No, really, Thank You! You have no idea what a nightmare you have just saved me and my kids from.
To reward you for your services I am offering you my husband for keeps. Should you accept your prize please note the following rules.
- You are going to have to financially support him. I say this because we have 2 children together (but you knew that) which means that he will have to give up a sizeable chunk of his pay to support them in the manner they deserve. Please keep in mind that since he has kept me a stay at home Mom for the better part of the last 11 years he will also be paying me alimony. So forget about his money honey.....cause it's mine!
- You will have to provide him with new attire. You see after he stepped from our (now mine) shower this morning dripping wet and naked is when I discovered your little "love bites". It just so happened that at that EXACT moment a giant black hole appeared in my home and devoured almost all of his clothing. Therefore he will come to you almost naked (lucky you). The bright side is that you can dress him any way you want. Go nuts and buy him a leash and some vinyl attire while your at it.
- You will have to give him up every other weekend. This time will be set aside for his visits with his children. Since he openly admitted (in front of several people) that you are just "some dumb drunk bitch" that he met at a "tweakers" house you will be banned from these visits for fear of my children's safety. Just so you know, that is also going to be the reason to have his visits limited (if not supervised). After all WTF was HE doing at a "tweakers" house in the first place?
- You will NOT return him to me. I will NOT have him. He fd up when he touched you! I was a good wife to him and he had a good thing going on here. Don't be surprised if you don't live up to me because you wont and he will make you miserable for it!
- He will blame you for ALL of this. He told me with tears in his eyes, you said you wanted me to see the bites. I don't really care. However, just in case you did, your wish came true. I did see it, and he's pissed. He's so mad that you made that comment that when I punched him in the eye he apologized to me! Yes, I know violence is wrong and to be honest I've never hit anyone before. However, I am not sorry that I did and if I could have that moment back I would have simply aimed lower!
- This one isn't really a rule, more like a friendly warning. I will make sure to take up as much of his time with the most petty sht I can find to spite you. I will make it my hobby to hurt him and you the same amount my kids are hurting right now. Please be aware that he will take it, he will eat my sht for years with a smile. I was with him for 12 years, I know him better. Yes, I do feel completely justified in my actions. Just in case you were wondering.
So Thank you for showing me that 11 years and 2 children were no match for you! I applaud you on a man well won. HE'S ALL YOURS!