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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

First night out as a single woman .. and it was a disaster!!

47 replies

LiarsWife · 28/01/2012 19:48

Had my work Christmas do last night ..it was my first night out since my husband left on New Years Eve

Started off great but drank too much and ended up going clubbing .. I just felt like such a saddo being out at a club at my age (43) and got quite upset that my life has come to this (and not sure my colleagues will extend the invitation next time!)

Anyone else had disastrous nights out? I consciously thought about not having too great expections of the night but I didn't realise I'd feel so sad

OP posts:

separated · 28/01/2012 22:28

You're fortunate that you have aged well Liarswife. Me too! Only 5 foot and 6 stone 5. I'm about to turn 39 but still, sometimes, get asked for ID. Minimal grey hair and a few wrinkles but mostly just laughter lines.

Original poster

LiarsWife · 28/01/2012 22:29

Mitch The music was great and I would have enjoyed dancing if I had been in better control of my limbs! Think the demon drink was the main problem .. making me maudlin and feel out of control x

OP posts:

ledkr · 28/01/2012 22:37

I was 36 when dh left me for a younger model,i already went to a local club with friends reguarly but it all felt different after,kind of sad and desperate.I was drunk and sad an even text dh a pathetic message it was horrible,we left the cluband ended up at a gay club where i felt totally comfortable and danced all night
It does pass tho as your confidence recovers,i lost weight and re invented myelf so actually looked younger and better than before and i did have some fun times out clubbing with friends. i eventually met my now dh in a club and he is perfect so maybe dont rule it out
It definately happens to all of us.

ledkr · 28/01/2012 22:42

Just realised how funny your user name is too

StableButDeluded · 28/01/2012 22:49

Thank you spring and separated, I know it will get better. Other things have happened since he left that have made me actually hate him more than I miss him, IYSWIM- so, as much as he has continued to do things that have caused me more hurt, it's getting to the point where I am starting to see things the way liarswife says... that actually, it's NOT all my fault our marriage broke down ( he says it mostly is), he was a crappy husband in some ways, I HAVE coped well with what's been thrown at me, and there are lots of positive things about being without him.

They may only be small things but they're still positives. Like not having to sleep on the sofabed because I snore and he won't wear ear plugs. Or Being moaned at for leaving the milk out of the fridge for all of ten minutes, because he likes it ABSOLUTELY ice cold, and ten minutes out of the fridge makes it 'warm'. Or being able to have a nap on a sunday afternoon if I feel like it because I've been up since 6am with DS so that DH could have a lie-in, without him then saying i'm spoiling our 'family time'.

I am going to stay with my best friend in February who lives 250 miles away, the first proper trip away on my own since he left. I haven't felt up to it till now, but I'm actually looking forward to spending some time with her and away from home and memories. Life will go and, and get better. I didn't think it would last April, but I'm still here and I'm getting better.

culi · 28/01/2012 23:06

liarswife It will all get better eventually; you are coping! Best wishes!

StableButDeluded Think that you are me! Believe that you still love your ex which is why you are getting so worked up about him. Please tell me that I am wrong! Best wishes to you, too!

Original poster

LiarsWife · 28/01/2012 23:25

Hi Ledkr .. I actually think that he doesn't know what the truth is he tells so many lies .. I know he is lying when his lips move .. Well rid!!!

Stablebutdeluded Your trip sounds great :)

Thanks to you all x

OP posts:

Original poster

LiarsWife · 28/01/2012 23:28

Should I send an email and apologise to all who were at the club and just explain didn't eat and had too much to drink and it is a rite of passage?

OP posts:

TheSecondComing · 28/01/2012 23:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

LiarsWife · 28/01/2012 23:37

I need to say something!!!

OP posts:

TheSecondComing · 28/01/2012 23:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ledkr · 28/01/2012 23:44

I actually wouldnt have changed a thing looking back.Id not had teenage years as i was with my liar from a teenager so i did it all later,i had some amazing adventures met some interesting people mostly drunk haha. It helped me through the difficult times which in turn helped me with the daily grind of being a single Mum. As my confidence grew i even took the children on some pretty unconventional holidays,it was an amazing time.Looking back i dont know how i managed it though,all those late nights.
I still hit a club sometimes and im in my 40's i love music and dancing and we are lucky we have some ahem older but dignified clubs.

ledkr · 28/01/2012 23:46

yes just keep it light hearted,nobody really cares and everyone knows what it feels like.

GoingForGoalWeight · 29/01/2012 13:38

You ate tuna? Yuck!

You'll be fine! x

toptramp · 29/01/2012 20:51

Goodness me; you should feel proud that you are still partying. I'm not sure why you got divorced but if he was a shit dp then your life is significantly better than it was if you are now free to go clubbing.
Sounds like you had a much needed letting down of hair but as you were once married and aren't used to being single and out there you aren't used to it!

Original poster

LiarsWife · 29/01/2012 20:52

You've lost me goingforgoal re tuna

Got chatty email from PRCK tonight .. ignored .. :-)

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toptramp · 29/01/2012 20:55

I intend to keep partying til I'm a granny and beyond. Enjoy; it's called dancing the night away; nowt wrong with that and it's fine to get drunk and emotional.

Original poster

LiarsWife · 29/01/2012 21:00

toptramp I found proof on new years eve that my stbxh was having the affair he denied all last year and I kicked him out x

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GoingForGoalWeight · 29/01/2012 21:10

In other words i have read nothing in your OP you need to feel ashamed about. I hate tuna.

ledkr · 29/01/2012 21:51

toptramp I am a Granny but also have a 12month old myself i still like to party,i never feel old i think they just look too young

bejeezus · 29/01/2012 22:30

Mi had a very similar works Xmas do!
I drank bottles and bottles of prosecco, all charged to works account! Cried all over my boss, have no memory of getting home, slept in clothes and contact lenses and spent until lunchtime the next day, being sick. 'how to get ahead' by bejeezus!

I decided drinking isn't good when you are hiding lots of difficult/unpleasant emotions- because they tend to find there way out and manifest as uncharacteristic behaviour. I will only be drinking in the company of old comfortable friends for a while.

Don't apologise to them! Hold your head up high, its all about the swagger

I feel your pain. We will all be fine xxx

Original poster

LiarsWife · 30/01/2012 07:37

I think that is very good advice bejeezus Thank you x

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