!) filled out a bit and grew the gut bigger over the next 10 years, and then lost the gut (all 2 stones of it) at the same time I lost my baby fat (we went on a health regime together). Unfortunatly, whilst I was pleased with getting thinner dh hated it, and it turned out he had been bullied as a kid for being skinny (which looking at the way ds is going he almost certainly was). Now he has become a body builder, so he looks very different (5 stone added muscle). I have always found him physically attractive, but can see that he looks better now (although not so comfy!). However, he likes me a lot better when I am fit, and carrying a fair bit of muscle, and I just don't want to go down the bodybuilding route (very life changing). Oh, and he had an affair with a bodybuilder, so that's difficult to live with, because although he does say I look good, I just can't really believe it.

Sallystrawberry · 22/01/2006 01:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Misspiggy · 22/01/2006 15:34

I have put on nearly 4 stones since moving in with and then marrying DH 3.5 years ago (and I was by no means slim before this extra weight!)I think it's a combination of driving everywhere, now working full time and having v little time to exercise (used to go to the gym 3 x a week...those were the days!)and being content. DH has absolutely no problem with this weight gain and seems to find me just as attractive as he did when we met. He knows my weight really bothers me but assures me it's not an issue with him at all as he loves me "for being me". BTW, love WWB's eloquent post.

lou33 · 22/01/2006 15:44

My h told me i didnt do it for him anymore about 4 yrs ago, and it broke my heart. He said i was too fat for him. I was a size 12 and had my last child a year before. It was the beginning of our marriage ending right there. I did end up losing weight, not for him , and not deliberately, so am now a size 8, but even at that size, he used to say things like, you are starting to look good now, you just have to sort your stomach out.

I dont think he ever looked in the mirror at himself, or he wouldnt have been able to bring himself to say that without laughing at the ridiculousness of his statement.

jac34 · 22/01/2006 15:52

I was a size 8 when I met DH but he was alot slimmer as well. We've both put on weight over the years,mainly due to DH's fab cooking and our shared love of food.We are by no means obese but we are both over weight for our height,we both take regular exercise and go on diets from time to time.I lost alot of weight last year and he was very suportive.I think he'd be bothered if I kept putting weight on but didn't do anything about it,but it's more of a struggle we both have with our weight.

Yorkiegirl · 22/01/2006 15:52

Message withdrawn

Nightynight · 22/01/2006 16:01

dx used to make nasty comments if I was either too fat or too thin for his liking.
But I think this was just a reflection of the fact that our marriage was in a bad way anyway.