Llanedos
AF and others on here are right, about everything.I was in your position in October.
First of all, popups dont do in your history, no. You have to visit the site.
I found various bits of suspicious evidence in most of those years, but mainly photos in 'received files' of women. My mumsnet post (first ever, had hardly ever used MN) gave me brutal information on why all his excused were crap, even from internet experts. He had said that the photos were accidentally downloaded from torrent music filesharing sites, but people here were able to prove that received files IS ONLY set up by microsoft on your computer when someone SENDS you a photo , and you click RECEIVE (knowing what you will receive, because you have to click accept) They mainly come from yahoo or msn messenger sites, or google messenger, or even facebook, myspace etc. They are not downloaded (ie porn- my h tried this line) because those go into your downloads file.
Now, I have been with h 22 years, married for 18, and nobody I have ever met would have suspected him of this kind of subterfuge. He looked me in the eye each time I confronted, and swore on the kids lives and you name it that it wasnt what I thought, he would never etc. He often criticised men for the foolishness of having OW- it REALLY seemed like him.
Be careful to do full research, first. That was my initial mistake, and if you cant prove it, it alerts them to be more careful.
You want to believe them, in some way, so you fool yourself. I did for nearly 6 years, I cant believe it now, and the sense of foolishness you feel then is even worse, believe me. I am still suffering it.
When you are ready to confront, you may be lucky- he may cave.
But as AF says, most will feel so desperate, possibly ashamed, so threatened and foolish, that every bit of them is desperate to discount what you say. My h tried every excuse nown to man. eg after the MN thread, when I finally wouldnt back down for a week, he started to find a weird way to create actually deliberately redirect his downloads into received files eg news items from the BBC that day, and he kept it on his pc so I would see it.
And after my earlier discoveries he agreed not to delete his history, but he used to open 'incognito browsing', he finally admitted, and also if he had forgotten, he would go to 'edit history', and delete as necessary, so there were gaps in the history.
Mae a list, do research on what to look for, even research on signs of lying. Look at bank accounts, work patterns, in the car, shed, everywhere, even spare sim cards for the same phone.
Search his computer with a fine tooth comb eg go to search and look for photos and films, especially ones in received files via search, also see if you can find the 'cache'- I founds lots from this.
Look at the 'search history' button and use that eg for words and also for instant messenger type services/vists. If he has MSM or similar, he may have forgotten to keep passwords - if you can get in, there may be saved conversations.
Print anything you can, or email to another computer if at all possible. My h's last attempt was to delete things I had seen, and even though I new what I had seen, and I had already started a mn thread, I did worry that I was mad or paranoid, and he slightly encouraged this, by saying I was forgetful etc, and finally by saying that ' I had nothing else in my life' and wanted a drama (my business had been far less than busy for a year).
I know that awful shaking adrenaline you get when you find out at first. Stay calm, and use it to act, dont shy away from the pain.
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