strange development..

[katkin73]

Hi all.
Don't know if you will remember me, I was posting around 6 months ago when I discovered dh emotional affair (text/msn/filthy pics etc) anyway I decided to try and move on, not exactly forget it but we are still together.
It doesn't take a lot to make me suspicious/paranoid and I have had my suspicions regarding one of his female work colleagues, you know how one name seems to come up in conversation ALOT, they work together every day, have to go away overnight on trips together etc etc, I started questioning him about her, not outright accusing him more gentle probing, asking him who he'd seen in work etc, anyway he stopped talking about her completely, goes out of his way not to say her name, its like she doesn't exist (she is still there)
Yesterday a letter arrives at our address FOR HER!? yes, her name, my address. He doesn't know its here, I've not opened it, but can see through envelope (with torch lol) that it is a compliment slip and receipt from a taxi firm, dated one night last week when he was out! It was supposed to be a works get together, lots of them, all taking their cars as they had work the next day.....so why a taxi receipt for a LOT of £££ in her name (not my dh card number) to my address???

God stuff like this actually makes me thankful I'm single.
It doesn't look good OP, I would be livid.

Open the letter, I would. You can pretend you didn't look at the name, I often rip open post without reading the name address label properly.

Whatever the explanation (& I agree sorry it does sound fishy) she should NOT have been using your address.

Horrid for you, how will you broach it?

Makes me glad I'm single too!!!

Think you need to speak to him, but doesn't sound good.

I would also open the letter and then contact the taxi firm and ask them some questions. Seems very odd that they would send it to your address with her name on it!

Me too MuckyCarpet.

It may just be that she paid but they dropped off at yours hence her name, your address??
As he has form though I would be suspicious over his behaviour and if I ever were to get into a serious relationship again (unlikely) then I would only give one chance. I see it on here time and time again, people forgive and try to move on only for it to happen again.

The day that he suddenly stopped mentioning her name is the day he began an affair with her

It looks like he did not learn his lesson last time, sorry.

Not sure how to broach it tbh. I know if I confront him he will say I'm paranoid (yep I am and he did that to me!)
Have wondered (need brave vibes) if I should text her from his mobile saying something like "letter arrived here for you" and see the response from her??

Madabout, yep that was my feeling backed up by a friend IRL she said, he stopped mentioning her because he has her :(

So do you think she took a cab to your place, asked for a receipt, the driver didn't have one at the time so forwarded it on in the post?

Ah no, shared a cab with your dh I think, receipt would be for claiming back expenses

Well there's no doubt he was out with her last week. Whether there were others there, who knows? But tbh, why do you care? You can't trust him as far as you can throw him. He should be bending over backwards to prove to you that it's you he wants, instead he's having nights out with the OW. I'm sorry but he's definitely having an affair.

I also think he started an affair when he stopped talking about her so as not to make yo.suspect anything....idiots some of them are

I have read your previous threads, your H has continually taken the piss out of you, his marriage and his DC. It seems that each time you found out, things are swept under the carpet. He will not change as he knows you will not ask him to leave and that he is in no danger of losing everything.

Tell him you know he has betrayed you yet again and I would ask him to leave.

You do not need solid evidence to present him with - you have seen enough and heard enough. You can't live like this for much longer, you'll go insane with worry and anxiety

Yep I'm thinking shared cab, claiming back expenses, but it is way too much ££ to be for trip from office to restraunt they were (supposed) to be at, but is probably about right amount from city to our house...

I would open the letter it may be that she paid for things on a works credit card and it was sent to your house where maybe the taxi dropped your Dh off, it could be just a mix up, but as to why he is lying and still engaging with her after the last time I think others are right, he sounds like a weak man who is happy with telling you whatever keeps you happy

Madabout-would also explain why he always had a really high sex drive and now suddenly I'm the one doing all the running, and why he can't look me in the eye....etc....etc...etc
I know its so glaringly obvious, I need to get some balls! :(

You can do it - it can't be good for you and the DCs seeing their father treat their mother like this, what will they learn about adult relationships?

It may help if you see CAB/solicitor to find out where you stand legally and financially.

I am sorry Katkin, but your husband is having an affair with this woman. Texting the OW is not the answer. She is secondary in this whole thing, it is your husband who is breaking his vows to you.

Texting her will just give him ammunition to accuse you of being 'crazy' and 'paranoid'. It also gives him a chance for her to tell him what you've done, and that will give him time to make up more pathetic excuses.

How you broach it depends on what you want to do next. If you want to spend your life with a cheating, lying man then you could always try 'moving on' again. Which will work until the next time he can't keep it in his pant's. My approach would be, 'You are having an affair, here's the bag of clothes I packed for you, my solicitor will be in touch'.

You've given him a second chance, and he's thrown it back in your face. He doesn't deserve you. Don't you think you deserve more than being taken for an utter mug by this pathetic excuse for a man? Because you really, really do.

I hope you find the strength to do the right thing for you. It is a horrible situation to be in.

Thought if I text her from his mobile, she'll think its him and if I just say "letter here for you" her reply to that would be telling?
Trouble is there is always that little "what if?" at the back of mind, as in "what if it is some innocent mistake?"
If she replies "omg has your wife seen it?" then I'll know a bit more....

That 'what if' at the back of your mind is you not wanting him to be having an affair, but I believe that in your heart you know that he is...so sorry:(

I agree with catherina

You know it isn't an innocent mistake. There is too much evidence pointing to the contrary.

I'm urging you NOT to go down the route of texting the OW. Your DH will find a way of turning it around onto you, and before you know it you will yet again be getting accused of being paranoid, and unreasonable.

It is your DH you need to be speaking to, not the OW.

Its gut instinct isnt it..........., they always say you know, it didn't let me down last time, (I didn't stumble on those texts/msns etc by accident, I went looking) so why am I in denial this time? maybe because I know this time will be the end and its not something I ever tought I would have to face :(

Keep your dignity and don't send a text to the ow.
You don't need 'evidence' to divorce this man for his total disregard of you and your feelings.
Ask him about all of your concerns, I would not mention the letter straight away, use it as your trump card if you like. His reactions to your questions should tell you a lot.