Letter from an enraged wife to OW (craigslist)

[Abitwobblynow]

No, really, Thank You! You have no idea what a nightmare you have just saved me and my kids from.

To reward you for your services I am offering you my husband for keeps. Should you accept your prize please note the following rules.

1. You are going to have to financially support him. I say this because we have 2 children together (but you knew that) which means that he will have to give up a sizeable chunk of his pay to support them in the manner they deserve. Please keep in mind that since he has kept me a stay at home Mom for the better part of the last 11 years he will also be paying me alimony. So forget about his money honey.....cause it's mine!

1. You will have to provide him with new attire. You see after he stepped from our (now mine) shower this morning dripping wet and naked is when I discovered your little "love bites". It just so happened that at that EXACT moment a giant black hole appeared in my home and devoured almost all of his clothing. Therefore he will come to you almost naked (lucky you). The bright side is that you can dress him any way you want. Go nuts and buy him a leash and some vinyl attire while your at it.

1. You will have to give him up every other weekend. This time will be set aside for his visits with his children. Since he openly admitted (in front of several people) that you are just "some dumb drunk bitch" that he met at a "tweakers" house you will be banned from these visits for fear of my children's safety. Just so you know, that is also going to be the reason to have his visits limited (if not supervised). After all WTF was HE doing at a "tweakers" house in the first place?

1. You will NOT return him to me. I will NOT have him. He fd up when he touched you! I was a good wife to him and he had a good thing going on here. Don't be surprised if you don't live up to me because you wont and he will make you miserable for it!

1. He will blame you for ALL of this. He told me with tears in his eyes, you said you wanted me to see the bites. I don't really care. However, just in case you did, your wish came true. I did see it, and he's pissed. He's so mad that you made that comment that when I punched him in the eye he apologized to me! Yes, I know violence is wrong and to be honest I've never hit anyone before. However, I am not sorry that I did and if I could have that moment back I would have simply aimed lower!

1. This one isn't really a rule, more like a friendly warning. I will make sure to take up as much of his time with the most petty sht I can find to spite you. I will make it my hobby to hurt him and you the same amount my kids are hurting right now. Please be aware that he will take it, he will eat my sht for years with a smile. I was with him for 12 years, I know him better. Yes, I do feel completely justified in my actions. Just in case you were wondering.

So Thank you for showing me that 11 years and 2 children were no match for you! I applaud you on a man well won. HE'S ALL YOURS!

Utterly stupid. "He'll eat my shit with a smile" - what a load of old bunkum.

Stuff like this annoys me, because if feeds the relentless myth that all ex-wives are viscious, mad & vindictive & also feeds the other relentless myth that you can take your ex-H to the cleaners! If only!

Good work, wobbly - the responses to your post are revealing.

As for reporting this post because it contains an historical outpouring of angry emotion, words (almost) fail me. Our individual and collective history is handed down in the hope that new generations will learn from past.

How many times has advice on these boards taken the form of 'write down your innermost feelings, fears, angst... and then burn it'?

If it was a true life response to a dh's adultery, I suspect that the author of the piece effectively 'burned it' in her mind when she pressed the button to anonymously send it into cyberspace and has quietly derived some quiet satisfaction from her action ever since

She was probably a perfectly fine if harrassed and sorting out the bills wife before this. You know? Real life.

When she discovered HIS behaviour is probably when she turned into a nutjob. Hence his apology and not calling the police despite being hit, because he knew he turned her into a nutjob.

Ever thought of that BT?

Her turned her into a nutjob so it was fine to punch him?

There is some weird shit going on in MN relationships at the moment.

Its worth having it all out Bucharest. The questions that are being bandied about are good ones. The world turns and things change, and we need them to change, and sometimes we have to change too.

Dear god some people obviously have had sense of humour bypasses. Don't we all feel angry and unreasonable sometimes? If not, you're lying

'Dear god some people obviously have had sense of humour bypasses'

Point out the funny parts, 'cos I missed them, obviously.

Solpadeine and others. Do you know what trauma is? It is an overwhelming response to being threatened. The old 'fight or flight' reaction.

So people who have been betrayed do things that they wouldn't ordinarily do. They are genuinely traumatised. They act in ways that are a little, well, unhinged.

Condemning them would be like condemning the person who stabs a rapist, or attacks in intruder, or kills someone who is harming their children. This is well understood in courts of law, so why are you condemning them?

You are condemning them, of course, because along with Baby, BT and others, you have no idea what it is like. And for one, I pray that you never do find out how devastating it is. It is devastating. It is more painful than anything you can imagine. So calm down dear. This 'letter' is an outpouring of PAIN.

On the other side, it is why betrayers will say: it was the biggest mistake of my life. I wish I had never done it.

Because, beforehand, they can have no idea of the destruction and the pain to people they actually do care about that they cause in their thoughtlessness and that they cannot undo. A man told me: I am still financially and emotionally suffering the consequences of an affair I had 25 YEARS AGO.

