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Original poster

Need strength to talk about divorce finances, but I can't...

67 replies

LadyEatsCrispsALot · 27/01/2012 19:40

You may remember previous threads about my separation from DH. He offered a lump sum so I can buy house with kids. I calculated he would be left with family home and a flat he rents out, I would essentially be given a deposit and still have a mortgage.
I have seen a solicitor today who states what H is offering is only 33% of assets and I should be entitled to at least 50%.
I tried to talk to him before about having more equity out of the rental flat, but he got really angry. Stated he wasn't going to give me anymore. I was a gold digger and had no morals or pride.
Now I definitely know I am entitled to more but I really can't face having that discussion with him. It just would be easier to take what he offers. But I also know this is my only shot to get what is 'fair'.
I just feel miserable about it.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 27/01/2012 22:05

The issue he is overlooking is that you are married and legally everything becomes 50/50 you gave up full time working and career progression to care for his children. A full time nanny, housekeeper, cleaner etc etc would have cost a fortune. He needs to contribute to a home for both you and his dc.

Have you spoken about contact etc? The fact he will have to pay maintenance unless he is going to have them 50% of the nights - and it's nights that count not daytimes!

Original poster
LadyEatsCrispsALot · 27/01/2012 22:13

The child are we agreed was 3 nights with him and 4 nights with me each week.Child maintenance £600 a month for the 2 DCs. Isn't that separate to the division of assets though?

OP posts:
deardear · 27/01/2012 22:15

You will get more than 50% as you have to house yourself ad the kids. Personally I would say you are more likely to get closer to 70%! What's his pension like as well?

Leave it o the solciors for now and don't be bullied into anything.

Original poster
LadyEatsCrispsALot · 27/01/2012 22:18

Oh god he will go mental if I mention the pension he has. /:(

OP posts:
DCSsunhill · 27/01/2012 22:24

Tough pony. He is bullying you. Don't be scared of him. You are not doing anything wrong by ensuring the future or you and your children.

If he was a fair man, he would put your children's best interests at heart. He isn't.

RandomMess · 27/01/2012 22:27

Yes maintenance is seperate. Please be aware though that him having them 4 nights per week seriously impacts on what he would have to pay you via the CSA. Maintenance is important as you will need that to pay a mortgage etc.

The judge looks at the ability for you both to be housed - so the could force you to sell both properties so you could both buy a suitable house each. They wouldn't expect you to have a much more lowly property and lifestyle if their is sufficient capital for you both to be housed otherwise - even if some of it had to be repaid when the dc were adults type of thing.

Someone on another thread said they could recommed and excellent divorce/family solicitor in north surrey...

Original poster
LadyEatsCrispsALot · 27/01/2012 22:28

I did say i just want what is fair for the children .
He said I am just worried about what my mates think, not the children. Just because he is a ......(insert highly paid occupation)...I just want to take him to the cleaners.
I really don't. I am confused. I do feel a bit bullied in to accepting what he says is right. Apparently he saw a solicitor who said, because it a short marriage I do not get 50%. My solicitor said that's rubbish. Been together 7 years, married for 5.

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyEatsCrispsALot · 27/01/2012 22:29

I am in the South West but thank you Randomness. :)

OP posts:
RandomMess · 27/01/2012 22:30

5 years is not a short marriage in that sense and you have dc together.

He is completely bullying you.

It would not be unknown for you to be award the family home to be sold when the youngest is 18 and then that shared 50/50 along with the flat...

How much equity is there altogether - enough so that 50% could buy you a suitable home outright?

RandomMess · 27/01/2012 22:31

He isn't sounding very nice, can't think why you need to divorce Wink

It may be worth speaking to this solicitor though - she is probably well used to dealing with high earning spouses?

izzyisin · 27/01/2012 22:35

Yep, just as I thought. Another sufferer of self-entitled twunt syndrome who also displays controlling tendencies.

Stick around this board, honey, and you'll soon be tough enough to boot his patronising arse in to orbit around planet offufuck.

Channel your inner Zsa Zsa Gabor - 'I'm a very good housekeeper - after divorce I always get to keep the house' Grin

Divorce is not just the way to go, it's the ONLY way to go for you otherwise he'll be constantly bigging himself up by putting you down. What an arsehole!

