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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

First night out as a single woman .. and it was a disaster!!

47 replies

LiarsWife · 28/01/2012 19:48

Had my work Christmas do last night ..it was my first night out since my husband left on New Years Eve

Started off great but drank too much and ended up going clubbing .. I just felt like such a saddo being out at a club at my age (43) and got quite upset that my life has come to this (and not sure my colleagues will extend the invitation next time!)

Anyone else had disastrous nights out? I consciously thought about not having too great expections of the night but I didn't realise I'd feel so sad

OP posts:
separated · 28/01/2012 19:51

Try not to worry. It's probably to be expected isn't it? If your colleagues are anything like mine, they'll understand. Did they look after you?
I haven't been for my first night out yet - separated on 27th Dec although we're still 'together' until house sells - I might investigate if there are any local sad and single groups!
Try to stay positive. X

Omgomgomgomg · 28/01/2012 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LiarsWife · 28/01/2012 19:56

Hi Separated They did look after me they are a nice bunch however ... I am a team leader and some of the ones who were there work for me so I'm totally mortified at my behaviour!

Do you not have any friends locally? I'm lucky my friends and colleagues have all been great. x

OP posts:
EHoneybadger · 28/01/2012 19:58

Bet they ask you again. Nothing wrong with being human. :)

LiarsWife · 28/01/2012 19:59

Omgomgomgomg ... I am not alone .. thanks for that .. it does make me feel better

I didn't eat anything which didn't help so had a baked potato and tuna all day yesterday.. thank goodness I didn't puke but I cried all the way home in the taxi :(

OP posts:
cutteduppear · 28/01/2012 20:00

Don't worry, I have found that if you go out to nightclubs, the only people you meet there are ...people who go out to nightclubs! And you don't want that now do you.
Probably you need to meet people with similar interests to you, and eventually you'll work out what those interests are and where to go to pursue them - and I bet it's not a nightclub!

x

separated · 28/01/2012 20:02

Nearly all my friends that are very local were couple friends. We did dinner parties.
My work colleagues are good friends but nearly all are married/attached and doing things during the weekend.
That's tricky if you're their boss; although my boss still parties with us and doesn't let that stop her st all. Trust me.

FabbyChic · 28/01/2012 20:03

YOu feel worse today because you drank, and drink is a natural depressant, you could do the self same thing next week and have a great time.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

flatbellyfella · 28/01/2012 20:06

I had my first night out in two years at the works Christmas party & tried to enjoy it but came out at 10pm and walked home alone with damp eyes.
At the moment I get more laughs lurking on here.

springaroundthecorner · 28/01/2012 20:33

OP and Separated and Omg - the good news is it does get easier. Smile

I'm a little bit down the road from you by a few months and unlike day to day feelings which tend to still fluctuate wildly for me going out has definitely got better each time. I've even cried in Joseph when my friend suggested a party dress might suit me better then her and I should try it on Sad. So that was just thinking about going out.Shock

My last social event was something I would only have ever done with stbx yet I was amazed to feel totally fine for the first time about being single/alone/not part of a couple. At first I felt like the whole world must know that I was on my own and somehow that was a bad thing. I felt like people were staring at me or feeling sorry for me, that I had a big sign on me saying "on her own". It wasnt a very nice feeling and also totally ridiculous of course. Just like your "has my life come to this" OP. Being single isnt a worse way to be, its just a different way to be.

My remaining problem is that sometimes I want to do things but dont have anyone to do them with but I am learning to ask.

springaroundthecorner · 28/01/2012 20:37

Sorry posts crossed Flatbellyfella. That is very sad that you dont go out. Would you like to?

Fabbychic is so right, no one should be hard on themselves in this situation.

separated · 28/01/2012 20:39

That sounds encouraging springaroundthecorner. I hope it helps the OP too.

