Being dumped by a friend feels worse than being dumped by a bloke!!

[BrightnessFalls]

I take it Im dumped.

I have a friend I used to work with. We are the same age (early forties) she's a lp but gets loads of support from her ex dp. In that, every other weekend and one night in the week the dd's stay with him. Without fail.

She was always flaky in that she would make arrangements and drop out at last minute, saying childcare had let her down. When she did come out she would have such a good time and say how pleased she was that she had met me and I always invited her along to everything.

We were both on our own and, honestly, it was lovely to meet up once a month for a drink and a natter.

She was vague about men. In that she would say things when she was drunk and then berate me months after for asking how it was going with so and so, telling me she was freaked by how I never forgot anything but, there was always a drama. Her married next door neighbour who was chasing her, the gardener who was constantly hitting on her, the sleazy dad from school. All of them loaded and all in relationships. I dont know if she ever took it further as she always played those cards close to her chest.

Anyway, at New Year she text to ask what I was doing and, I asked what she wanted to do (we have done New Years Eve together before and had a fab time) surprise, suprise, she never returned the text. Ive text her casually when I know the dd's are away and she hasnt replied, I rang her yesterday morning and she said she was in Waitrose and would ring me last night. She never.

I feel terrible because of all the rl issues are read on her but, its still painfull. I dont know what Ive done. The only time Ive felt like this is when Ive been dumped by a man I have been really into

I've recently been dumped by a girl I had considered to be like a sister to me. We've been friends for years and she's just embarking on a huge stage in her life and seemingly no longer needs me. I'm ashamed to say that I think about her all the time- it is like being dumped. It Hurts. Can't offer advice but I understand entirely

Yes, this one has got a new job and had a big birthday.

Its horrible. If shes in a relationship then Im pleased but, friends would tell each other that, wouldnt they?

Does she have any other friends? sounds like she really doesn't want to give anything. Also she is probably a very private person and dislikes sharing thoughts and feelings.

She will probably ring you at some point, but if you see her again it will only be on her terms.

Sounds to me like she may be in a relationship with a married man. That might explain her making arrangements that she can't keep at the last moment (married man could suddenly get away for the evening?), and would also explain why she's playing her relationship cards close to her chest.

If I'm right then she's probably spending an awful lot of time by the phone waiting for him to find a window when he can ring her.

How about just asking her outright?

Her friends are mums at school, all married. She always used to say how high maintenence they all were (ex dp is incredibly loaded and school is in a wealthy area) As far as I know she never used to go out in an evening only with myself and my friends. Unless you had a date with one of her dodgy admirers. She owes someone some money at work as well and they keep asking me if Ive seen her. Its not alot but the person she owes it to is the sweetest lady.

Ive often wondered if she has depression of some sort. I could never, ever, ignore texts or phone calls. Ive never done it as I know how horrible it is. She has never struck me as a mean person.

Been there a couple of years ago. Yes it hurt but like being dumped by a bloke you get over it :) it's just getting to that point.

In my case we were BF and had been through everything together. Both found out we were pregnant at the same time, our sons grew up together and we saw each other everyday. She moved about a 10 min drive away and dropped me like a sack of shit and still to his day I don't know why. Not going to bother asking as I have moved on, although if I bump into I will say hi and carrying on walking.

I think she must have thought I was dragging her down in some way. I have a good life and am free to go wherever and whenever I like. I am single but can cope being on my own. Its always about men with her. She was determined to get one, no matter how unsuitable. I think because when I saw her I was happy to get merry and not necessarily mingle as much as she would like. Im out of practice, I know that.

Ah well she'll be one of those women who is only validated if she's got an army of wankers men lusting after her!

Women like that rarely make for being good friends you know and find it difficult to see women as worthwhile company. They just see women as competition that's all.

I wouldn't think this is personal at all, but you'll learn to recognise 'her' in the future and avoid friendships with women like that.

I've recently gone thru similar. Friend has seemingly dumped me and I don't know why, but the wankstain she's with has set out to alienate her from family & friends so guess he's succeeding.
She only texted mei when she wanted free child care, and one day duped me into having her son whilst she swanned off with said wankstain. Then she turned up and I said " oh leave him a bit, boys ( both aged9) are playing nicely" she literally pulled him out of my house without so much as a thank you. Not had anything to do with her since. Realised then I was just a free chil carer and was being used.
Sad. But he's changed her.

it is hurtful. happened to me a while ago, a good friend from early playgroup days, we'd grown close due to kids/personal issues in common/bonding on nights out over a bottle of wine/having fun! she went through a v acrimonious divorce and seemed increasingly to be disappointed with me - that i wasn't following suit, that i wasn't "realising my potential", that i couldn't drop everything at the last minute to join here somewhere or other for a night out. We both physically moved about 6 months ago- I invited her to my leaving do, she sent a v distant out-of character FB message saying "let's agree to a virtual toast from our new homes" and promptly discontinued contact-new email/ new mobile, no FB, everything. she's still in contact with a guy who's a mutual friend but has made no effort to contact me via him and i can't contact her.
It makes me v but funnily enough, putting this down in writing is v cathartic and i realise how ridiculous, selfish and superficial she's been. She used me, such is life I guess. human nature. I miss her still though, but much less now. I realise there's less to miss than I thought!

if she contacts you again Brightness will you still see her? I think it's likely that she will and suspect that Sposh is right, she's in a relationship with a married man or something. I remember when a friend of mine was seeing two blokes at once (I didn't have a problem with it!) she played her cards close to her chest as well because she felt guilty!

