Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Could you manage without your man?

71 replies

Pfer · 18/01/2006 08:40

Was talking to my friend the other day who's having a few prob.s with her DH and she's realised that if she slings him out she'll be just fine. Got me thinking... Could I get by without DH?

I love DH and wouldn't want to be without him but if anything crap happened, like me finding him with a younger prettier model (neither of which would be too tricky), and I kicked him out, how would I manage.

Answer - easily. Can earn own money (more than he does), better at managing home and kids, and lack of sex doesn't really bother me that much either. So, good job I love him eh?

I asked him if he could manage without me, he said no and listed the above reasons. Apparently makes him feel a bit inferior , that he needs me, but I don't need him. He doesn't realise that I do need him - he's my soul mate.

So, could you get by without your other half?

OP posts:
lou33 · 18/01/2006 12:06

I'm coping just fine without mine

NomDePlume · 18/01/2006 12:08

I could manage without him, yes. I'd have to. Financially it'd be a struggle and emotionally I'd be a wreck for a while, but of course I could cope without him. Keen never to have to test that particular theory though !

spacecadet · 18/01/2006 12:09

i will be glad to see the back of mine.

jessicaandrebeccasmummy · 18/01/2006 12:11

Not a chance in hell.

Without DH being the breadwinner, the night wakings monitor, the play mate for Jess, my best friend, lover and soul mate, I am NOTHING.

I couldnt be without him, regardless of what he did - i would be the stupid one, unwilling to kick him out!

If anythign morbid happened, i would need my Dad to take over with the girls while i locked myself away for a year to grieve i think.

He is my WORLD.

Lizzylou · 18/01/2006 12:12

I'm sure I could, eventually, but would never want to...

Lonelymum · 18/01/2006 12:12

No I could not. If he left, he would have to take the children with him. But I don't want any of them to leave and hopefully he doesn't want to go, so I should be all right. I feel so much for people who are on their own, whatever their situation in life.

onefootinthegravy · 18/01/2006 12:22

J&RMum, I agree my dh is my world but if he cheated I would show him the door, I couldnt be with someone I didnt trust. It would be awful, but I'm worth more than that !!
This is how I feel now, but god forbid, if it did happen who knows.......

MrsMiggins · 18/01/2006 12:43

I think you all could its whether you want to

if you are now single mother through choice, its probably not so bad
being single mother through abandonment, although I can see I will be better off without him (lack of emotional & physical support entire 2005) it doesnt feel like it

practically I was doing it all anyway so not hard

sophynoo · 18/01/2006 13:54

jessandrebeccamum i dont reckon its healthy to speak about another person being your "world" even if they cheated on you,etc... what about girl power, feminism? its the year 2006!

Nemo1977 · 18/01/2006 13:56

yes i could manage without DH but dont really want to put it to the test!!

Passionflower · 18/01/2006 14:34

Probably but I wouldn't want to.

Rhubarb · 18/01/2006 14:37

Yes I could manage. Although I would miss him as he is my best friend. But just think of what you could do during the times when he has the children! I could lie-in, go out with friends, go dating again! (I don't think I ever dated enough) Have the remote control to myself, drink wine without having having to stand the glasses side by side to measure exactly, have a tidy bedroom, eat what I want (no more curries!). Yes, it would be bliss!

alittlebitshy · 18/01/2006 14:39

Jarm... you made me all teary

I often think I could practically (except money, though i now i'd be okay until I could get a job etc..., but however much he annoyes me by not doing bit n' bobs, and being late for dinner, and being clumsy i would miss him like crazy.

fuzzywuzzy · 18/01/2006 14:41

probably

Feistybird · 18/01/2006 14:43

Practically? Yes

Financially? Yes, he's insured to the roof

Would find it very difficult to find a replacement, am opinionated, assertive, untidy and so on and he knows how to handle me (har har) in every situation.

Miaou · 18/01/2006 14:53

Interesting pfer - I have a recurring dream/nightmare atm that dh dies and I am left on my own (haven't told him!). I think it's partly because I have had ds recently (well, 5 months ago) and I need a lot of support just now (practical).

We very nearly split up a couple of years ago, and in fact dh worked away from home for six months. I managed perfectly well without him in most respects. However at the time things were so bad that I was relieved to be on my own, which made me "stronger". But we got back together, and things are as good now as they were when we first married (perhaps better), and I know that if I was left on my own now I would not cope so well.

Blackduck · 18/01/2006 15:26

Could I/ - yes
Would I want to - no (well most of the time its 'NO')

rickman · 18/01/2006 16:12

Message withdrawn

Listmaker · 18/01/2006 16:35

AFter 5 years on my own believe I never for one minute believed I would have that sort of love Ricman and Bugsy but I have met someone now who is just the best person I've ever known and I can't believe my luck that he loves me and we are planning a life together. It's amazing and I thank my lucky stars every day.

I really though it would never happen so I'm living proof that it can......eventually!!

alexsmum · 18/01/2006 18:36

dh worked away for a while( along while) last year and in terms of looking after the kids and the house i did manage, but oh my god was i depressed. found it unbearable really.
dh is the only person in the world i could be with all the time and not get fed up with . we have our rows like everyone, but everything is better if he is there-even if it's just watching tv or whatever.
don't know what o would do without him.

Mytwopenceworth · 18/01/2006 18:38

no

QE2 · 18/01/2006 18:45

After my divorce I spent 5 years on my own. Yes it is manageable and it made me realise that unless you have the right sort of man by your side - there's nothing you can't do on your own.

Even now, having remarried and with 2 more kids with new dh (well not exactly new as it's been nearly 5 years) I know I could manage perfectly well without him. I don't need him, I want him. There is a very big difference - tbh I feel needing a man is very unhealthy. You don't have to be a raving feminist to be independent, even in the strongest and healthiest relationships.

misdee · 18/01/2006 18:48

have been getting by without my other half coming home for 7months. would be lvoely to have him home, but can manage at home by myself.

Tipex · 18/01/2006 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amIbored · 18/01/2006 20:23

yes I could, and will if I have to.

2 years ago, yes i could have but wouldn't wanted to have to

we had the conversation i wanted him but didn't NEED him 12 months ago - didn't go down to well