Don't be blase about this sh*t. It is no coincidence that 'lust' is one of the 7 deadly sins and 'thou shalt not commit adultery' and 'thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife' are 2 of the ten commandments. 'God' (your soul, man's inner good, karma, whatever you want to call it) wasn't forbidding us, he was WARNING us.
If that stupid bearded lefty stopped wittering on about the NHS and he and his vicars actually really talked about this stuff, and warning about the horrible pain it causes, they would be doing their jobs a lot better than they are now.

This is just one woman's rant into cyberspace, expressing feelings that are absolutely normal when someone realises her life has been torn apart without her knowing. People react like cornered animals when that happens; they hit out and they want to hurt back. They want to take back some control of their lives. It passes, but until it does, better to vent on a forum and in cyberspace than to act on those feelings.

Having said that, I don't think threads like this are ever a good idea, because they always invite idiotic and hurtful responses along the lines of "no wonder he looked elsewhere" and "if you were that good a wife, he wouldn't have shagged someone else" and you know, people who are hurting really don't need to see rubbish like that.....

I think its hilarious and brilliant, well done !!

I don't see what a sense of humour has to do with any of this. None of it is funny.

Whoever wrote the letter has done herself no favours. Maybe she was trying to appear strong but instead she just comes across as unhinged. And there is nothing remotely amusing about the way she is planning to use the children as pawns in her pathetic little revenge fantasies.

Well I condemn it & I have been that woman. That is why it pains me so greatly, because all the threats made in that letter come to absolutely NOTHING! I stand by what I said before, it just fuels the same old shit about ex-wives being spawn of the devil & this ludicrous notion that you can somehow make your ex-H 'pay' by fleecing him.

I've long suspected that a goodly proportion of the professed females on this site are males.

If I'm wrong there's a fuck of a lot of women living sheltered and blinkered lives in Denialsville.

I think the woman sounds weak as hell, not all "empowered" and superior like I assume she's meant to sound.

She admits she needs the guy and that she will always need his money and that she will stop at nothing (including using their kids) to keep him. It's sad.

I may be missing something, but how is posting a rant on the Internet in the same league as stabbing the person that's raped you?

Brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love it, even if the "wronged" wife didn't send it, cathartic to write it!

Dignified does NOT pay the bills. BTW

'Do you know what trauma is?'

I could write the bloody book actually.

'Condemning them would be like condemning the person who stabs a rapist, or attacks in intruder, or kills someone who is harming their children'.

Not really. I think people who are raped, or attacked or are defending their children act out of an all consuming fear, not revenge...which is essentially what the letter is.

'You are condemning them, of course, because along with Baby, BT and others, you have no idea what it is like. And for one, I pray that you never do find out how devastating it is. It is devastating. It is more painful than anything you can imagine. So calm down dear. This 'letter' is an outpouring of PAIN.'

I know exactly what it is like. Exactly. Do you know me?

'It is no coincidence that 'lust' is one of the 7 deadly sins and 'thou shalt not commit adultery' and 'thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife' are 2 of the ten commandments. 'God' (your soul, man's inner good, karma, whatever you want to call it) wasn't forbidding us, he was WARNING us'.

Because people shagged about 2000 years ago and they still do now. Hmmm, maybe fidelity is something to aspire to, but not a natural state of being...as infidelity still goes on. What shocks me is that infidelity is so shocking still. After my experiences, if DH is faithful, great, if not, he can go. No drama. Although, of course, I would be upset. I would try to move on and not waste too much of my precious life pondering what was wrong with me/him.

'I've long suspected that a goodly proportion of the professed females on this site are males.

If I'm wrong there's a fuck of a lot of women living sheltered and blinkered lives in Denialsville'

Just because someone has a differing opinion, does not mean that they're male...that comment is blinkered in itself.

My reaction is that it's cringeworthy but probably cathartic, if it's real. We've probably all been in some sort of potentially humiliating all-consuming situation where writing this sort of letter might help. Ultimately though, I think this sort of thing is pointless, except to the writer, who can get some relief by writing it and then never send it. Well, I wouldn't send a letter like this, and I've been in her position.

I think PostBellum makes a good point though, about this sort of stuff also fuelling the way an ex wife/partner is perceived as a nutcase.

I think it's an interesting thing to post in this forum for discussion, and an interesting thing to write and post anonymously. Actually sending it to the OW would be desperately self-destructive of course, and carrying out the long term course of revenge described in it would be appalling.

Solpadeine it wasn't the woman it was the man so why does it matter!
didn't realise it was a copy and paste, i may save it for a rainy day

I really hope you aren't suggesting violence against a man is acceptable, TooMuchInLove?

'Solpadeine it wasn't the woman it was the man so why does it matter! '

I'm guessing you don't mean this.

'didn't realise it was a copy and paste, i may save it for a rainy day'

If you do mean the above comment, then you'll probably have your rainy day.

pathetic

and not that funny

she punched her H, thats not funny, its domestic violence.

no wonder her H looked elsewhere, he is better off without her, she sounds horrible.