Help/advice please. Ex-hubby is taking me to court tmrrw to try to take the kids HELP

[Godetia]

Hi,

I got court papers through the door last night and have to appear in court tomorrow. My ex-hubby is trying to get full residence of my two small children.
I'm a normal kind of mum, on anti-depressants due to the dreadful marriage relationship and a full-time job. Off work with stress at the moment.

What sort of things should I expect tomorrow? I'm scarerd they'll level some nasty questions and accusations which will have me in tears.

All support and advice will be gratefully received as I feel so alone and isolated.

Many thanks in advance for kind thoughts

So no tome allowed for you to get legal representation? Don't think they can do that

*time

It is legit I checked with the court today.
:(

Does it say what kind of hearing it is?

Are you in the UK? If so, that isn't allowed, you have to be allowed reasonablwe time to get representation.

you said it was "last night" does that mean it was hand delivered? Something doesn't sound right

I don't believe it's legal to give you less than a certain amount of working days notice. Not sure about being served through the letterbox as I was served court papers on my email address.. OP I suggest you post this on legal matters as there will be people who will be able to help you further.

Do the papers have a court stamp on them? And what date were they issued by the court?

Dont go, he should have used a process server or had them delivered to your solicitor (which you can refuse, but I wouldnt advise it, it just makes the process worse).

It isnt legit, I say this as someone whose husband spent nearly £1000 trying to get papers served.

Although I am concerned that you have told the court you have the papers, so you do know about the hearing.

Do you have a solicitor.

There is a site called wikivorce, there are some brilliant legal beagles on there.

OP are you in the UK?

It is stamped by the county court and was hand delivered. And dated the 09.01.2012. Its an application for full residency. I have an indefinate harassment order out on the Ex. (confirmed this with the police today, as Ex says has told his solicitor he hasnt)

Not sure what to expect during the hearing.

Ring the court first thing and explain the situation then take it from there. I'm surprised at how quickly the papers to court date is it's normally more like 6 weeks.
Has he somehow made this an emergency case?
Were you aware he was taking you to court perviously to last night?

Just as it's been discussed papers can definitely be served via the post I know I've done it.

It is a BIG surprise to me. He threatened that I would never see the kids again, but I did think he was being threatening rather than serious. As he wouldnt know one end of a nappy pin from the other

I can't really help you but I have had a friend in a very similar situation to you - Ads, off work through stress.... she was generally in a bad place. Her ex tried a similar thing and failed - he never had a chance.

(Speaking as someone who works in a Court), do turn up tomorrow if it has been requested , it will look bad for you if you don't.

You only have to explain to the Judge, that you have only just received the papers and have not had time etc, etc. It could be that it is just an appointment for an informal meeting in Court to arrange a formal hearing! Without seeing what the papers you have received say it is difficult, to say what it is.

Rest assured that nothing will "happen" tomorrow, but I would strongly advise you to go. Nothing may come of it and you may not end up going for a formal hearing, but you will be given the opportunity to get "representation" if anything "major" is going to be heard.

The Judges that work in the Family Courts are very experienced, and have seeen/heard it all, and are also sympathetic.

A 'phone call giving excuses why you can't come, will not go down well, go if you can possibly manage it, or at the very least fax an explanatory note if you cannot make it.

It will not be anywhere near as bad as you imagine.

Good Luck x

It may be a good thing to turn up as soon as court opens and tell the court usher/judge that you have had no time to prepare or consult a solicitor as it will be evidence of your ex being unreasonable. Take court papers and envelope with postmark to show evidence of timing. Also take harassment order. If you can find a family lawyer then take their number and call at 9am on the dot and say you need urgent advice.
When you get to the court speak to the usher at once, explain the position and ask their advice. They are able to advise you on how cases are conducted but not on your specific case. All morning and afternoon cases are set for the same time ie 9am or 2pm start, so unlikely you will be in front of the judge at 9am on the dot.
Prepare very short statement to give to judge/ex's solicitor or if necessary to tell the judge re timing, why you object to application and request an adjournment until you have sought legal advice.
Bear in mind that if you have to speak, it must be with the children's interests in mind. Any concerns about him and the children then cafcass will get involved.
But do post this on legal and you should get full info.

It's difficult to say only having a few of the facts but I would say unless you are a drug user, your children suffer neglect, or abuse your children then please don't panic!

I do smell a rat at how he has got such a quick court date it just doesn't happen like that normally. Could he have convinced them you're a flight risk i.e. taking them out of the country tomorrow or something?? Really doesn't seem right this.

Looking from the other side my DH is a wonderful man and excellent father but would never stand a cat in hells chance of gaining full custody of my DSD (nor should he) it just doesn't happen for no reason.

I know you will be going out of your mind with worry but honestly -having gone through a court case with my DH to get proper (un blocked) contact, where he represented himself - it's not how you imagine at all, it's more like a meeting than the cross examining, tripping up, accusing hell we had in our head.

My hunch is he's convinced the court there is a need for a quick hearing no massive changes to your current situation would be allowed to happen without you having legal rep.

Please try and get a good nights sleep before calmly and cooly taking this on tomorrow (easier said than done when it's your DC I know )

Have you got a level headed friend or family member you can take with you?

Do the dc live with you Do you care for them at the moment?
Unless there is evidence they at risk eg neglect etc then him getting sole residence is way off base.

Go to court and have ashore statement ready saying you only received the papers today
That you currently care for the dc with no problems
That you see no reason for them to change residence
But you need to ready to offer some kind of contact with your ex for the dc Unless there very good reason not to

Short statement not shore

It seems that your ex has made an application for an emergency hearing to obtain a Court Order for full residence in respect of your dc.

Do not rely on a phone call to the Court to buy time; ATTEND THE COURT IN PERSON at the appointed time tomorrow morning and explain that you received notification of your ex's application on the evening of 9 January and have not had time to seek legal advice or appoint a solicitor in this matter.

Also tell the Court that an harassment Orderwas granted to you against your ex at (name of Court) on date/'month/year for an indefinate period and that it is your intention to contest his application if the Court sees fit to set a date for a full Hearing of the matter.

Please rest assured that tomorrow's proceedings are NOT a full hearing of the case and it's unlikely that you will find yourself in an adversarial postion.

It is to be hoped that once they have heard what you have to say, the Court may take the view that his application is vexatious and will throw it out and send him away with a flea in his ear

As a further word of caution ON NO ACCOUNT SHOULD YOU FAIL TO ATTEND THE HEARING TOMORROW.

Depending on which Court you are attending, it could be that ad hoc legal counsel may be available to you gratis before the proceedings - look on the Court listing boards or ask one of the ushers.

Above all, DON'T PANIC or worry yourself unduly tonight and please come back tomorrow with an update.

If you have an indefinite harassment order out on him then take the paperwork along with you. This sounds like he is claiming he has reason to fear for them in some way, which in the long term isn't going to look good for him.

Please post in Legal here on Mumsnet. There are qualified solicitors there who can help you, and people here won't know the legal ins and outs. I think you may also want to ring Women's Aid for advice as it sounds like he is bullying you, and this is just the latest means, which counts as domestic abuse. They can offer swift legal advice.

If you are not working you're entitled to legal aid, so a solicitor won't cost anything (also applies if your income is low). Fret not, courts are VERY unwilling to remove kids from a primary carer without very good reason, as change is not good for them. It really does sound like he is being an arse, and family courts are not sympathetic to those.

Or, you know, what Izzy said. :)

indefinate? wtf. indefinite.

Or maybe the court just f'd up. Happens occasionally in the best organisations.

Definitely what Izzy said.

How did it go OP? Hope all is well