Newly separated - how long will this hurt for

[Pantone363]

I'm on my iPad so won't go into huge detail.

Been with DH since we were kids (14 years), 3 DC. I found out at Christmas that he has been having an affair since May. Met and had sex once, phone contact since then and booked a hotel to see her in December but couldn't get away from work.

Obviously I kicked him out. But my god it hurts. It's so hard to explain, but I never wanted out of the relationship, we had had what I thought was a really good year, this is such an unbelievable shock.

Add on to this that to be honest he is not reacting how I thought he would/should. There's none of this begging on his knees, pleading to come home. He is very apologetic but the overriding theme is that "he's not sure how he's feeling, hes never really thought what it is to be 'happy'. And can he really love me if he's treated me like this".

I just can't believe how much I miss him. Which makes me an idiot, because he's treated me like dirt. I think the fact that he's not begging to come back is also making it feel like a double rejection.

Night times are horrible, it's so quiet and I keep going to laugh or discuss something with him and then remembering he's not here. Last night I made him a cup of tea before I realised he wasn't here.

PLlease someone tell me that this aching stops soon. And the crying, I'm so sick of crying.

Also he is very close to the children and comes to see them twice a day, not to mention endless calls/texts to them, so I can't even get some distance.

I know he isn't still seeing her (she lives up north), and he's given me full access to his online phone bill. But how hard is it to buy a £20 payg mobile?

Any advice would be hugely appreciated, even if it's just what you do at night times if your single!

What's the situation with the house you're currently living in OP? Is there a reason you have to move?

I don't have to move but we have been looking for somewhere new for a year as we are hugely over crowded (5 in a 2 bed).

We rent and I could stay here with housing benefit. But it seems like our house if you know what I mean? I don't know, it needs some thought.

Things have turned ugly today. He came to see the kids earlier and I left to do the shopping. He was supposed to bring my laptop back (which he took to find somewhere to live). I asked him where it was and he said he still needed it, I admit I got paranoid here because he NEVER uses the computer and asked him why? He instantly got all huffy and exasperated about how we was supposed to just stand there and take my 'changing moods every two seconds' and then promptly stomped out the door.

Cue another phone row during which he told me "I'm busy at the moment, I'll be free in an hour, feel free to call then and shout at me"

PRICK

Doesn't sound like the contact arrangements are going too well...can you get his Mum to mediate a little more. The current situation is not good for you or the children. Not blaming you, I know how very hard it is to keep cool, especially when you're being subjected to the patronising comments that you describe.

As far as your housing situation situation is concerned, maybe it would be better to get the housing benefit claim sorted in the house you're currently living in. It takes a while to sort it anyway, and you may have other opportunities, such as Deposit Guarantee Scheme, if you are claiming HB and overcrowded. my gut feeling is that relying on him in being accepted as a tenant may be a mistake.

Look after yourself, it will get better.