I met a man on an online dating site. We met straight away, without chatting much, as he happened to mention he was at a function I was going to too, so we got on very well on that, our sort of first date, our second date we spent the entire weekend together and slept together. He said he could tell he could fall in love with me. Then our fourth date, he said he was in love with me. I felt it was a bit too soon, but we had been talking a lot, and I felt I could fall in love with him, so I didn't worry, but in hindsight maybe I should have. Then, it has been so so so full on. He says things to me that nobody has before, long letters, flowers, nobody has ever really done any of that for me before. I feel a bit like it is too much, too soon, sometimes, but it's intoxicating. He makes me feel so special when he's switched onto that role. I can't explain it. Like I'm beautiful. He's been here most evenings and every weekend. It has just all moved so quickly.
Then, the main worry I have now, is just that it's always, always drama. We've only been together for two months. If something happens with the children and I have to put them first, he sulks. The same with my work. I don't know, he's a successful man, normal, but I really feel he... overreacts a lot. And attributes the worst motives to me! I'm always having to apologise massively when I didn't realise I was doing anything wrong.
I don't know why I'm writing this. I thought he was just sensitive, then I thought maybe I am a cold hearted bitch and I'm treating him terribly. But nobody has ever thought that before, surely it isn't me? I really really like him, that perhaps isn't coming across. But I've just had another day of me crying on the phone trying to explain that I wasn't trying to hurt him by doing something I felt was innocent and innocuous, and I sort of feel that it just isn't right.
No, I know it's not right, but I still feel like I ought to apologise to him and try to be better, and carry on. I want to say to him that he's acting ridiculously, so why do I hear myself saying sorry to him instead?
I need to figure out how to not keep picking men who end up being all wrong. I need to know how to be alone. I I feel like such a failure for ending up here again, and so sad. Maybe this should be in mental health. :(