FabbyChic · 27/01/2012 22:36

YOu aren't entitled to anything from his flats if he had them before he met you he is right, you are only entitled to half the equity in the house you currently live in with him, and probably half his pension.

A friend last year tried to go for half, she ended up with less than 30% because she couldn't have half of what he had before she met him, and she couldn't have half of any inheritance he had got whilst they were together either.

She also got a good deal on the maintenance.

Don't be greedy but don't let him take you for a fool.

FabbyChic · 27/01/2012 22:37

Bear in mind a solicitor will cost you thousands can you afford it?

Original poster
LadyEatsCrispsALot · 27/01/2012 22:38

That contradicts what the solicitor said Fabby!. All assets are put in to a matrimonial 'pot'. Therefore I am entitled to half of the 'pot'. Really don't want to be greedy.

OP posts:
ThePinkPussycat · 27/01/2012 22:39

Do not discuss finances with him. If you want to split then divorce him and claim costs. My stbx wanted to separate for 2 years as he thought divorce by mutual assent would go through on the nod - his idea was to split our capital and sell our house, he had no realistic plan for this. I looked on the net and found I would really need financial settlement immediately if we did it his way, and I wanted to divorce him anyway, so I have. Nisi on grounds of unreasonable behaviour went through on the nod a few weeks back, will be applying for absolute asap - can do this as pensions will be miniscule, so not an issue.

He has little income, so can't move out till settlement is sorted, and even though kids are grown, sol thinks I have grounds to receive more than him (I won't go into reasons atm). She told me this after first meeting, I told stbx, he had a free initial interview and was told he had a right to 50/50. I have offered him a reasonable settlement based on the facts, he is insisting on 50/50. If I have to start on the legal route so be it. He won't consult a sol properly, is just being his pig-headed self and says he is representing himself.

Better stop as can rant for England, bottom line, be strong, stick up for yourself, do not try to be nice or fair, just detach.

ThePinkPussycat · 27/01/2012 22:42

The inheritance thing isn't that clear, Fabby, it depends on the circs, and, I fear, on the judge hearing your case.

RandomMess · 27/01/2012 22:46

It also depends on what each party can walk away with etc they want the children housed if possible.

Original poster
LadyEatsCrispsALot · 27/01/2012 22:49

Aaaagggh! What shall I do? He being so nice at the moment. Its very civil and I know that's because he thinks he getting what he wants. I don't want to be the gold digging ex wife.

OP posts:
izzyisin · 27/01/2012 23:12

It isn't about 'being greedy'. Unlike some US States, as the law stands in the UK you can't be greedy but you are entitled to the fair and equitable settlement which is yours by right rather than patronage or crumbs from his table.

Were you comfortable with the solicitor you saw today? Did you feel that you could place your confidence in them?

izzyisin · 27/01/2012 23:20

You're not 'the gold-digging wife' but he is a tight-arsed twat who will tell everyone that's what you are if you get what you are entitled to.

If you don't get what you're entitled to, he'll dine out on stories of how he saved a fortune because he was able to bamboozle you into doing it 'his way' - he'll become a veritable pundit.

His way or the highway? I'd know what I'd choose - and I'd be more than happy to keep on motoring until I'd mowed him down.

Original poster
LadyEatsCrispsALot · 27/01/2012 23:20

Yes the solicitor was great. She alluded to the fact she had been through something similar which was reassuring. Bless her. She was very factual and clear.

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyEatsCrispsALot · 27/01/2012 23:30

Yep izzy he will say that for sure. Do I care? A bit but not enough to jeopardise what I am entitled too. ' I am strong independent woman!'

OP posts:
izzyisin · 27/01/2012 23:32

She's the ONE!! There aren't that many like her around.

I suggest you take that this as a sign that the gods set it up so that you'd strike lucky on your first try. Give her a call on Monday to get the ball rolling.

Don't bother to tell Mr unGenerous - we don't want him to spend his weekend suffering from self-righteous indignation indigestion or you listening to him ranting do we?

Original poster
LadyEatsCrispsALot · 27/01/2012 23:36

Ok!! Will do! Thanks so much xxxx

OP posts:
izzyisin · 27/01/2012 23:39

'You can bend but never break me
'Cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'Cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul'

From the song 'I am woman' Helen Reddy/Ray Burton

You go, gal - and don't forget to tell her about his pension Grin

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