just been on date 4... what you you think of this?

[chocolatepuff]

met a lovely guy, he's kind, funny, good in bed.. So yesterday was date 4. It is his birthday soon so i'd said i'd go over to his and cook him a meal, which i did. Bought round a bottle of cava too. had a lovely afternoon. we went to the pub before going our separate ways for the evening (i was meeting some friends as was he) and i arrived at the bar first and so ended up buying him a drink! Ok that felt a bit cheeky.. its not chivalry im after really, but i think its common decency for him to buy me a drink after i'd bought and cooked his lunch.. anyway as we were finishing our drinks i spotted a table becoming free so i suggested we sit down, to which he replied he would have to scoot. so no chance of reciprocating the drink either. felt very cheeky. god ive just realised from writing it down, he's not that into me is he? or just a bit selfish. what do you think / what would you do??

There's going dutch and there's going dutch- splitting everything down to the last penny is odd. Taking it in turns to buy a round of drinks is completely normal.

Don't back off on the sex. I slept with DP on the first date and I can't get rid of him six years later. Sorry, I mean we are very much in love

Net time, buy him a half. When it's his turn, order a double. Problem solved.

I knew there would be a bit of an outcry ! I never saif he should ALWAYS pay for her dinners - but surely it's nice and generous to offer it occasionally without it being her Birthday? So far it's her who paid more overall, and look - she feels uneasy! As i also said, it's nice of him to offer even just to be turned down, i.e. if it's her strong principle to pay equally. He might well be earning more we don;t know. As to skint students - agree that they should share but a man should make an effort with ideas for socia llife. I think it's a bit cold and unromantic when everything HAS to be split if being suggested by the man. What about flowers then - shouldn't he do that knowing that she won't do the same? I think people who aer generous natured love to give to someone they care about - and before shating life and chores, the opportunity is in gifts/dinners, but obv not over the top and always one sided.

*not always one sided, of course

I sorta agree with bricks, it may be old fashioned, but if he can afford it, I expect a man to foot the bill on first few dates, or at least try (and allow woman opportunity to offer). Its romantic and is a clear sign that he's into taking you out!!!

What's romantic about it, barkwithnobite?

plus, how do you gauge whether he's a miser?

yellow sorry I'm answering for bark - it's romantic to want to give! Not everyone can write poetry/ be amazing in bed, so at hte dating stage the taking out is nice. If they expect something for it and soon - then his date can just dump him surely, test of character.

Did you cook him dinner, fuck him, buy him a drink and he said he had to "scoot off"

Im really sorry but I think that is disgraceful. I am absolutely shocked that anyone would be ok with that kind of treatment.

Well, the OP obviously doesn't feel it's romantic, does she? Since she didn't seem to like buying his drink.

yellow - but she did like cooking for him, she doesn't think it's romantic of him to just take all day and then leave after one drink bought by her.

She said in the OP that they were both going their separate ways. I don't see the issue.

This thread feels like it's 1951 and we're reading Women's Weekly......

OP just go with the flow for a while. You'll soon be able to judge whether he's 'into you' and/or tight with money, but from what you've posted, he just sounds like a normal person at the dating stage.

I do agree that the OP should play it by ear for now though! Give him another couple of opportunities.....

Thanks all for your responses. I am definitely going to ease off the pressure I'm putting on this 'relationship'. ( so that when it's not going perfectly I don't panic!) and yes just go with the flow, see how the next dates pan out.

Scarlett- there was a part of me that felt that initially, but then i thought, I want to have sex too, why should it be seen as something you 'give' to men and not mutually enjoyed?

Good thinking choc.
Sex and desire is natural in both sexes, we are not just giving !
However, I do hope he gets the first drink next time you meet simply because you paid so much last time.
Let us know how you get on.

I don't know chocolate I think so soon into a relationship after we had made love I would want intimacy afterwards and I would also expect an introduction to his friends. Not to just bolt off on a night out after being fed watered and serviced by me.

I personally would feel used.

But they had agreed to go their own way after the meal?

Just to be clear - I am definitely not 'tight knickered' - the opposite in fact. I believe that women can just enjoy sex for what it is. Nothing more. I only told the OP she doesn't have to feel she owes him sex just because they've already slept together.
If you want to OP, do it. If you don't, don't. For me, there doesn't have to be any great romance involved. I just think, as the OP has pointed out, there seems to be a bit of pressure here early on when it probably doesn't pay to question too much at this stage. Enjoy it and let it develop.

Tight knickers are uncomfortable as well as bad for you.......

[off the point emoticon]

Some of the 1950s thinking on here is interesting - not sure how romantic it is to have an expectation of the big-strong-man paying for the lovely-little-lady on nights out to show his interest.

But then wouldn't life be boring if we were all the same?

likeatonneofbricks

"I knew there would be a bit of an outcry ! I never saif he should ALWAYS pay for her dinners - but surely it's nice and generous to offer it occasionally without it being her Birthday? So far it's her who paid more overall, and look - she feels uneasy!"

But we don't know who paid for the meals on the first three dates.

and you have said yourself that its ok for the man to pay the lions share of the money, bit of a double standard.

ASB - romantic gestures aer not based on wealness/strength! it's romantic for a make student to save up a bit and take a girl who earns more (or just has more) out SOMETIMES as a show of making an effort for her and wanting her to have good time if that's what she enjoys. I equally think it's romantic for a woman who is strong/solvent to treat her partner/interest with a gift etc. - done it myself when I was in love (then it depends on a man how he takes it!). It's extemely dull when everything is calculated, as if a person can't handle being giving a gift, surely it's a compliment and and expression of generosity of spirit? Yes, if OP is not after passion/romance, but more sex and friendship, as far as he doesn't want a 'caring mother' - but the fact is she DID feel uneasy about this (and i understand why - the instincts don't lie).
But yes, OP give him a chance and report back, I hope he doesn't turn out to be disappointing as a BF (i.e. can give you as much emotionally as you want). Do assert your wants and needs.

Boney - OP said it was 50-50 so far for going out. I said it was ok for a man to pay, unless the woman has strong principles on this - and if not, then SOMETIMEs he can pay (i didn't say it was his duty).

*male student, I meant! arghh why no Edit function?

p.s. a woman can also be a student, though obv her gift to a man will be in proportion, ot she can knit him a scarf!

likeatonneofbricks

she said that they went rounds which as far as I am awhere is just for drinks.
It may have different conotations elsewhere in the uk