Who has right of room after accident?

[barkwithnobite]

DH and I had an argument - He is clearly at fault, and I said I wanted some space. He refused to sleep on the sofa, so I had to. Shouldn't he leave the room for me if he's the one that has caused the upset?

But what was his take on the argument? Did he think he was in the wrong?

He claims he's not wrong, and has not done anything wrong...

Accident in heading should be argument......btw I found some emails he had that made me feel uncomfortable!!!

So he thinks you're the one who caused the upset.
So he thinks you can sleep on the sofa if you like.

That's his attitude..though he admits that, any woman would be upset by the email I saw!!!!

Just wondering if it's unreasonable for him to give me space after hie's brought distrust into our marriage....l.i just can't believe he was snoring after 5mins, while I had to take the sofa!!

How did you "find" these emails?

I'd cross posted and didn't see about the e-mail.
It's likely you're right and he is in the wrong - but the whole reason there's an argument is that you don't agree on that.

What was in the emails? That is more important than who should sleep on the sofa surely?

Yes, how odd that your thread is about whose right it is to sleep in your bed, rather than what was in the E mails, presumably to another woman?

Although if he's an entitled twat, consigning you to the sofa after he'd behaved badly would I assume, be typical?

I would have thought that whoever doesn't want to share the bed with their spouse should find somewhere else to sleep.

If I storm off to the sofa it's done in a "I am so angry with you that I refuse to sleep with you" way so to me it's always an [considers themselves the] injured party thing.

Sounds from your replies that I was being unreasonable.......I simply can't expect him to vacate the room because I feel he's done wrong and can't bear the thought of sharing a room.....

If his emails were flirting/cybering with another woman, then absolutely he should be the one on the sofa. He should be trying to make amends if he has done wrong, not arrogantly expect things to carry on as normal.

Rightio. Let's imagine he'd found you sending dodgy E mails to another man. That were unmistakeably flirtatious. About which you denied any wrongdoing and you batted it back to him as 'having a jealousy problem', but in fact knew that you were bang to rights. And he looked hurt, angry and confused and asked if you'd mind sleeping separately that night, while he got some space to think about it.

Would you take the sofa?

I realise early in my (short, EA) marriage that kicking me out of the room was another way of exerting control over me.

If you want to express your disgust then do so, but you are the one making the show of the disgust you (as has been said) should be sleeping on the sofa

He wasn't sending emails. He received an email from someone I didn't know he was in contact with. Tbh, I just wanted to know if I'm justified kicking him out of the bedroom if I feel hard done by, while I gather my thoughts! I don't even feel comfortable discussing the email issue on here yet....

If he's just received an email and not solicited it, then it's not really his fault?

DH and I had a row this week, I went to hotel. I don't do sofas and wanted some space from him!

Whoever goes to bed first gets the bed.

Is it sexist to say- the woman is more fragile and should have choice of having the bed?

Yes.

You deem yourself too fragile to sleep on the sofa?
Behave.

Very sexist!

No, that's sexist nonsense and you're losing my sympathy altogether.

You need to make a better case for it than that.

You could try saying he's the one who hurt you so he should make it up to you by taking the sofa while you get your head together. But honestly, you should try and sort it out instead of doing the huffy sleeping apart thing.