You don't feel she accepts you for the way you are, that's not being a friend at all.

She's not one of those women who sees other women as competition, she hardly goes out (I think) the men she meets seem to come to her either as doing jobs for her or at the school gates.

If I ask her outright she will either ignore the message or will text back and say "I am so sorry that I dont always have time to reply to you but, I have children and, I dont expect you to understand that" or, something along those lines. I know its hard for her but she has always used them as an excuse. It takes two minutes to say "how are you?" when the children are in bed. And, she used to do that.

Ive suspected a married man for years tbh. The most recent ones wife has left him with five children and she feels sorry for him and, tells me hes loaded in the same breath. Hes also an arrogant arse.

she obv. feels that you don't share her priorities (loaded blokes, dramatic r-ships!) - and probably feels you disapprove of her mindset, and she doesn't 'get' you either by the sound of it. So in a way it's for the best, as your chat sounded unfulfiling to you. Still hurtful, but try to move on as there is a good reason to!

Honestly, we have a real good laugh when we go out though. I do miss that. Its not like we saw each other very often, every few weeks at most. I am upset. Of course I'll get over it. Its not the same as losing a bloke though, at least you kind of know where it went wrong.

I have to say that she sounds very untrustworthy. she may be great fun but not serious friendship material tbh. I have friends like this - huge fun but wouldn't trust them further than I could throw them. YOu have to hold your boundaries with people like this, it isnt a level playing field; and keep your heart safe.

I do know though how painful it is when a friend dumps you - ouch and ouch and ouch. Im a bit worried that you've been blaming yourself upthread - oh, don't do that! salt/wound. I'm not saying you're perfect - who is - but I really don't think she sounds trustworthy. She kept you well away, freaked that you remembered things she'd said, freaked that she was drunk enough to say them (went on and on and on about it). Boring, tbf HOw dull to be chasing after somebody who drops crumbs from the table like they're nuggets of gold and then berates you for picking them up. Friendships are about sharing, bonding, trust - this one didn't have any of those imo. I don't think you've lost much tbh (though I know it hurts).

somebody who drops crumbs from the table like they're nuggets of gold and then berates you for picking them up.

what a line, springydaffs you put is so well.

you really haven't lost any more than (unreliable) company and fun, she's more easily replaced than you are by the sounds of it. But it is hurtful. write it all down and let it go.

I do think its in her nature, she fell out with her sister when she had her first child as her sister didnt "understand" how difficult it was with a new baby. That was 12 years ago and she has hardly said two words to her since.

She totally freaks out when I ask her about stuff shes told me about, she doesnt like it at all. To me its just common conversation you have with your friends I mean, why wouldnt I remember stuff? its best to wait til my third bottle of wine, if you really dont want me to remember

should I try ringing her one more time or, just leave it now?

I really wouldn't bother. What's to chase after? Being friends with her sounds turtuous and like breaking a war code - not worth the effort imo. Find some more friends who enjoy and look forward to being with you, don't chain and padlock their private lives, don't jump all over the shop when you ask normal questions. Be friends will people who make the sun shine in your life and don't make you second guess everything you say and do.

It is quite hard to do that, outside of work. This isnt my home town. I have plenty but they are 300 miles away. I have afew here but they are either alot older than me or, younger!!!

a lot of my friends are much younger or older than me. I don't care about the age as long as they are true friends ie they want to be with me, they enjoy my company and look forward to being with me, they care about me and respect me. I struggle to find somebody to go clubbing with but that is a small price to pay tbh. I'd much rather that than a 'friend' who made me feel shit.

I love them all to bits but, there's no denying they at at different stages of their lives. Either engaged to be shortly married or, planning their retirement!! I'm not a clubbed but it is nice to go to gigs occasionally with someone who knows the band!

ah yes, it's hard to be shut out of a glittering circle. But not as hard as having to put up with a tonne of shit to stay in it. do I know what I'm talking about, or do I know what I'm talking about glittering but toxic family here. It does look barren on the one hand when the doors are shut but you get used to it... and wonder why you put up with the shit in the first place. Just think, by letting her go you're making space for healthy and fulfilling relationships with people who value you for you.

Ive deleted her number so, thats a start. I think for years shes been involved in some kind of illicit relationship, at one point I thought she mustve been an escort, the way she used to cancel nights out . Im such an open person, I dont get secretive people at all. It just comes accross as being sly to me.

I hope it isnt depression.

Oh, well. I will have to find someone else to discuss Game of Thrones with when it comes back in March

she's sounds a bit of a user and a drama queen tbh. I know it's horrible to feel "not good enough" and rejected by friends, but I reckon you are far better off out of it, sounds like she's shafted someone else money wise. Doesn't sounds like depression at all to me.