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Original poster

WTAF is it with married men on dating sites?

30 replies

watchoutforthatsnail · 26/01/2012 10:15

Post the whole MN affair advice thing last week, i thought this might be quite interesting, plus, i just dont get it - AT ALL.

Talking to a nice man online, after a few days we swap numbers, frantic flirting follows and he asks for a date. I tell him when im free and after him telling me he cant do any weekends, i reply that with an answer like that anyone would think he was married.
He then tells me he is. But seperated in a physical sense ( the old, i dont get any sex lie... and blaters on about how dire his marriage is and how a ' little infedility' is the least of their woes'
Obviously i am no longer going to meet him.
So desperate is he to meet me, he has told me where he works ( director of a huge international company) and pretty much every detail of personnal info, his childrens names and ages etc... to try and convince me he is wonderful.

Upon me telling him i dont think its a good idea, he responded with ' the wife will have no idea as im often away on business, i presume i can stay at yours'
totally neglecting to think i might have any moral objection.
WTAF.

OP posts:
HoneyNutBoobs · 26/01/2012 10:20

It happens so much but I've found over the last few yrs that men are much more blatant and brazen about it ie it's nothing to be ashamed of, and it's justified by the fact that they have needs which are not being met at home!.

I'm also astounded at the number of men who pass over their personal details. I had the same experience with a Policeman (married). He told me about his family, where his wife worked, his kids schools. He also said that being a Copper, he could be devious etc and get away with an affair. I obviously didn't meet him and reminded him that based on the info he had given, I could very easily find his wife and kids. Idiot.

lubeybooby · 26/01/2012 10:25

I know. There are loads, it's really sickening. When I say I'm looking for a single and honest man, why the buggery fuck a married man would bother replying to me is beyond me, as he is clearly missing the 'honest' part AS WELL as the single bit and both are non negotiable! It pisses me right off. I have a tendency to lecture them to go and actually communicate with their wives if they are not happy. Then block.

Original poster
watchoutforthatsnail · 26/01/2012 10:32

its the brazeness of it.
I have one text that says ' do not worry about my marital status, its of no concern'

i just find it unbelieveable.

He sent me not short of 20 texts last night, from where? the bathroom? the car? when his wife was in bed?

thing is, people assume its a certain type of man too. Clearly not, hes a bloody director of an internation company - his face is on their website, hes clearly very well educated. I just dont get it?

I think im going to give him a huge lecture.

OP posts:
SunRaysthruClouds · 26/01/2012 10:38

It is a certain type of man: a knob.

His position doesn't have anything to do with it.

And he will learn to lie next time.

HoneyNutBoobs · 26/01/2012 10:43

In my experience, giving them a lecture rarely works in that they simply seem to amend their profile to state that anyone who doesn't like what they're doing need not bother contacting them!. Amazing!

Original poster
watchoutforthatsnail · 26/01/2012 10:43

Its just sickening. The entitlement he must feel not to even bother to lie?

I was cheated on by my husband. Its awful. I cant quite believe the total disregard of his wife and family for a quick shag?

I mean - really?

OP posts:
Original poster
watchoutforthatsnail · 26/01/2012 10:44

His profile said seperated.
I spent a week or so talking to him without knowing.

I only called him on it after he wasnt avaliable on weekends at all.
I had no idea until that point, and i expect he wouldnt have said if i hadnt of asked.

OP posts:
Original poster
watchoutforthatsnail · 26/01/2012 10:46

and just - after the whole - mn affair section the other week, talking about how men might meet someone who leads them to have an affair because things arent right at home.
but thats so wrong. the fuckers are out there activley searching for someone so they can cheat on their wives.

OP posts:
HoneyNutBoobs · 26/01/2012 10:47

You're right, he probably wouldn't have said anything as it's easier not to. Well at least you found out in the end and didn't end up going on a number of dates and getting properly involved with him.

Original poster
watchoutforthatsnail · 26/01/2012 11:03

yeah, im not fussed about that at all. Ive lost nothing, but just, i dont know. I dont understand at all, how men think?

and why on earth they think another woman wouldnt mind if he was married?