LiarsWife · 28/01/2012 20:47

Separated all of my friends are married too but they have been great could it be you are assuming that they won't want to go out?
cuttedupear I wasn't looking to meet anyone but just felt like the oldest swinger in town
Fabby Yes drinking copious amounts of prosecco wasn't a great idea especially on an empty tummy
flatbelly Hope you feel better soon

OP posts:
LiarsWife · 28/01/2012 20:49

Spring thanks for that.. I've been doing well and everyone comments object how strong i an but it is good to know that it will get better x

OP posts:
Omgomgomgomg · 28/01/2012 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

separated · 28/01/2012 21:07

Oh supermarket trips are awful. Full of smug marrieds!

BayPolar · 28/01/2012 21:41

I don't think those 'smug marrieds' exist, not if MN and its stories are anything to go by.
;)

Catz1 · 28/01/2012 21:49

As my son would say 'you are a legend!'

You went out and had fun. Repeat because you're worth it!

StableButDeluded · 28/01/2012 21:58

I feel for you. My husband announced in April that he wanted to leave and moved out 4 weeks later,after 21 years together. I was absolutely devastated and couldn't imagine life without him. My dad also passed away during that four weeks, my husband had known he was very ill and close to death and he must have realised it was going to be the worst possible time for me to cope, but obviously his own 'needs' were paramount. He moved out 3 days before my father's funeral.

The first time I went for 'A Night Out' was august. It was only a drink in a local pub with two 'mum' friends and a quite meal afterwards, but I felt like everone in the pub would be looking at me and 'Would Know'. In an odd way, I also felt very vulnerable, as if somehow being single again automatically meant people would assume I was some old cougar (i'm 44) looking for a man, or that I'd be constantly having to get away from middle-aged men trying to chat me up. Why on earth I thought this I have no idea, as I don't class myself as particularly attractive, and besides, I never felt afraid of these things when I when out with women friends whilst married.

It's getting better, but it's still hard. Christmas was something to be got through for the sake of my 6 year old, I was glad when it was over. There are still TV programmes that I can't watch, or I cry watching them because they were programmes H & I watched together and used to discuss. I don't mind the supermarket cos I've always done that on my own, but I miss him, even though I hate him too. I miss who he USED to be, what WE used to be, I miss having The One, the special person who loves you, that bond. I miss just laying against him on the sofa, his things lying around, even just his presence when I'm alone in the empty house. I can't imagine any other person taking his place.

separated · 28/01/2012 22:16

Oh stablebutdeluded, I so understand your last paragraph.
I'm sad for what you have been through. X

springaroundthecorner · 28/01/2012 22:17

stable totally know what you mean about your feelings on your first night out.

I really feel for you and hope it gets easier.

MitchierInge · 28/01/2012 22:21

I want the MNer I last clubbing with to show up and tell you all about my roof climbing, paint throwing, bmx stealing and disastrous stunt attempting - all culminating in me waking up stuck face down in my own (I hope) vomit but she is too discreet. She also still likes to go out with me (go out together, not go out with me as my sexual partner although I quite would if she wasn't married and I was a bit more into clunge). (I am 41)

Think you might have more fun going out and socialising in ways other than clubbing if you feel v conscious of age but did you enjoy dancing and drinking and so on?

LiarsWife · 28/01/2012 22:23

Stablebutdeluded I think I am well shot of the lying bastard and am happy to tell everyone what he has done .. I don't see it as a reflection on me ..and I want everyone to know how much of a lowlife scumbag he is! It is the same for you - do you have anything to be ashamed of?? NO!!

Catz1I was told last night that I am a 'Fox' Grin and look 10 years younger than I am and everyone thinks that STBX is an idiot! (That was before I got plastered!) ... If I had just drunk less (and eaten something) I think I would have been ok.. not sure if that would make me a legend though Grin

OP posts:
UnhappyLizzie · 28/01/2012 22:25

Not divorced (yet). But I have to say I didn't even like going to nightclubs when I was younger. I'm 41 now and I'd definitely hate it. Do stuff you like, nightclubs are shit, even when you are younger!!
Hope the next one is better
x

UnhappyLizzie · 28/01/2012 22:28

And don't worry if you made a bit of a tit of yourself. It's horrible the next day but a lot of the bad feeling is based on the physical effects of the hangover.

I'm a student and spend a lot of time getting drunk with younger people. I really should know better. I got trashed on Thursday night and literally fell out of a taxi!

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