I'm going to throw a spanner in the works now and ask if you have considered using the family mediation service as a way of keeping the legal costs down?
Although your husband sounds like a bit of an arese arse, YOU want things to be sorted out amicably, so if you think there is ANY chance that you husband would be willing to at least discuss how you both want to split your assets, the mediation service could save you thousands in solicitors fees. Basically, you both sit down in a neutral environment with a trained mediator who will ensure that you discuss and consider all the things that need to be covered when you are dividing assets. They cannot tell you what to do, and they cannot offer you legal advice, but they are trained to know all the options that are available,and to make sure you cover them all so that neither one of you is left agreeing to something simply because you didn't know all the facts you had to consider. They can even conduct meetings with the two of you in seperate rooms, if either of you feel you can't actually see or talk to the other. If and when you both reach an agreement, the mediator will draw up what is called a 'memorandum of understanding'. This in itself isn't a legally binding document, but it is presented in such a way so that all your solicitor would need to do is check that the agreement is acceptable to you and not unfair, and it is then simply 'rubber-stamped' and made legal.
Using the mediation service can cost about £80 per hourly session, but fees are based on your income, and if you are entitled to legal aid you don't have to pay at all. Even complex cases often don't need more than 4-6 sessions, so you would potentially save a lot of money compared to doing everything via your solicitors. Especially when you consider that a solicitor will charge by the minute and for EVERYTHING- every phone call, letter, even when you ring them , YOU will be charged a fee. My solicitor charges £30 just for a photocopy of a letter from my husband's solicitor, and it's by no means an expensive firm.
I have recently started divorce proceedings, even though it was my husband who wanted the marriage ended, and is the one who wants the divorce ASAP. I chose to be the petitioner as I wanted some control over the proceedings, and so I can make sure our finances are sorted out before I apply for the decree absolut. I initially wanted to conduct everything via the solicitors as I didn't feel we could sit together and discuss anything, but even though our divorce is very straightforward ( no fighting over his access to DS, or maintenance etc) and our only asset of any value is the family home, I was shocked to find out that my husbands solicitor has quoted a fee of around £3-4000. So I will also be looking at a similar fee, and probably more.There is the possibility I may get legal aid, but another advantage of using the mediation service as much as you can in that case, is that legal aid received for mediation doesn't have to be paid back- whereas legal aid for solicitors fees does eventually have to be repaid.
We initially went to see the family mediation service months ago when my husband first said he wanted to separate. They were great & gave us lots of advice, but I was in too much shock at the time to take it all in. Now that we have both seen our own solicitors, and we both know what I am reasonably entitled to, we have decided to use the solicitors purely to conduct the divorce process, but to sort finances and everything else via mediation to save on solicitors fees.
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They are very experienced, they can deal with very complex financial cases, and using them usually results in a much cheaper, less stressful, and quicker settlement. They will help keep the discussion calm and to the point, and if it becomes obvious that mediation isnt going to work for you, then you still always have the option of reverting to sorting everything through the soliciors.
My advice to you would be to see a good solicitor who specialises in family law to find out what where you stand and to get an idea of what you could be likely to get, as it sounds as though you may be willing to settle for less than you have areasonable right to. Then, contact the mediation service to see if you think it would be an option for you.
I was terrified initially that I would have to sell our home so that my husband could have his share of the equity (which I also assumed would be a straight 50/50 split, and so did he). It wasn't till I saw the solicitor that I discovered that in fact, there is no court in the land that would put me and our son out of the only home we have, just so my husband can have his share right now, and actually that it's quite normal for the mother to stay in the family home with the children until the youngest child leaves full time education, or reaches 18. Only then would the house have to be sold. That was an enormous weight off my mind, and once my husband realised this was the case (his solicitor must have pretty much confirmed the same) he dropped the idea of selling the house.
Also, my solicitor told me that I am entitled to 50% of my husbands pension for the time we were married (20 years) and that if and when the house is eventually sold, it is much more likely to be a 60/40 or even 70/30 per cent split of the proceeds in my favour.This of course is based on what they think the courts would decide should it come to that. If you went through mediation, you can settle for as little as you like, but it would be a shame to take less than you would be likely to get through the courts simply because you didn't have that legal advice.
This may not be of any use to you at all, and sorry it's such a long post. I just thought it was worth mentioning that you don't automatically have to use your solicitor for anything more than the bare divorce process- everything else is separate to that and mediation could be a much cheaper way of ensuring you get what you and your children are entitled to.The website for the mediation service is www.nfm.org.uk and there's loads of useful info on there about divorce, not just mediation. Good luck!