OP posts:
Zanywany · 26/01/2012 11:04

What gets me is that so many men are open about the fact that they are married, do they really think that loads of women don't care about the wife and kids sitting at home oblivious to whats going on

SunRaysthruClouds · 26/01/2012 11:12

"I dont understand at all, how men think?"

Is it only men that do this then?

Original poster
watchoutforthatsnail · 26/01/2012 11:18

i think its probably more men than women, or isnt it?

zany - yeah. he actually text me that he wanted to call me, but couldnt because he was picking his girls up from guides.
The mind boggles at the switch between being a dad and wanting to call some other woman whom you are attempting to shag.

Ive told him several times i wont meet him.

OP posts:
lubeybooby · 26/01/2012 11:33

SunRays actually yes I think it is bastly, vastly more men than women who do it. Same as it's vastly more men almost to the point of only ever being men that engage the services of sex workers.

Charbon · 26/01/2012 11:36

Well that 'affair guide' was rubbish anyway, but you're right, people very often have affairs just because they can and dating sites now means they can be more active about finding opportunities. Unfortunately, not everyone is as switched on as you at asking questions, some people don't care either way and some put their head in the sand and pretend they don't know the person is married, despite all the obvious signs. There are attached women on dating sites, but they tend to be less belligerent about why they are looking for an affair and over-embellish their unhappiness at home.

lovesadirtylie · 26/01/2012 11:38

Honeynut 'being a Copper, he could be devious etc' what a moron!

if he was that devious he'd have realised that his being married wouldnt win him any points with you.
Clearly too thick to plan more than one move ahead..

lovesadirtylie · 26/01/2012 11:42

there are plenty of married woman looking for affairs on internet dating sites 'I guess they tend not to come on MN and discuss it tho Blush )

Itsallgonetitsup · 26/01/2012 11:44

There are loads of them. It could have been my husband. Dont believe a word they tell you.

My H has several different alias's he uses. He is sometimes apparently single, married (but she does not understand me shite), sometimes has kids, sometimes does not. Some times he is a high flying business man other times hes is a computer ananlysist or plumber.

BULL SHIT!!!

All they want is a different hole to play hide the sausage with.

Oh and yep they text while the wife is bathing the kids, go to the bathroom to do it, pop out to the shop, when the wife has her 1 night out a week at slimming world etc etc.

I recently regsitered to see if I could find him on there - only to find 3 other blokes I know (dumb enough to put their pictures on there) looking for no strings sex. All married.

lovesadirtylie · 26/01/2012 11:48

Itsallgone, are you not tempted to grass on those lying lowlife ?

Original poster
watchoutforthatsnail · 26/01/2012 11:54

i know its all bullshit ;) i called him a walking cliche.

he seemed to find it amusing.

OP posts:
lovesadirtylie · 26/01/2012 12:03

amusing?
he should think himself lucky you dont have a lil' ole 'sadistic streak'
cuz if you did...well you could just like, totally fuck his whole life up

Original poster
watchoutforthatsnail · 26/01/2012 12:10

i know. its very tempting.
especially as when i was married all my husband did was have affair after affair, after affair.

I wont, because im better than that, and really, its not worth the hastle.

OP posts:
HoneyNutBoobs · 26/01/2012 13:14

loves yes the Copper was a twat.

all I think you're completely right when you say ... 'All they want is a different hole to play hide the sausage with'. It's as basic as that.

Truckulentagain · 26/01/2012 13:21

There are a lot of women on dating sites who put in their profile they're looking for a relationship, but are actually looking for no-strings sex.

So it's hard to tell who is looking for what until you speak to them.

Hardgoing · 26/01/2012 13:25

Thank goodness your bullshit radar was working. I have had friends who have met men who can only give them mobile numbers, only ring very late at night (walking the dog) and can't do weekends, and they still persist in believing they are free for a relationship and get quite arsey when challenged.